a grey day

hey lovelies :) :) how are youuu? ahhhh its raining. like hard core. i think it went all night. boooo

anywho, breaky was this...



hmm bananacranwalnut oats?...



i love dried cranberries but, i dunno like not today? i think they're better with cold cereal, something didn't taste right. note that for next time :P

alrighty i know i say this all the time but im sooo excited to go back home. i fly two weeks from today :D how cool is that yoo? but today i have class. thats okay though. im at school so it makes sense.

to match the weather perhaps?

i hope things get better, for me and everyone. im a bit selfish and i get caught up in my own problems, i dont mean to but they bother me so much and im constantly a total complete mess. if i was looking at me from another point of view i'd think...pathetic. i still do, but i also know that i don't mean to be like this and i have so much anxiety that its fucked up ('scuse). ahhhhh why am i like this????? i just want to be happy. so i say that i will, but then something happens and its like...back to square-one. its so dumb. anywayyy, enough of that. i hope it stops raining :) but i guess its good for the trees. april showers as they say. wait, its not april yet. hmm. ohhh april fooools day tomorrow! i always get scared on those days, that someone will play something on me. most people disregard the fact that it only lasts until like 11:30 am so i can't be safe after that, most people keep at it aha.

okay well thats all for now, sorry for the total downer post as usual...i don't know what to speak about, any ideas? also ask me questions!!! xox love youuu

just a pause

hey lovelies :) :) quick post today, i know i normally do this but im finding it hard to put things down, my photos are not interesting, eats aren't really either...so its better to write when i feel like it. but i do love doing this!

breaky...


yogurt...


coffeeee of course but no piccy of that, same mug as before :)

im so so so so so exciting for home, partially because i'll have nice backgrounds for photos instead of this like plastic colourful tablecloth that was in the apartment when i arrived hehe. its fun i guess. it had like little kid marker stuff on it and when my parents flew over with me at the beginning of school we tried to get it off with bleach but nopeeee. ahh adds character i guess right?

does the change of font, size, colour make this more interesting? i made part of it bold too. ahh takin some risks today :P

okay well i must jet (those are my initials too!) and ill talk to you all later...

outfit photo today

bye loves xox

SATURDAY

hey lovely lovelies :D its saturday yeaayyy

how are you? any fun plans for the weekend?? studying pour moi pretty much, maybe some other things im not sure...

anywho, breaky was a mixture of cold cereals:



- shreddies, shredded wheat bites, optimum bloooberry cinnamon...
- banana
- wheat germ
- skim milk
- cinnamon
- almonds


AND GUESS WHAT?


ohhhh my goodness i received a lovely package friday. MAYA :)


my love ehehe aren't they lovely? i felt so special :) and this...

thank you soooo much lovie ahh seriously i was so so so so so happy and giddy and everything such a great package. so many new things for me, most of it was stuff i've never seen before, but read about on blogs, esp these two lovelies :) i went to pick it up in the reception room and ahh i love i just saw the cutest writing on the box with my name and everything thank youuuuu :)

putting my prezzzie to good use (how cooote is this bookmark?????)

this truly lifted my spirits yesterday :) im feeling down a lot but this made my happy so thank you lovie from the bottom of my heart. okay, loveliesss leave some comments, questions, etc. okay? jokes, i won't be annoying :P hmm well i think i need to get back to work now, creating notes for one of my film tests next week eeekk, its a hard one but this time she gave us a set of potential questions in advance which we can work out, take in a small Q-card so that's better! i hope i do well. i must do well aha. i talked to my family last night :) my brother was also over for dinner so i was able to speak to my mom, dad, and him too! scooore. they were in the process of making dinner and i was passed along to each person when they had a minute. i think i was interrupting them but i don't care aha i needed to talk! seriously. and im their daughter so i guess its allowed if i annoy them? yea i think so hehee. im excited for my birthday (not till june) because i think ill be getting a new camera, probably with bday money and such, i was talking about it with my dad and he has a nikon SLR or something like that...anywho i will get one similar, i just have a smaller digital now so the new one will take nice photos hopefully! i love photography, i just want to get into it more. im not very good now though. i took some photos when i was last home with his...

those are ginger snaps so yummy, my moms cookie :)

and from a few summers ago aha i dont adore tubing but i love my cottage :)
that was a fun weekend.

okay thats all for now :) byeee

friday

hey lovelies :) :) its raining out. sad. but its friday...if that makes people happy!

today i had oats with



- oatmeal (right..)
- wheat germ
- banana
- cinnamon
- dried cranberries
- bit of skim
- a few shreddies
- a few almonds


and my plain yogurt with a bit of pure dark honey and a few pieces of walnuts...


sorry my photos aren't very appealing :)

hmm i have one class and then later on a meeting with my counselor. hope it goes okay, its been longer than usually between eetings but i sort of am at a standstill. anyway i dont want to get into that here, i feel weird talking about it :P i tried to call my parents last night but no answer. oh well, ill try again today maybe. eeeee so like two weeks of school left and then a few days then i go home :) im just so lonely lately, its pathetic but im sad and crying a lot, and so anxious like this week was hell for anxiety, feeling sick and worrying about getting sick, etc. and im always nervous about going out like with friends and it takes so much, im not sure whats wrong but i just cannot wait to go home. and figure out stuff for the summer, and jobs and get my anxiety like under control. im physically experiencing some bad things too so it just makes it all worse, i dont know if its something im doing to myself, from anxiety or sickness or all the above?

sorry to be a downer. oohhhh i have an idea leave a question in the comments or something, i want comments, well nice ones :P

aha nice pose umm jeans from a+f kids hehe, uo tshirt, jacob-connexion cardigan, uo long necklace...probably boots of some sort as its raining

okay well ill talk to you all later hope you're doing okay!

ladybug love lover

hey lovelies :) :) quickyy post today...aha aha aha, okay im done.

today i had yogurt plan natural with pure honey and cinnamon, and a mixture of cereal in a bowl (shreddies, shredded wheat bites, optimum cinnamon blueberry) with some skim, banana, almonds...

oh my god. okay so update. i have another ladybug. its weird, so last night i was reading on line about keeping them alive in the home till they leave and i stupidly never took the raisin advice from lucie so put some out, dakota (or i thought it was her) seemed to like them, so hopefully she'll get more fat stores to keep her okay for a while, see i read that they live off of those in the winter and raisins can give them more...so fat is good :) :) and i woke up in the middle of the night and saw that she was in the same position on a raisin and i was like, hmm she must like it, then it dawned on me that maybe she was stuck. so it was dark and i was poking at her and finally i thought i killed her, but she has a shell so it was all good, i think she was pissed at me for bugging her. but today i walked past and turned around and she was on the floor like centimeters from where i stepped! i was like dakotaaa you crazy thing i almost killed you.

but...okay so here's the weird thing. i saw another ladybug on my desk, really red with spots. so i think that was dakota, and the other one is new? stephen is mia at the moment. but im still going to call the one from last night dakota so this new one is Ruby because she's dark. so that's it. im officially a loser. :) i dont mind right now.

speaking of dakota...

i adore her. her style. her acting. she's so amazing!

and i cannot believe that people are getting so see the runaways before me.

outfit today is a+f kids jeans dark, brown tank, long tank f21 perhaps, little thrift blazer

okay i will talk to you all later xox

ohh hello wednesday!

hey lovelies :) :)

so...my camera was out of batteries when i was about to snap my breaky, but here's a photo

of. my. love.

ehh yesterday wasn't so great, i felt so sick, im just a bit iffy today but yesterday was quite awful :( i hate feeling sick, it happens often but i had to miss both classes though i did manage to walk to the grocery store and back in the morning, in pouring rain. you see, i was telling my mumsayy on the phone that, though i adore the nice weather, it was beginning to get too hot too soon, as its usually not warm until may but i didn't mean i wanted it to rain. its so awful when it pours and the wind blows. its supposed to be like that for a few days straight. one of the things that i do not like about the province that i go to university in...the wind, rain, and how they combine to make it impossible to stay semi dry when you go out with an umbrella...i mean forget the umbrella as the rain is coming sideways, the wind is blowing and your pour umbrella-ella is inverting :) i can laugh i guess because i manage to look ridiculous holding it tight with both hands, walking against the storm nearly falling over hehe...but at the time it isn't funny. ahhhhh cannot wait to go home i fly back three weeks today :D and my dad will be with me so that's nice, company

today's outfit...black hue tights, long grey tank (old navy) and mini-dress thing (a+f kids), grey cardi from oldnavy too, necklace (u.o)


and my victoria secret slippers :) hehee they are tres comfortable, like soft flats

alright, so i hope today will be a better day. i'm saying this now: today will be a better day. so it has to be. i hope everyone's doing well, sorry for the short post but im out of things to say, and i hate being so negative so i'll let you all go, talk to you later xox

monday

hey lovelies :) :)

i hope you all had nice weekends. its mondayyy woooopie, and its spring, though i guess that started saturday? i think that's what my mom said, something like 2pm on saturday.

anywho, breaky contained...



update on stephen and dakota, so i do know which one is which, though im not sure if thats the stephen i named in the beginning...does that make sense? ive decided that one is stephen, he has one half completely black and the other spots, and dakota has spots and is much more red in colour. im strange...but i was told (by the lovely lovely lucie) that if you put water out, they'll be happy. so if i see one ill put them on the desk and pour water there and see what happens. i thought dakota was drinking but then i realised she was stuck and the water had brought her off her feet...so im sort of killing her by trying to help her good one, good one...

anyway, i have class in a bit, three more weeks!!!!! ive finished two more major essays so thats good, just another one, a few tests and quizzes and then my exams of course. i hope you have great days, talk to you later xox

sunday

hey lovelies :) :) i hope you're having nice weekend weather, it sure is warm here! wow.

breaky today was red river with...



- banana
- cinnamon
- date chopped up
- lots of almonds
- wheat germ
- bit of skim
- cereal unposted, a few organic wheat squares on top

*coffee much earlier

i don't have too much to say, or im not sure what to say really so this will be a quick post. i do know that i cannot wait to go home...its just dragging on like slowww mud and its making me angry, and sad and all that stupid stuff. i might have more leads on some sort of job opportunity so perhaps one positive thing??? perhaps!

yesterdays random outfit (black tights, black american apparel long cardi, a+f kids stop, actually has a bottom like a gym suit or something:P)

alrighty, hope everyone is okay and all, and ill talk to you later xox loveee

friday

hey lovelies :) :)



apologies about my photos, unpleasant...i mixed things up before taking a photo and dug in so quickly being the hungry monster and then took a photo :( even my yogurt, which was plain with a teeny but cute drizzle of pure honey was mixed up. and i had designed it just for you! aha...but you'll have to live with this, though i won't be posting breaky photos all the time.



thats only part of what was in the bowl, as i started to eat after i had mixed it thinking, well i already messed it up...then i decided to snap a piccy so a bit of a fail this time :P

yee i have 3 weeks left of school pretty much, and less than a month before i go home. still need to get a job though, i really don't want to have to wait till i get home and then do some retail type of thing, going to stores around my area...i can't do that anymore. anyone have good ideas for something a bit better than that? i know you live in different places but i just need ideas of places to contact right now!

black jbrand skinnies, 3/4 length uo shirt, white knit a+f kids thingy, with my beige/brown buckle low boots (?)

okay, ive realised that i miss being a kid. i know thats typical but i really remember being happy so i have decided i want to feel that way again :) i still had anxiety and stuff but honestly i was sooo much more relaxed than now, and i realise that obviously as you get older, you have responsibilities and stuff...but its not like i had nothing to worry about when i was younger...i did! but i dealt with it. so i need to smarten up. starting. now. yeee :) okay i hope you all have amazing days and drop by to say hello xox

spring has sprung

hello lovelies :) :) i hope your weeks are going well. its quite warm here, and i do love it...but at the same time i get so hot walking home and can never be a perfect temperature, like do i wear a winter coat still, a fall one, hmm?

breaky today was...



bowl contained...

- oat bran and oatmeal together
- banana
- walnuts
- cinnamon
- bit of skim
- apricot

i was feeling awful yesterday afternoon, like i walked home hungry from class and then felt so sick and thought i'd be ill on the street, and i have a fear of being sick. i was like running home almost...and you know how when its nice outside, people are laughing, drinking since its saint patty's day aha, and you still feel sick and...it makes it worse somehow? i ate a snack still and ended up calming down. and today i feel a bit better, its weird how your mood and all can change drastically in a matter of minutes, it was a wave of dread over me sort of :( but i realised that i was feeling motivated so im working on an essay before class because i might not be as motivated later on as i have quite a busy day of classes today!

one of my favourite posters :)

well that's it for now, talk to you later xox loves

wednesdayyy

hey lovelies :) :) my camera is not helping me at the moment, so i might post an awkward computer camera outfit photo...but i might spare you the horror actually, as it's quite bad :P

breakfast was a mixture of cold cereal (organic oat squares, shredded wheat bites, fibre one bran bud thingies, wheat germ, etc.) with skim and banana and cinnamon and a few walnut pieces, and then some plain fat free yogurt with cinnamon and honey...coffee too but that was much earlier :)

hehe...sorry i had to, not sure why i'm determined to show you this outfit
hmm hard to tell but ripped/ish a+f kids light loose jeans, grey vneck (uo), pink cardigan (gap)

i am officially leaving in four weeks :) my flight is a month from today woop. and i finish exams in one day less than four weeks. and see my daddyyy in one day less than four weeks. and my cat and my mom in four weeks. four. weeks. okay i'll stop

there, here's an actual camera outfit photo from the christmas holidays before last

though i still need to get a job in order for the spring/summer, and im determined not to do retail and camp low paying stuff as i have been doing for the past three summers. im really trying and email and contacting but uhhhh its hard. and im worried about school a bit, i feel like im not doing as well as i should be and my parents always ask for marks and i hate it when i don't have really amazing ones, but im just having a tough time and i wanted to get a certain average this year but i don't see that happening. not cool though :(

it's strange, i mean i love school in a studying/learning/competitive type of way but at the moment i don't feel motivated and it's hard to study for long periods of time. in early elementary school i loved it, asked for extra work, etc. then i went through a period where i hung out with friends and it didn't seem important to be keen. then highschool, i went to private school and then an independent tiny one with a small teacher/student ratio and became super competitive again. but in university it seems different, not harder exactly or larger work loads because, in grade 11 and 12 especially i worked constantly. i just don't feel as happy with things and i do care, but somehow its just more difficult to be keen, if that makes any sense. i hate it. i hate like feeling pathetic about this stuff. i feel so guilty when i get a bad mark, or even a so-so one, because its not great and people tell me that i should be able to do well, but its not that im not trying, sometimes it's just truly difficult. ahh i will stop this type of talk because honestly no one wants to here this. i don't know what to talk about on here really...any ideas? questions? i know i don't have many readers but if you do see this post leave a question on the comments or something hehe :P

that's all for now...talk to you later xox

tuezzzday

hey lovelies :) :) i woke up this morning a bit earlier than usual, and got up before 7:30 (i know that's not too early but usually i set my alarm for around 8) and it is not quite light out, the sun is peeking :P craaazy daylights saving thing ahh.

so im excited to go grocery shopping today :) im almost out of my honeybear, plus i also want to buy this AMAZING honey the creamy kind but its organic (not sure if that matters) and its like clover something? and natural but creamy too, so.freaking.good. mmmmm. and more almonds, and cereal, fruit, veggies, some other things :) but i have class too.



i spoke to my parents on the phone last night and my mom was telling me about my cat and how cute she was, sitting on her big chair all like curled up, she does this thing where she lies and then sort of puts her paws to cover her face and shes in a ball, and you can still see her eyes though, hard to explain but its so sweet and my mom was just making me so sad :( i miss her. i miss my mom too aha, and my dad but you see my cat cannot talk on the phone so...:P

hmm highwaisted skinnies (uo), black gap tank, yellow thin tshirt and vest from uo with a maple leaf pin from an old neighbour a few summers ago when i did my immersion en suisse program, to remember my country :P

just a short post today as i need to get going. hope you have great days. xox

i've lost my muchness..

hello lovely lovelies :) how is everyone? sooo...i saw alice in wonderland yesterday. ahhmazing :) truly and truly :P

so i dove into my bowl for breakfast before taking a photo and it looked...not so pretty? though my photos are rarely beautiful. so here's my yogurt portion...



i walked out of the theatre yesterday with my friends, not really paying attention to what was going on around me. and then i stepped outside and i was like what??? where am i??? yea, that happens a lot. not just with fantasies but i like to escape, and i love films. escapist entertainment eh? i was sucked into that world and when i got back to my reality i realised i needed to be in the present, but it was a bit sad, and often i get like that for a while after i've seen a film. just have to tell myself i belong in the modern world. but how gorgeous were the outfits? and the sets, and colours! i never pay attention to outfits unless someone's wearing slightly more traditional things but i wanted to experiment with almost everything in that! even the mad hatter!


i love johnny depp ahh

i had a weird night last night. i dont want to say much because i tend to overreact and im not sure what went wrong. but it scared be a tad. i just wish i didn't have so much anxiety and stuff. i also wish i could walk into a room and tell my mom or my dad. i could call them :P i know im at uni and its not that i want to be living with them all the time, but i do miss them. i used to deny that i had anxiety or eating issues, fears...i felt stupid. but then i realised that so many young people (or any age for that matter!) do have these troubles, and its okay. im not ashamed. all of you lovelies are so amazing, and im not saying you have issues but lots of you have troubles and you're doing so well despite, you're truly inspiring :) alrighty, done now :P

the red queen

hope you have amazing days, weeks, months...ill talk to you later loveee

sundayyy

hey lovelies :) :) ahh im seeing alice today!!!!! exciteddd. did you change your clocks forward? i did some last night before bed so i could get in the mindset and when i woke up in the middle of the night to use the washroom i changed the rest tehee.

breaky:

- red river cereal
- banana
- wheatgerm
- cinnamon, ginger, etc
- walnuts
- bit of skim
- some dry cereal added on top after just a tad :P

coffee of course though i drank most of that earlier.

hmm so before the movie i want to buy some more tights...maybe coloured...like dark colours since im not cool enough to try the wild ones, maybe purple or navy or something? ideas?


one of my favourites, im reading it for the third time since i got it in jan :D

okay for some reason i had genie in a bottle stuck in my head this morning it was making me want to punch myself because i honestly don't even know the words. i was doing the whole shimmy hand bottle move you know?? aha. okay, i must go do more homework and ill talk to you later xox