sunday

hey lovelies :):)

breakfast was a mix of cold cereals (corn bran squares, multigrain life cereal, yummm flax granola) with skim, banana, almonds, cinnamon...i think that is it. ahh i forgot to add wheat germ :P oh well..

the past few days we've had essentially no bananas, just extremely green ones which i honestly tried to eat but like gagged. and i put some up top in a cupboard and found them yesterday and they were nearly ripe :) so i enjoyed part of one as my dessert (mixed with other things too!)

first week of uni done. well first week of my last year. its so different here, and honestly this week was AWFUL. in terms of scheduling and me and everything, things just went completely wrong. i hope i can get things organized and actually officially get into courses so i can graduate when i want to :( and now my parents are going away, and i know that's crazy for me to be upset since im like old now and am used to living away from home...but im just very sad. like things get worse when im alone just in this house. even though eve is here (note: my cat). BUT...its cool. i will survive. tehee...

i just need to talk to someone, but i hardly have any close friends left in the city, and they live further away, have different schedules. so if any of you lovesss wanna chat please send me a message :) honestly, im just lonely. god that sounds pathetic. if my email isn't on this page then message me and i can send it. and facebook too!

im actually taking 6 courses now, and three are "distance" but ahh such a large amount of work. honestly its crazy. im just overloading myself a tad, but im taking a minor on top of my combined major so it means a little extra work. unfortunately, i could not get an honours degree, meaning i do a special 21st credit, as that cannot be completely long-distance, and as im away from my home university, i would have to go back another full year just to complete that. but as long as i graduate with a good grade in a four-year degree, im okay :) sorry this is super boring...oh. i might have not mentioned this yet, perhaps i have not posted since, but i went to whole foods for the first time last weekend with my mom (i didn't think we had them in canada but there is one in my city, like this fancy area Yorkville) and bought pb+co for the first time! i wanted the non sugar one, like just plain but they didn't have it so i got the smooth plain one, which just has some sugar cane and oil i believe so you don't have to store it in the fridge. my mom likes it! she doesn't really like my natural kind but usually east just regular like low fat pb, which is yummy and i used to eat it all the time. but i guess this one is a bit creamier and she said she enjoys it..."sticks on the roof of your mouth!" aha she said.

i have so much work, and i am studying but i find it hard to concentrate when im upset, sad, just like homesick even though i'm home (what the hell that makes no sense) but i feel guilty knowing that my parents would want me to try harder, and that makes me feel worse...gahh i should just work as hard as possible and i do try, but i dunno its strange like i get upset doing things and its just hard.

anyway, onto some foodie photos loves, not too many


yesterday's lunch photo



i just need to try to be positive. and its just very hard, i'm not sure quite why. this blog is just repetitive and the same thing, me just complaining about things. so i know it's probably difficult to read. so no more new posts until i get better. i mean, until i get a bit happier and positive because its just so draining to write about this stuff.


school outfit photo (but i ended up not attending classes because of
random mix ups and messed up things...looked
slightly better in person :P)



okay i must go and work and clean stuff and get on with my day :) hope you're all doing well. love you lots

friday

hey lovelies :):)

breaky was a small ish (well smaller than usual aha) bowl of large flake oats with a few almonds, cinnamon, cereals on top.

i start classes monday...gahhh. but im actually a bit excited. its my final year of uni which is crazy! my friend from my actual university (it's out east) is here :D not like with me but she's visiting the area so i should be seeing her today if things work out. im still not feeling well which sucks. i hate feeling sick like nearly all the time :(

anyway, i've been getting fairly organized and hopefully will do a bit of clothing shopping before monday!


its the toronto internation film festival and i haven't been in my city at this time for a few years, as i went to school in another province. so tonsss of people are here, actors and such. i don't know if i'll be able to see a screening but i really hope so, there are a lot of films i'd like to see. otherwise i can watch them when they come out i guess.

this was just a small post and hopefully i'll be in better spirits next time aha, i hope you're all doing well and i love you all :)

sunday

Hey lovelies:):) it's been too too long since i last posted. much too long. i can't believe that at school away from home i used to do it every day. and lots of people update many times in a day, which seems wild.

Sooo...what’s new? This past week and a bit has been both tough and relaxing. I finished the internship wooop and then went up north for a week ish before coming back to the city. I have just a little bit of time before school starts (i guess most American unis and such have begun already) so its both exciting and anxiety-filled (is that even a word?) but im hopeful. Which is good. I tried to sort of de-stress while being away but its hard, its so stupid how things still bother you, like when i was so busy with work and intern and things i was like oh my god please just i can’t wait to have time to breathe...but then certain things always remain with you. Thoughts, disorders, controlling issues and such..so the grass truly is not greener on the other side. Well sometimes maybe :P anywho...

breakfast today was some regular oats with cereal on top, along with almonds, wheatgerm, cinnamon and a tad of skim...plus a riper than ripe banana sliced with the oats. and coffee mmm.

It was sooo hot though for a great deal of the time away, even by the lake. Near the end it rained and then cooled off slightly, so its a bit better now. Soon it will be like frigid and like minus 30 so i should probably shut up. But i do like fall/autumn weather, sort of cold ish but if you go out in a light jacket, sweater, etc. and keep moving you’re okay, brisk sort of. The leaves have already started to change further north, not much in my city, but its usually about 3 weeks ahead where my cottage is. Ahhhh autumn is coming soon :D

something from a week ago, multigrain wheat squares, multigrain
cheerios, almonds...

Oh one of the novels i read last week was one that i saw on this lovely blogger’s page, and it was interesting. Where a family goes “local” for a year and only eats food produced in their area, when it is in season, etc. but that means only when the food is available and....no bananas ;( that would be a toughy, unless you live in costa rica or any other place which grows nannnnners. Im impatient, wanting certain foods when they aren’t in season. But where we shop i mean you can get them off season, they are just coming from such a long distance, or they’re not really ready, or both even. Okay im not giving the book justice, and i sound ignorant. It’s filled with additional information and the reader travels through each month with the family, with chapters titled by various seasons, as the months of the year essentially decided what this family would be eating in terms of fresh food. It’s called “Animal, Vegetable Miracle” and the main author is Barbara Kingsolver, and there are little bits of writings by her daughter Camille and also Steven L. Hoppe her husband (i believe, anyway). There is also a younger girl, Lily, who belongs in the family.

post run breaky (i just ran once there) with organic multigrain
squares, banana, almonds, multigrain cheerios, flax yummy
granola, almonds...wait i said that already :P

I baked cookies :D they were meant to be a bit “healthier” than just like butter chocolate and extras (dried fruit yeee) and from an Anne Lindsay cookbook. Not that i have an issue with like traditional butter chocolate chip, but i wanted them a bit less rich because i just feel weird eating very rich things plus my stomach is messed up...but they ended up tasting pretty rich! Maybe i did something odd with the recipe, but it was like whole wheat oatmeal chocolate chip dried fruit (currants and apricots)...cookies. i guess it was better that way since my parents loved them. I ate a few too :)

bits of one sample lunch...carrots, almonds, yummy bread with
natural pb and...banana? i can't tell :P

I ended up going through old clothing and giving a bit of things away, and i still need to go through my stuff at my house before shopping for a bit. It’s sort of cleansing, anyone think so? Plus you feel good about giving things to other people. I used to try to sell things at like teen stores but realised it’s hardly worth it with what money (or lack there of..) they give you, so i’d rather give them away so Salvation army or whatnot.

I’m starting to get a bit pre-occupied with like volume of foods. No matter what the caloric content i just feel weird when it looks like a lot, afraid i’ll be sick or stretch my stomach or somehow i’ll just gain a ton really quickly. Like for desserts especially, even if i’m eating something relatively healthy in my opinion, if its in a larger bowl i get all anxious and weird and silly. I’m not sure if that makes any sense.

i have to admit something i guess. i feel like i should post it here, tell someone in a sense. i don't know what's wrong with me but one night at my cottage i was alone, my parents went out to friends for dinner and i had like a ridiculous panic attack, freak out bawl-sesh oh my god it was pathetic. but really scary. my dinner just went all wrong, things were like burning and i felt sick and just unhappy and was crying so hard for the longest time, then felt so ill and scared and honestly i just wanted to die right there. i don't want that to happen again. i don't even know what my problem was, i've been alone before, but i found myself wishing my mom was there (even thought she legit was with me like 30 min before) and i almost called them at their friends place, which would have been so embarrassing. i was meant to hang out with a friend but it didn't work out, so they were upset that i was all by myself like a loser.

i will leave you with a photo of mr. toady...



he actually was quite the subject of a mini photo shoot now displayed on my dad's camera :P

ahh i must jet, lots to do. sort of :P love you boooos