a special day

hi :)

my birthday breakfast :) i’ve heard that chocolate and wheat germ go well together, so i tried it:

this was a mélange of my favourites, including irish oats,  banana, cinnamon&ginger, raw almonds&hazelnuts, shredded wheat, crystallized ginger, wheat germ, semi-sweet chocolate chips…and skim milk! black coffee of course, that that’s a mug of peppermint tea right behind there.

i didn’t feel special when i woke up this morning. i used to get the same tingly, odd, surreal feeling that i get on christmas morning. but i do feel sort of special today, that could just be because people are wishing me happy birthday :)

i sort of wish i was here again. but, then again, i’d have to go through all these years again ;P the bad and the good. and i have enjoyed my life, even though lately it hasn’t been that great. but i look sort of happy here, genuinely, and i don’t have many photos like that (i know im young here.  but even when i was little i was very anxious and, not so kid-like, just very complex and serious and intense)… i was absolutely in love (no not obsessed…in love) with barney. until age…pff idk like eight? ten? seriously, it was weird. but im only five here i think, so that’s okay.

ahhh, so our moving day was, officially, a shit-show. more so for my poor brother, though i think he’s had some time to organise and fix a few things, and what not. but so many things went wrong. but that’s usually what happens, right? murphy's law, or something..

but i enjoyed this bowl of banana-mango-almond oats (mix of quick and old fashion, banana, dried mango, cinnamon&ginger, topped with slivered almonds, crystallized ginger & soy milk!) beforehand…i have to admit that i was not present for a bunch of the moving process, and my parents, brother, and friends were left in the rain.

however, i’m a bit behind the times, because this happened last week! …and, today is…june. 7th. my birthday! yeee…i was just out shopping with my mom…food shopping that is. but i think we’re going out later in the week for clothes shopping, just a few things which will be my present. but my mom is hesitant to get me anything that i can wear now…i hate that. knowing that i likely won’t be able to wear anything when im heavier, or that i need to “fit into” things…just certain clothing that doesn’t fit…it makes me disgusted almost to think that i wore them not too long ago. which is an awful thing to say, i know that. but it just seems scary. and i feel out of control, that my  body can just transform like that…gain a lot of weight, lose weight, fluctuate so much…it isn’t healthy. i know losing a lot of weight isn’t healthy, but gaining a lot doesn’t seem healthy either, it seems to be placing more strain on your body. i’m probably just saying this because the idea of gaining seems so awful, but, idk, i just get all caught up in things, and you hear on the radio, health sources, etc that any weight extreme, loss or gain, puts your body through a great deal. i feel like i’ve messed up my future even more now.

ugh, anyway. back to my birthday :P i thought this would be a little post, but i guess when i write so infrequently i have a lot to say.

this is one of my favourite photos; she’s so beautiful. i have this wig that i bought a while ago, well, gr 10. i did an isu project sort of on her, but just focusing on how the media really changed her, from ‘norma jean’ (her original name) to marilyn monroe, this persona, it’s a bit sad really. anyway, we found it recently and it was almost thrown out!

bahah isn’t it lovely :P i can’t do her obviously, i know it’s awful. quite a shock compared to the gorgeous photo of her above, but i was just being silly. so back to gr 10, i made a film for the media aspect of the project, and it was an interview with normal jean, and then with marilyn, numerous years later. it was really fun, and my brother was the host, or interviewer.

…i think that’s about it. i realise that i have a lot of photos of myself here…i find that sort of vain i guess, but i promise you i don’t think that i look good or whatever, i guess im trying to make up for not posting anything before! plus, well i guess i find it interesting to talk about my past. i think blogs are probably supposed to be a bit about ourselves, i mean…we’re just writing about our own lives, so it will come off as self-absorbed. it’s just that i think i am the opposite of that, i like to think about my childhood and past and memories sometimes, but i don’t think im great or anything ;P anyway, i hope you’re all doing well, i can’t believe it’s june. almost summer!! crazy…so much time has gone by, i know i keep saying this but, it really scares me how fast it flies sometimes. even though, in the moment, it seems to drag on. the bad moments, anyway.

i have to go have a shower and get ready for tonight! so, i’m off…and i will talk to you all later.

lots and lots and lots of love