sunday august the twenty second

hey lovelies :) :)

just a quick post here, especially as i have not done one in a bit. hope you're all doing well!



breakfast today was a bowl of cold cereal (multigrain wheat squares, multigrain cheerios, wheat germ) and cinnamon, almonds, skim and banana. with coffee too...

i went for a short run after waking up (like 30 min after maybe) and it was raining but i went anyway, sort of got wet? as i was walking over to the area where i run, this guy with an umbrella just looked at me like i was crazy and went, "uh good morning"...don't know what that was all about :) maybe because i was voluntarily going in the rain, and then into this ravine which ended up being filled with puddles, med, ect...

im almost finished my internship, just another week ish...this past week was stressful for me, people getting sick, just tense and in general hell i guess. i make it worse for myself but i'm trying to work on that.

im getting a bit antsy about school too, not just scared but also excited. i'm just trying to get my courses together and all that jazz...i'll be in the city (my city i mean..) for school this year instead of on the other part of the country, so that will be different. i haven't attended this close to home since high school.

well that's all for now i guess, hope you're having a good end of the summer and i'll talk to you all soon(ish) :D

friday

hey lovelies :) :)

another week gone by, and its quickly approaching september. which means school...gahhh! i have today off from work to enroll in some of my courses, as i'm taking them at another school i must sign up much later than normal, which equals less options, waitlist, etc...but i think it will be okay! i woke up too early, like 6am and had set my alarm for after 7am. i think it was punishment since the enrollement started at 6am and i was like, 'bahh im just going to do it a bit later'...and then it was like NO you wake up NOW :P...so im a bit tired. does anyone freak out about sleep? when i was younger i was so scared of not getting a certain amount (or being under the impression i was...as sometimes you can just tell yourself something to make you feel reassured, whether or not it's true!), and my brother had the same thing when he was younger, we're a couple of odd-balls ya know...anywho, my mom told me today that it was probably okay then i had less sleep, and it's just annoying since i am trying to sleep through things but often i wake up like wayyy earlier and cannot fall back asleep. ahh le sigh...

breakfast today was so-so...a bit of large flake oats with a mixture
of dry cereal, almonds, cinnamon, wheatgerm and skim on top

i'm in a bit of a rut with this, i usually only have time for cold cereals in the week, or maybe a package of oats...any ideas??

coffee...while looking out on the patio

i have an extra long weekend as i don't return to work until next week, so i'm going up north for a few :)



i'm trying to keep positive despite certain issues, it's hard!!! often i catch myself, and i know i'm doing things that make me more disordered and anxious and messed, but i still do it...it's like im causing myself a lot of this difficulty. and i'm quite negative, not just inside my head but to the people around me, like my family. so i will try to be better about that. often i feel that if i voice what's going on in my head it acts as a reassurance, and perhaps bad things won't happen. stupid. or i feel as though it lets some of the stress go since there is soo much going on in my mind it's hard to deal at many points. but i really hope you're all doing well, and enjoy the rest of your summers :D

love you lots

just keep swimming

hey lovelies :):)

breakfast today was a bowl of cold cereal (mixture) with skim, almonds, wheat germ, bit of (un-ripe...:( ) banana, cinnamon...coffee of course, and the vitamins :P



i went for a short ish run this morning before breakfast then showered, ate and coffee'd :)

i started my film-internship this past week and it's been really interesting but extremely stressful for some reason. also my parents were away so it's been lonely and i get home late and eat dinner late and its all very rushed. i get tense while i'm there, answering the phones, just realising the weight on my shoulders. but i do believe the experience will be beneficial, so that's what i need to keep telling myself :)

im having a bit of trouble lately, i feel lost. sort of hopeless in many situations, and immediately something not-so-bad translates into something awful for me and i go into panic mode. i always want something else, sort of that "the grass is greener on the other side" mentality, which is true because no matter what i'm never okay, and the thing is...i think i need to change me instead of just my surroundings if that makes any sense. but then certain things bring me back into the light, watching people who are having lots of fun, doing something out of order (which initially makes me terrified), reading blog posts by people who are dealing with some things but looking up...it just lets me know that this doesn't have to be it you know? life shouldn't be this hard. so i know that things are going to get better. even if that seems like the most ridiculous notion at the moment, just knowing that it's going to be okay...eventually...makes it a tiny bit easier to keep going.


yesterday's breakfast of 10-grain hot cereal (Bob's) and add-ins :)

i want the tone of this post to be more positive, and since my life at the moment isn't grand i just want to sort of reflect on good things, specifically what i've gained from the blogging community. funnn :D but for real, i have learned a lot, met amazing people, and i think i've become a bit of a better person perhaps...

*obviously meeting lovely people would be up at number one. and not just people that i communicate through blogs, but on facebook, and maybe even in real life...i'd love to meet most of you someday, and i hate that i always seem to become close to people that i can't see everyday

*oats...i've started to love hot cereal once again. i was always just obsessed with cold cereal but there's tons of protein in oats and other healthy hot cereals, i guess it started with reading Kath Eats Real Food...and then when i started reading more of the titled "recovery" (but about much more than that!!!) blogs i was shocked at how popular it was

*nut butterssssss and just loving fats in general, i started with peanut butter but then moved to adding almond butter...i think that's all i've tried actually aha but i might want to try cashew butter as many of you seem to adore it

*i've become more inspired by foods, the healthy and interesting combinations that can be created and i've learned to savour what nutritional values they contain and that it's important to enjoy food and just take your time with it, eating is an event :)

*photography...i have loved pictures and taking photos for a while, but i really love taking food photos...not like food porn aha but just really lovely photos of yummy creations, and still life in general, it just looks so pretty :D i'm not that talented and i wish my photos were as pretty as yours, but i'm working on it

[weheartit]

alrighty, well i have to go but i hope you're all well and just know that you mean a lot to me, love you all!!!!!

i want a love like that

hey lovelies :):) its august!! wow, time seems like it's flown by, but obviously a lot has happened in the last few months. so it seemed as though it was going slowly but now its almost over :( and then school. but i'm a bit excited for it, its my final year of uni so that's pretty important for me.

breakfast today was a bowl of rolled oats cooked with banana, cinnamon, then topped with wheatgerm, organic multigrain squares, more cinnamon, skim, a strawberry cut + a piece of a special homemade bread...

ohh and a tiny blobbb of natural creamy pb :) yum i normally don't like it on oats

i attended my first wedding this past weekend---my lovely cousin's wedding day :) it was such an experience. honestly, just so sweet. a bit unconventional but ahh they are amazing for each other. just an emotional evening, and weekend really. and i was having issues myself, feeling ill and all of that crap and then i just look at them, and look at people in the crowd dancing...all ages including my dad (we danced quite a bit aha) and seeing people that are enjoying life just puts the biggest smile on my face, honestly i was just grinning so much :P

what i wore on the rehearsal night not the wedding a bit casual though

i had to use the washroom and it was right before the ceremony so i rushed with my mom, and on the way out she was like oh my god its starting, and at the bottom of the stairs is my cousin's fiancee (At the time) so my cousin in a sense. i just recently met him but he's really lovely. and he was just standing by the door to the outside ceremony and my mom goes "oh well its a good thing you're still here so as long as we're behind you its fine!" and he sort of smiled nervously and was just taking breaths and i realised...oh my god, he's going through this, he's about to be married! like in a matter of minutes, and it's hard to explain but witnessing him just taking those moments and seeing how nervous and happy and excited he was, it was just really amazing to watch.

this really could be them :) so happy for those two and i want this

i managed to squeeze enough time to bake once in this busy weekend, and that was Amanda's Blissful Banana Bread...which I keep calling bliss banana bread, slightly altered mostly because I didn't have certain ingredients.

i've already made this a few times actually :P

and had some nice breakfasts, as the evening food was a bit of a scary thing for me, and slightly disastrous. not bad really, i mean one night it was quite elegant but all in all i need to work on eating out i guess. its not just this fear, its the whole "my stomach is so sensitive" thing, which is true. on the second night i had to get another order because of an intolerance thing, and felt so stupid and embarrassed and just like i had made so much work for others (no one noticed obviously aha they were busy drinking and eating and chatting)...and was so hungry and sick feeling since i hardly had anything and it was almost 10pm so when dessert came, despite the whole rich chocolate display and the fact that i would probably feel sick i just started eating part of it, not the ice cream but around the chocolate thing. it was one of those lava ones where you put your spoon in and the chocolate pours out. it looked so cool because it was steaming hot and the ice cream was cold so visually i was amazed :D and i ate some of it :)but the atmosphere was lovely and after the wedding that night here was dancing and it was a lot of fun, just not caring what i look like (which was most-likely ridiculous!!!) and boogying with my dad, mom, cousins, random family and distant relatives, grandmother, etc...

dessert of 1/2 banana, bit of vanilla soy icecream and multigrain oat squares

so i actually liked the weekend, despite the scary things that it involved for me. i know it was NOT about me, and i just kept telling myself, this is not your night, and just watching other people who looked so happy really helped me. and letting loose! that really works at times :) my cousin had this permanent smile on her face :)

i hope you're all well, i have an internship this month for a few weeks and then i go up north for a short bit and then get ready for school!!! ahhhh...anyway, im a bit exhausted after little sleep this weekend...


sort of like this pumpkin...

but i love you allll