just keep breathing

hey lovelies:):)

this morning's breakfast from home was a bowl of scottish oats ("cinnamon-ginger-apricot" oaties) with a few tbsp kashi honey sunshine and a tbsp granola, and skim milk on top. a bit too much cinnamon actually, it was so strong...i didn't know that was possible :(

gingerrr
i was at home again for a short bit, and had a family dinner, grandmother invited as well :P I just have one grandparent alive at this point...I grew up with essentially just two both my parents' mothers as my grandfathers died by the time I was four. anywho...she's almost ninety two I believe and still looks pretty good. she's rather proper as well, aha she always taught us to use correct grammar and would lecture us on it, and that side of the family is a bit more, ahh i guess 'sophisticated' than my mother's side perhaps. i feel like im just losing it, i mean i'm not doing well with anything and i'm even struggling with my final year of uni. and i've always worked hard and did pretty well, so it's just sad. i don't even know what's going on, but i am terrified. why is this happening? i know partially things are controlled by me and my mind, but i feel like i've been dealt the shittiest cards, not with my whole life i know i've been given a lot, but me...like just me in terms of health and anxiety and just happiness and everything i just don't like anything. and i hate being negative but seriously its so hard right now.

i can't remember the last time i had these :)

growing up i was never allowed any 'junk' cereal, so we had, you know, a variety of hot cereal in the cold months which my mom would make for us all during the week (red river, cream of wheat, oatmeal at times) and then eggs and toast, and for cereal i'd have like all bran or bran flakes or corn flakes or shredded wheat, or what are the big ones, like a bit wheat thingie? aha anywho on my birthday, for my party i'd invite just a few girls and they'd sleep over and for breakfast i could pick one or two 'special' cereals just for then, so i'd be so happy and pick like lucky charms or something :P otherwise we'd never have that. and my one best friend would always have cinnamon toast crunch and i'd love going there and staying over and having that for breakfast, a special treat :P at the time i hated not being able to have those normally, but now i'm glad my parents did that. because the other stuff wasn't that bad, and less sugar. it also made me appreciate it when i did get to 'splurge'. but now all those cereals are made with whole grain i think. still lots of sugar, but hey whole wheat :D

well, i'm just not sure what to do. with this blog i mean. because clearly im not in any way helping others, so i guess it would be a blog, sort of documenting, asking for help? but that's not nice. so im stuck. i've said that a lot. i just don't know what to do...ugh. but i like taking photos of food sometimes :P

so...oooh i haven't had a bar in ages...like special/expensive/"bar" type and recently purchased some to put away for later, some at my house and a few at my apartment. and yesterday i had one pb larabar which had been there since bfore christmas and i kept wanting to eat it but was scared it had gone bad or something aha it was bbf this upcoming august, so i shared it with my mom yesterday and it was good :) i also have a banana one there. and otherwise i'm starting to try clif bars. i remember trying one a few years ago but it was so rich and i wasn't in love, i think i had like chocolate something. but a few months ago i picked out a oatmeal raisin and oh gosh it was sooo good like a healthy but undercooked oatmeal raisin cookie :) and not too rich so i got a few more of those, and also tried the carrot cake and a black cherry something so i'm hoping they will be more like bars rather than, i dunno rich cookie dough like the chocolate/pb (?) one i tried a few years ago. i also got a luna which i've had, i think i picked out the ah i forget the name like cranberry something. there are many flavours that we don't have in canada yet. ;( we have one called optimum organic or something and i got the blueberry flax which i like (i think, anyway....). so yeee bars.

i hope you're doing well, happy monday :) and that you're enjoying the beginning of spring i
guess gosh its warm here. that all depends on where you live i guess.
xox