wednesday april twentieth

hey lovelies :):)

i used to post titles as simply the day of the week, which makes sense. and i like writing numbers out in their full form, or with words. i know there's a term for that, opposite of numerically...?

today's breakfast was scottish oats :) cooked (i just wrote cookied...eee that would be interesting) with water, small banana and ginger, and along with almonds, touch of skim, tbsp raisin granola and some multigrain squares

this photo sort of shows it, however it looks much more beautiful than mine did i believe. i wish my camera was always working, but mainly its me. i rarely take photos anymore. but i will try, because i like having my own photos to show :) plus i don't want to take others, even though i credit i'm sure they're not pleased :/ simplybreakfast blog is such a classic i think with breakfast blogs and her photos are absolutely gorgeous

holy mother im so stressed out right now ahh. normally i cause myself so much anxiety through like personal issues, and that's definitely a cause of this but also. school. exams. and like everything is going wrong. i do not want this post to be negative but like scheduling is messed up and im so rigid so when things (such as time) gets moved i panic so much. and one of the exams i wrote early this week, i just did not feel positive about it at all and that worries me. and sometimes when i do feel okay about something it turns out to be worse than i'd perceived. but im also feeling unmotivated. i just don't understand what im going to do, or what im supposed to do. complete university, yes, and then find work. but i know it won't be in the field that i ultimately want to be in (film, acting, or production of some sort but for sure acting)...ive wanted this for so long and i do know how unrealistic it is. but, its hard to explain but i do not feel mentally or physically or emotionally prepared to work, but i have no choice. i also feel like, what's the point. i mean with everything. i feel like nothing is going right so, in the end, nothing will. it seems like a trend i've been following, suddenly its one thing after another that i'm hit with (or cause myself) so its hopeless to just believe that things will look up. especially since most of it has to come from me, and i just don't have the energy anymore, i honestly just give up :/

okay change of 'tude, jen. ahhaha honestly this girl in my grade seven class i think (?) i was in french immersion from grade one through eight, and she sort of was constantly getting into trouble with our teacher and i guess this one instance she spoke back, so (her name is samantha)...madelle (tehe that's what we referred to her as) was like, "LOSE THE TUDE SAMANTHA". and my friend and i found it soo hilarious :P

i have been home a bit and i've spent time with my baby:

and my bowl:

i just get very inspired by food photography, especially breakfast. pretty much just that. and mostly like bowls of hot cereal varieties and cold and sometimes muffins.

i've been having honey on breads (whole grain and spelt and artizan, etc)
mine are never too adventurous, i don't like being adventurous with food. but im also so indecisive and also i have an issue with regrets, like i always regret things afterward, be it the show i choose to watch (i think ugh the other would have been a better choice) for whatever reason and it bothers me so much afterward, or the food i choose. so i often have so many different things in a bowl. and i worry that if i don't regularly have one thing it will go bad, or i dunno just all these rules and so fucking draining.

but i'd like to try new things :)

i want to get cashew butter when im finished with the tahini (or like "finished" as it might go bad before im done, if it's not already because i don't enjoy it as much but i've been forcing myself to try like bits every now and then to get more accustomed to it) and also another pb+c but probably just a plain one, i have to finish my bees knees one, and my local store, as in the closest one ust started selling them but only smooth operator. and whole foods here in canada just sells that, the bees knees and cinnamon raisin swirl which i will get next time i go, which might not be for a month and a bit. i'd also like to get almond butter again but i can't have too many nut butters opened at the same time. i always like to have a natural pb opened and now i have an organic crunchy one which i like :) and ohh prunes, i just got some and they're at my home so if i like them i could get them for my place, i just need to finish my apricots :P and eat my dates too. i love dates.

well i must get back to studying and what not. i hope you're doing well,
i keep reading posts which are inspiring :) lots of love,
xoxjen.