remembering...

hey lovelies :):)

how are you beauties today :) its a bit chilly. actually, yesterday that was a bit of an understatement. i know its november, but its a bit shocking when it drops 15 degrees (celcius) day to day. however. much better than the heat, so i cannot complain, no i cannot :P

this morning's breakfast was pretty yum, a cold cereal mix. i used the last of my shredded wheat bites, along with plain cheerios, with 1/2 banana, tbsp almonds, dried cranberries, + skim milk. and sprinkled with cinnamon&ginger of course :)...with blackcoffee beforehand.

i was out for a short break/walk today (from work/intern stuff from my place, applications, nothing exciting really...i lead a boring life). i made it brisk as the wind was a bit harsh. i enjoyed some hot peppermint tea though, shortly after my return.

mine was actually a bigelow 'mint medley' (which is nice), but my heart still lies with this lovely company...i usually have the sleepytime, chamomile and peppermint in my cupboards. i have not found the holiday ones in canada...like the sugar cookie one or the gingerbread as shown here. hmm, does anyone wanna do a swap or something? that, or you could just send me some. :P teheee i kid.

i tried to calm down/de-stress (impossible) with breathing, stretching, yoga moves idk. im impatient. because i know the value of yoga but rarely take the time to do it properly. its a bad cycle, really :/

last evening, my brother put on this old dvd family video to show his girlfriend. she's nice though :P but anyway, i love watching those and i'm sure i've mentioned it a bit on here. but it was one largely composed of our music practicing, so just repeats of myself at the piano age 8 i think. or 9 but i feel like it was eight. i just feel sad looking at it, because i worked hard, i was determined, and carefree. i know i had a lot of worries, and ive always been an anxious child. but i just look at it and wonder 'what was she thinking at that moment'...and then i feel the need to apologize. to apologize to this girl, and warn her about the years ahead. "im so sorry, but you might have a bit of trouble coming your way in a few years"...i hate this, i feel like i've done something to her. even though she's me. i don't think she deserved to feel this way, and to experience pain, but i guess everyone does right? i mean childhood is often not nice. i was blessed with a family, comfort, a functioning mind and body. and my childhood, all-round (despite my own issues) was rather nice. i feel like i have trouble growing up, grasping that fact. dealing with my responsibilities in a positive, and not negative or destructive, manner. does this make sense? i hope im not just crazy. or worse...irresponsible, not prepared for life, unrealistic? that would be worse i think.

i was going to post a video. but then after recording...well, hm i'll leave it for another time. i've posted way too many, and i feel a bit odd about it. plus it was confusing, perhaps a bit too honest. i will leave you with a photo, just to say hello :P....

tada! first time trying this little thing :)

i thought it was like a luna...but then the vanilla flavour and texture was like a rice crispie...healthier maybe? idk it was with all organic and brown rice, gluten free, only a few ingredients. plus the inside of the box is filled with facts on wildlife and part of the sales go toward a related organization :) but it was a bit expensive.

im off to continue doing...things, ugh. i hope you are having a nice start to the week, and had lovely weekends.

xoxoxoxox

love you all like pb&nananananer

an update of the sort...

hey lovelies :):)

today will be quick...a little post. im feeling just, not so motivated. but i wanted to try something new. so i've explained thing in a little video, which makes little sense, and is boring, the usual :/

today is saturday :) tomorrow is sunday :) i ran today, did some work, organized and cleaned...my brother is away up north with my dad for the day. and i feel like i haven't done anything. i feel UN-accomplished (is that a word? probably not.) no matter what i do, i feel like im wasting time, wasting my day and my life. like im getting no where...

phewf. so that's that. i spend so so sooo much time today trying to fix the layout of this blog. and of like tumblr and everything, too long and i feel gross every time i realise how much time i wasted on things that do not really matter. in the grand scheme of things i mean. and it still looks awful. i want to center my header...and maybe change it since its not quite a header, more like an image. i don't know how to do that. and the colours and background and everything, i can't make it 'work' and its irritating me so much. but every time i try to fix it things get worse. so then i just get pissed off because i feel like im failing at everything. ugslkdfjsj. and honestly these things don't matter though do they? to me they do, the little things, it means a lot to me. and can sort of dictate the way my day goes, sometimes. but yes if anyone knows how to change those things please let me know

i hope you're all doing okay, and please let me know! i would love to hear from you all, you have no idea. its the simple things that please me, and make me happy :) i'm not sure where to go from here...

xoxoxox

love you like banana&oatmeal

wednesday, fall, november, baking, stuck...

hey lovelies :):)

breakfast was yummy, described below :) i promise i will get back into taking photos a bit more regularly



i made another video :) ahhhh. yes. i like doing this, even if you don't like watching them :P

when i was at home recently (as i normally just bake there, so i can use the dishwasher & not have to wash everything like in my apartment) i made a few things with wheat germ :) i don't typically have it on cereal like i used to, though i'd like to get back into that. but i looove wheat germ and its nice in cookies & muffins. anne lindsay has a few cookbooks and i grew up eating many healthy recipes that my mom made from the books that we own. there is one for "wheat germ raisin muffins"...and i think you should make it :P unless you don't like wheat germ:

1 3/4 cup whole wheat flour
3/4 cup wheat germ (i used bob's red mill...he's my lover)
1/3 cup granulated sugar
1 tablespoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 1/2 cups milk
1 egg; beaten

In bowl, combine flour, wheat germ, sugar, baking powder
and salt; stir in raisins. Combine off, milk and egg;
pour into flour mixture and stir
just until combined. Spoon into nonstick or paper lined muffin
tins, filling each three-quarters full.
Bake in 375 F oven for 18 to 20 minutes or
until firm to the touch.

***************

this is a photo of the wheat-germ-ww-raisin-chocolate-walnut...cookies.
the recipe called for dried cranberries & semi-sweet chocolate chips, along with walnuts.
but i used large thompson raisins for the dried fruit, and i tried a bit! i think dark chocolate pairs nicely with wheat germ.

i've been re-reading, for the i have no idea number of times, the harry potter series when im home. sine i have to be reading something at all times...i need to read before bed & make sure i always have a book on hand. its sad how many times i've read these...

i just realised that, if i lived in the society in 'the giver', i would have been released. i'd be likely...labelled inadequate. if you haven't read it, well this will be very confusing, and maybe i just think too much. but by the way please read it as it's quite good :) its sort of sad, the rosemary character, who was given memories of loneliness...she was shocked, and didn't know that feelings like that existed. and asked for her own release...i think she was sad, depressed perhaps. and that type of society didn't understand any of that. it just shows that, what we might wish for, a perfect society, everything in place, 'safety' and feelings of 'safe' versus 'fear'...it's not always better. that type of society, although completely fictional i realise and not possible (though its supposed to be far in the future)...it would never work. or if it did, i couldn't even imagine living like that. either you are like the rest of society, and are born just the same, and don't have feelings or memories, you don't know how life would be any other way...or you're different, special and, like jonas, singled out to learn about feelings and have the memories of the past transferred into your mind. you learn how to love and to truly feel for another person. but, because the rest of the society does not have 'feelings', they can't share it with you. im not sure what would be worse, not having feelings, memories, not being able to love someone...or to have all of those but not be able to get it in return.

does that make any sense? sometimes i fear that i just over-analyse things, and that i'll say something to someone (or write something on here) and people will be like...whaaa? i get self-conscious & paranoid that i going crazy or something. because it makes sense in my mind but if it comes out as confusing or jumbled or just weird...then im losing it or something. :P

that's all really, i have had some changes, some new things going on which i guess is good but so far out of my comfort zone. a silly name since im never comfortable and always stressed. but somehow trying to control my environment and life and schedule seems safer...i might talk about it next time though i feel odd sharing too much, as this is public. it has to do with work i guess, life, careers. which is supposed to be exciting. so i just need to figure a few things out and mention it when i'm a bit more relaxed. ugh, idk when that will happen :/ until next time. xoxoxoxox

ohhhh ps ps ps i tried steel cut oats yesterday morning! i made them, i actually did :D and i cooked it for nearly an hour. but i think i had the heat a bit too high throughout, or near the beginning as they were a bit chewy and when i had them in new york they were fluffy. so perhaps i should have it on lower? or maybe not cover it (bob said to cover and simmer...for ten minutes. but he also said that it would be chewier that way...i read it but didn't listen i guess. duhhh jen..) so i will try again, when im at home. and have more time in the morning. but i took a chance, and i tried something new. which is big for me, although that sounds a tad pathetic :P that's all :)

a quick hello...going out on a limb :/

hey lovelies :):)

how is everyone? i am happy to be posting again, and much sooner than i expected. i heard that many of you had snow on the weekend...we didn't, odd since im a bit further north :P

today for breakfast i had microwaved (which i like) plain oats in water with cinnamon&ginger, almonds, tbsp sunflower/pumpkin seeds, and banana; topped with a bit of shredded wheat bites, ginger-slice and a touch of soymilk

i also went for an earlier run this morning :) it was a bit short though, and i dressed for a colder temperature...so i got a bit warm. but it was okay actually. since i don't have any photos, and i was inspired by the lovely emily, i thought i'd try a video thing...though its quite boring and the quality is...not quite there. im not even sure it will work, and the first time the audio and image were not 'together'...so i tried again today :P and linked the old one. its a private youtube video, i thought that would be the safest, and i think it means that you can only see it if i provide the link or something? i hope you don't hate it, and still want to read this afterward.


here is the messed up audio one

that's all for today...i think i can get my camera this weekend and i'd love to get back to posting eats and what not, especially of breakfast. they are not always photogenic though, and i'm not a pro-photographer or anything :P i hope to get better. and i also hope to get a better camera...but that's a whole other idea.

things are still the same i guess. good and bad. mostly bad...but i'm trying to be positive because that's the only way they will improve. i'll leave you with a question, because this just came to my mind: i am reading this book for the billionth time this past year...'the giver' by lois lowry, i received it from a (still!) very good friend when i turned ten. everyone seemed to be reading it then, it was "all the rage" in my public school. baha, though i think the kids were slightly older. but, in my opinion, i feel like i was way to young to read it. because i'm over ten years older now, and there are so many aspects of the novel that i just didn't 'get' back then, every time i read it i find something new. the whole concept of this 'perfect' and ideal, safe, world that the author comes up with is fascinating. and scary and sad at the same time. and i cannot imagine that it would have made sense back when i first read it. i'm glad i decided to read it again, and now i just read it every now and then when i feel like it. if you haven't read it, i recommend it. very much so.

what are some of your favourite novels?

until next time :) xoxox