away we go

hey lovelies :):)

i’m going to post twice in a week!!! successss ;P this was unexpected, and i just felt like i wanted to say hello. i also have a lot on my mind (what a surprise…) and im going away for a short bit. its with my family and its only like a day and a bit, but im a bit scared. it’s at a hotel, eating out, away from here…i used to be so excited for these trips but it’s been a while, and i’ve become more anxious and structured and, well sheltered a bit.

this morning i went for a run, and my breakfast was really yummy. i feel so sick though and in fed up with that. it’s as though i can never feel okay, always with some type of stomach thing, or many at once. i had banana raw-almond gingery oats, topped with shredded wheat & crystallized ginger. very lovely indeed!

i hate how i can’t enjoy going away, i am filled with so much anxiety that it’s just unpleasant. i don’;t know if there will be thins that i can eat & im bringing lots of bars, nuts, bananas ;P i looked at reviews online, and people say how amazing the food is, they gained weight (implying that i was so good aha) there, blahhh, but also that it doesn’t cater to any dietary restrictions. and i feel like a total nuisance complaining to my parents or stating my fears because i know they don’t understand, so it seems just so frustrating to them, like im just purposely being a pain. when really im just so terrified. i also can’t find a frigging menu online for breakfast! they have he dinner one but i want to see what’s for breakie ;P i hope they can make plain oats, with water…then maybe they add fruit (bananananasss) or something. idk. i really don;t want it to be a buffet, as they terrify me, not for ed reasons at all. my parents assured me that we could do the a-la-carte breakfast + order from a menu. i know i sound like an ungrateful bitch at the moment. im also worried that i’ll be sick, get sick, either from the food or people or just because my life is going downhill at the moment. or my family will, whatever i know its weird but this is what i think about on an hourly basis. anddd honestly despite the fact that i feel so sick i had breakfast, snack, etc. and i don’t know if my  brother has even eaten yet and he’s been out driving to his girlfriends, drove back here with here and they’ve been doing laundry. he might have but i find it so triggering and feel like the biggest nastiest like lazy thing when i get something to eat and others have not. its stupid because he’s one person and i’m another. but often he’s like, you need to eat more jen, and comments on things and its like…whaaaaat? but im going to shut up now because i have no idea what he’s had and it doesn’t matter. right? right.

you know, its odd…i wanted to post, now i don’t. i thought i had more to say, or that i would post something sort of interesting, but it’s just me complaining. i hope that’s okay…i just wanted to vent i guess, and just share my feelings. and say hello. but now i’ve got to go…

so, ta ta for now! i hope you all have enjoyable weekends & i’ll talk to you later.

lots and lots and lots of love,

jennifer