slow down, world

hello :) 

...and happy friday (or black friday i guess, as even in canada we've adopted that crazy day)...

i won't be shopping though, but i have work scheduled later on and, to me, it's just the last friday of november. which is scary and crazy and a bit overwhelming; time just keeps moving along so quickly). 

 

this morning's quinoa & oats (stovetop quinoa and quick oats mix) w vanilla/ginger/cinnamon, water/almond milk, chia seeds, a touch of cocoa and a sprinkle of enjoy life chocolate chips and autumn wheat squares

i am just sitting here half in my pjs/half dressed because im too cold (or lazy) to change even though i need to get going. i'm sipping more coffee (well, i had coffee before breakfast and now i am having instant which is stupid for too many reasons: number one, my stomach...number two, it tastes awful, and number three...it's instant, i mean what am i actually doing...???)

this is old but i wish i could find this peppermint tea ;( they sell the brand but not this one near me

on that topic (old photos not tea) i keep spending a lot of time, too much time, looking back at photos from here and oddly finding myself sort of longing for a bit of it; but, at the time, i was unhappy with my body, homesick, physically sick...etc and one of the things i wanted was to change my body of course; yet now, im still sick physically, emotionally, and much lower in terms of weight...i guess that says something. or maybe im just spending too much time looking at the past because my future seems sort of hopeless now. i have two options essentially...to continue like this or to just go where i really don't want to go and make everyone happy. i might have three, but the third option is getting much harder to try to reach even though i feel as though i'm really trying as hard as i can on my own. 

 i really didn't want to get into this and i thought writing here would bring out something positive. i think i'll just stop soon before i post too much and then regret it. whaat a dump of a post, i really wanted to write something inspiring... ;) baha, that's funny, jen. oh i just heard adele on cbc (radio) and she make me laugh, her accent is too cute. anyway, i must go and get ready (i've made several pauses in this post to go out, have a snack, tea, food prep and what not but i always do that) ...hope anyone reading this is doing well. i guess i will say happy thanksgiving to any americans even though no one usually wishes us a happy thanksgiving in october but whatever, i can deal i guess.

lots of love 

xoxox

jennifer