i don't know

hey lovelies :):)

today my parents went away. they're on a little vacation, and normally i'd be away living at school, but at the moment i'm home. so i'm quite sad, i still get like this and i miss them, i'm also feeling quite ill so it just makes it all worse. i have anxiety issues so they just are triggered by these sort of things and it's very difficult for me to cope. i know that's a bit silly, but it's just the truth.

i have no photo of breakfast, but i did eat something this morning. banana, then a small bowl of cream of wheat, with a bit of wheatgerm, organic wheat squares and granola, a few almonds and a bit of skim milk. and strong coffee, i can't believe i'm saying this but...possibly a bit too strong? :P

it's sort of bipolar weather, i was going to say, 'its almost winter' because it snowed on sunday...but then monday was like...tropical almost just this strange warm wind was blowing through, then it rained. a lot :(

tehee..except i'm not an only child

i've been feeling rather sad these last few days, and i guess depressed, i don't use the term lightly so its not just a bit of sadness. im alone now as my parents are on vacation for a bit, so it makes me just more upset and anxious and just freaky about things. also im trying to figure out like apartment stuff and its not going well, like i'm meant to move in a bit for the rest of the school year, just because i wasn't supposed to be at home for the whole year and i was originally away at another university in another province on my own, so we're trying to do the same sort of thing for independence. and that's worrying me a lot. i've developed more safety things and held onto things so it will be even harder to let go of them. it's sort of bad, i mean im in university and i feel like i'm even less independent and strong and grown-up than a few years ago. i don't know why..

anyway, some breakfasts from the past week or so...

cold cereal mixture (basic shredded wheat, organic wheat squares,
optimum organic ginger-cranberry), banana, almonds, wheatgerm

scottish oats with cereal (organic wheat squares and optimum)
& walnuts

i believe that's cream of wheat with cereals and walnuts on top

i hope things get better, for everyone else and for myself (selfishly) but i do need to make an effort and i get that. it's just difficult you know? things keep getting in the way, and pushing me into this downward spiral. i guess that's all for now. lots of love