change of habits

hey lovelies :):)

today, i had cereal, surprise!!! no photo but it consisted of banana (eaten before coffee) and a mixture of LiFe* as well as shreddies and organic wheat squares, with almonds and a dried apricot, skim milk and cinnamon.

love this gorgeous one on weheartit...it might belong to a blogger
though!!!!

ive sort of moved from my family house to a place with my brother, apartment. though its in the same area that we live in (if i can say this myself, its a nice area :) ) but im having such a hard time. changing habits and rituals, just not having "safe" things (even though they might not be safe) and i've lost support from my parents as im not with them as much. i used to go to school away from home but this year has been different, and its only taken half a year to get used to being near family so its difficult at the moment. plus i miss my baby (cat) eveypoops :P

i want to dedicate this post to my parents, they don't read this btw aha but especially my mom (and dad too, he's helped so much!!!!) but with the move, my parents had my first dinner with me, helped clean up (even though i wanted to). and my mom joined me for coffee, breakfast and shopping the next day. i made her scottish oats, and had my banana beforehand as she haaates it cooked in (gives it all a strong flavour), and added wheat germ, walnuts and skim, along with LiFe* cereal, and for me i added some organic wheat squares, plus some cinnamon.

it looked slightly similar to this i guess

i love her:) and my dad...and brother and cat and family in general. but i cause them so so so much grief honestly :S

she would murder me for posting this, i've hidden features, its not a good
one of either of us, im sorry mom:(

i want to do a video but my webcam never really records sound, ehehe ive left some wacko vids for friends and its like...whattt the efff is she saying ahaha.

i was going to post this later as my camera is at home, and i haven't taken photos since, and, well i just wasn't in the right mind to post. but i decided that otherwise it might not be till forever, i won't be in the right "frame" for a while. im going home tomorrow overnight after my counseling type meeting wooppp :) plus something came up making me happier, giving me some hope and providing a bit of substance for this post :)
*****

i believe i was awarded with something eee! But please correct me if I’m wrong (even though that would be uber embarrassing)...but Adina (http://adiventures.wordpress.com/) mentioned “I'm tagging you for the stylish blogger award” and after much searching I’ve found what it means and that I’m meant to do seven things or so, and a few others i believe??? Here is goes. Lucky you, i’m ever so interesting...:P

thank you thank you thank you...honestly it meant a lot, even if it was just one reader, i dunno i was feeling a bit crappay (the different spelling gives it a bit of sophistication in my opinion)...but then this happened, added a bit of light (even if it was barely visible) to my day so i’m very happy about that, thank you lovie.

alrighty, so the random facts begin...

1. i love dakota fanning, as in for acting, style what not...ive sort of been inspired since i saw her in war of the worlds, then saw like all of her films afterward so i feel like i've followed her since she was 11 or so. and dreamer (inspired by a true story :P) ahh i just love that film. and i also love her sister, elle. they are both gorgeous and so talented, like freak children, but not really. and i love their clothing. i would love to have a career like that, possibly work with them, i just love to act as well.

2. i want to act in films, related to the above thing. ive always loved pretending and imagining and dreaming, and since i was like 5 i've been in acting groups and plays and such. but i have a fascination with film, the intimacy of it and would love to be involved with that medium somehow, so im also looking to work in production, on set, even with radio and television which i find are somehow connected. but the magic of film is one of its kind in my opinion.

3. i love to write/type in all lower case on the computer for some reason, especially proper names, it just looks prettier in my opinion. obviously i cannot do this at school, but the internet doesn’t correct it like my word document program. i made the exception with this post because i’m awarding girlies and i guess they deserve proper capitals :P:P

4. i have a lot of anxiety and fears surrounding being ill. specifically a phobia of being sick sick sick. it has a name :) but oh not happy. im rather obsessive about washing and try to keep clean, but never feel like its enough. makes things so hard and i have awful anxiety and panic attacks, and yea i've had the fear for honestly as long as i can remember, like 3 maybe, before...but it became sort of a phobia more at age 10 and really awful this past year and a bit.

5. i think i have peter pan syndrome :) honestly like my parents have made sure that i go away from home a lot and since a young age i went to camp for a while then for a month and did things away from home, but its always been sooo hard. when i was in like grade 3 i took a bear to school, i didn't even remember then my old classmate who was younger than me told me the story :) and i cried a lot. i get attached to things so when they change its so unbearable for some reason :( and i've always had, for a while, like some problem, obsession be it weight or germs or just washing...its something my mom brought up and i keep saying that i have an addictive personality :P but that's not a good thing

6. i used to be so in love with kids and babysitting and would nearly do it for free, now i worry about germs, even though that comes from everywhere of course. but i babysat, at age 12 (starting) a girl and her brother on my street where i lived in a small town...and she had something called Russel Silver Syndrome, google it :P but it is a rare disorder, and i had to tube feed her but otherwise she could just do so much, and even did it herself for me, she's a ray of sunshine and her brother was just as lovely, and their whole family was just amazing, dad as well. but i remember their mother, honestly this was the kindest woman i have ever met in my life. just sincere and loving and just giving, so so so giving and i still think about that family, it was tough to leave them. i remember at the time i didn't think it was a big deal but im sort of proud of how i took care of them, even just for like afternoons when their mom went out (she just went out on purpose since she knew i wanted to babysit them!)...and i always want to check to make sure the girl is alive, sounds morbid but like the life expectancy is iffy with the disease.

7. i used to swim competitively, actually did quite a few sports. gymnastics since i was like 3 maybe, but stopped when i had to choose and went with swimming till age 13. then didn't do it as often, perhaps that's when things got bad. like i used to worry, way far back i don't knwo what age, about if i was thin and swam so much and probably burned so much that i never counted things, but i would ask my dad like when we would eat dinner together 'how am i dad, can i still eat whatever?' and he'd say yes so i'd feel safe. but when i stopped doing constant sports i looked around and all of the calorie stuff came to me. the first blow came in grade 9 at boarding school i think there was just such a variety of things and i think i gained a bit at the beginning and then things went downhill, i guess i just tried cutting everything, and when it finally worked it was obsessive. anyway, whyyy am i going on this is not nice :( sorry!!!

award 15 other recently discovered fabulous bloggers! hmmm this is where it’s hard, i can’t to 15 because i don’t believe i know many new bloggers, but they are all fabulous of course, i’ll just leave comments and im so sorry if you’ve received it...hey wait that would be a good thing wouldn’t it??? I’ve altered the rules here, and im sorry if it’s not allowed but i will just say hello to a few girls on here (of many though, i just feel so overwhelmed here aha) that i really love...

Eliza’s such a sweetheart, and like many of us is having some trouble but i hope she’s smiling at least a tiny bit where she is right now and i love her so so so so so much. she just gets my love of dakota fanning too :P:P

Alex is so incredibly talented, intelligent and sincere beyond belief, she cooks up ridiculously-complex things and her photos are exquisite, but she’s so strong and beating her ed up soooo hard *bam! :P

Although she’s taken a break, i adore this lovie Lexi because she’s always been so kind and left very influential words on my blog, plus her style of clothing is amazing, she looks so great in everything and she seems like a wonderful friend.

Rhiannon, who I just met, is such a lovely person who seems to help out everyone with her advice, which is incredible and im excited to read more of her amazing bloggie. I know she’s been here for a while though....

Maya is equally-lovely as the above girls, she's offered so much advise despite what she's going through but honestly she's sooooo sweet, offering compliments that you just gush at. she shares my love of fashion and film, and i love her lovely photos.

Emily's really kind and sincere and offer's advice, plus i can related to her. her blog is so beautiful and i love looking at her breakfast creations :) she has the cutest style too, love her clothing.

Clemmy has posted so much, commenting on my boring notes :P she's hilarious and i adore reading her blog and laugh every time i see her fonts, she just changes from like MASSIVE words and i can see her expression changing, its like im reading and hearing her speak :) she's so sweet and strong.

Lucie, my goodness this girlie is filled with inspiration, from what she's gone through and her attitude and outlook, her wisdom is just, wow. i love this girl and she's so selfless offering whatever she can to the world, which shows on her blog which is so very unique.

Steph, one of the first to comment on my bloggie, she takes amazing photos of just every creation of food you could imagine. i learn so much from looking at her blog, and she's very strong.

Izzy just because she's canadian like me. kidding. well she is but she's also very sweet it seems, and i love her blog's beautttiful photos, and her oaties are so creative, like soaking them in tea, and filled with such a neat array of goodies. and a little while ago, maybe my eyes are failing me or this isn't a big deal, there were like snowflakes on her photos??? coooool :D

Hollie has a blog more about life and fashion, different from some of the others i've read but i found her when she was on the sartorialist, yea, like her photo was on there after he took it in london (w.t.f.!!!), she's so amazing. she's quite young (i mean that in a positive way) but full of amazing style ideas, lots of intelligence and a cute personality.

Laura, for her unique style, kind words and her strength. she's an inspiration. and she's so nice too :) plus she made the cutest video a few days back i think

Nadia seems like such a warm person, and i also believe she's received this, she's blogged for a while and has so many followers but i love her posts and her clothing of course :P:P

This lovely Kelsey left such a nice comment, and after reading her blog and ahh canadian once again, i just loved it. she does so many activities and it shows on her bloggie of course.

Rose's blog i've just recently started reading and im so glad i did, she commented on my post once and it was a happy day :) she's kind, full of wisdom (sound familiar aha) and has so much to offer, i love reading her cooking stories and admiring the lovely photography and just reading the words on her page.

ahh that's 15!!!
my goodness i want to tag about everyone, and write about them and just make sure they realise how incredible they are. so if you are reading this, this is all for you because each and every one of you make me happy :D <--- see a smiiile.

before i left, i had a few things that kept me a bit sane :) i mean reading my beloved harry, on the last book for the i dunno how many times, so its soon over once again. also listening to this brilliant classical station in my city, where i discovered this* song...which i've listened to so many times. we have a stereo here so i can play the station too, almost feels like home you know?

my dad's family dinner celebration was last weekend, i baked a cake! 1/2 a cake, well it was just a single layer so i cut it and tried to make that half look...:) and oh my god okay i had everything out and it was meant to be a simple white cake (butter cake i think it was called) and i was going to make the icing from scratch with my mom from an old "fannie farmer" cook book. so like i call it fatty farmer aha not because of the author, whom i've never met or anything, but because its just like rich things. or maybe its normal/basic things which just happen to be full of fat. anywho. my dad's birthday, so i wanted to please him. he is quite hesitant to allow me to make things in case i like do some low fat thing. he wanted chocolate but i asked if, for just once, we could do something else, and suggested perhaps butterscotch or caramel, or perhaps chocolate with another icing. so i had the ingredients all out, the flour, what not and made it...then looked (as it was in the oven and i was thinking something is wrong) it was whole wheat flour so i was like efffffff!!! baha, it actually was okay, i think the icing saved it but my dad said he liked the flavour it was sort of cornbread-like with the flour. but wow i felt so dumb honest like...jen one thing you had to do and you efffed it up.

do you like?

it feels strange to blog so late, i started this one yesterday and wasn't meaning on posting, but i thought it might be a while till i get my photos and such, of breakfasts and what not. plus this day has been a real bitch and a half and i had to go to class and would have posted around 5 ish but it wouldn't work, save, anything...i think its because i did part of it in word? anyway. i just want this to work out....
please keep being amazing, incredible, lovely all of you okay???
xox
lots of love

jen