need to breathe

hey lovelies :):)

so, today is going to be even hotter than yesterday. feeling like mid to high forties (celcius) baha. :/ it kills me. but still i wanted to run so i woke up eaaarly to do a little bit. eventually i had some breakfast, cold cereal...

mostly spoon-sized shredded wheat, with a bit of almond-raisin muesli flakes + life cereal (original), along with some skim milk, ginger&cinnamon + some large almonds...mmm. and some coffee.


this is an old photo of mine, but it sort of depicts my breaky, more bite-sized shredded wheat and less of the life however :P

a breakfast from a wednesday morning from home :)

plain oats with nannner, cinnamon, almonds. mix of dry cereal (almond raisin granola + multigrain wheat squares with some milk) + coffee...i like to put the dry cereal in a little mug (the flower tea one :P) and then add the milk. but keep it there until it is partially absorbed. like soggy cereal, which i realise sounds nasty but its yum usually. and then i add it on top and eat some myself :)

i like to reflect on my past sometimes (the good things...but often the negative things stay with you)...and talk about memories and myself. but that sounds self-absorbed. i just like remembering things and when i talk to my mom about that, she always assumes im self-absorbed :P like we have a collection of home videos on dvds which just recently were transferred, so i would watch them when i was at my cottage, with others and sometimes just for fun alone. but when i talk about them i often get the"look"...like, you're too obsessed with yourself. but often the videos include them! i don't get it. i just find it fascinating to see my younger self, my brother, and esp my parents (i really didn't "know" them as people when i was little, just as parents)...my brother for example, i love seeing how he was because i didn't really know him in the same way i do now, or i was just too young or not alive to see him when he was little. also, i remember thoughts that i had at age 3 do its so interested for me to just see what i was like. i just try to imagine what was going on in that mind of mine then. and some of the videos cover my piano, when i was talking lessons a lot and just constantly practicing, and it's inspiring for me to see how i was in the past, and hope that i can get that way again. i realise that people advise you not to look back, but often that presents a source of hope for me, and for my future. does that sound lame? :P idk i just like seeing them. but i was not an attractive baby. so so so big. :)

i've been having this creamy brown rice hot cereal quite a bit, usually for my brother as well as he seems to like it :P funny boy...but its yum and initially i let him use my honey (the lighter one) for sweetening it but he says he doesn't need it anymore :) an example of my bowl is with banana, almonds and a little bit of raisin-almond muesli flakes, and the cereal is cooked in water with cinnamon&ginger. i thought this photo sort of reminded me of it:


i would consider it dried mango on top :P inspired me actually to start making it...but also ginger slices perhaps, apricot something ish?
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i've been thinking a bit about this blog, and what i'm trying to talk about, deliver, etc. im not sure. i started sharing more, and wasn't too worried about the whole privacy thing, but now i feel as though i don't want to keep sharing so much. i feel like its hurting others more than helping, and i've never offered support through here. plus the fact that it is the internet sort of gets to me sometimes. perhaps if there was a theme to this, then it would make more sense and i'd have direction. but i feel like the only way i have more to talk about is if more 'bad' things happen, which sounds silly. but i don't write about the good things. lately i've been having trouble with a lot of things, so i guess i haven't really noticed the positives, if there were any. but for some reason i don't focus on those, in real life or on here. and i have so much trouble articulating things :/ i mean this makes no sense. i guess i'm not a writer? :P but i love sharing some things, and i love reading blogs. so i'm just stuck. i don't know what to do here...? i guess its obvious i like talking about myself sometimes. only certain things :P i know i don't have many people here but i love the supportive comments i've received, and reading your blogs, and learning more...if you have any questions just ask, and i can try to answer :)

xoxoxox love you all :)