when everything seems all wrong

hey lovelies :):)

i thought i'd use this again, though its not mine (i might be doing this for a while until i can take
more photos...i hope i don't get hate mail or something :/ aha)...

today i had shredded wheat bites with banana, almonds, cinnamon&ginger and skim milk, with a touch of gf whole grain rice chex

i thought i was doing better :/ i just had the worst night, well maybe not. and im sure i'll have bad ones to come. but i didn't sleep. i was awake till nearly 5 just trying to sleep, i was so tired. hot. and scared. because apparently i can't sleep anymore? i tried the eating before bed, which scares me, and then read for an hour, didn't use the computer...like 5 hours of trying. i hate this. im just so terrified i won't be able to sleep. tonight esp and any night. honestly after 5 hours, i was like....what if i never sleep? i mean you need to sleep to survive, and i thought i was just horribly messed up. here's to good nights i hope ;(

and i want these. so so so badly, they're from the 2006 collection i think marc by marc...or just marc jacobs idk but its the ones dakota fanning wore a lot in the teen vogue thing that year, and they were custom made for her and she got to keep them. ;( too unfair eh? ohhh speaking of dakota...

tehee i feel like such a tard but im happyyy and ohh gosh mean girls anyone...w karen putting stickers on her face in the mirrror and it ends up spelling it backward :P just like the writing on this photo

today i've had to do a lot of errands and work and family stuff, so i was worried with the whole lack of sleep thing...knowing i'd be tired and sicky and like cranky. i just came home to prepare a cake for my mom's birthday today, she's out visiting her sister (who's really ill) and shopping for herself and a few other things. and she wanted an orange shiffon cake, it's quite tricky and i've just completed it. you separate the eggs but when i put it all together, it didn't seem 'right'. and it called for six eggs. gahhh. i know cakes normally call for a lot, maybe three but six? ohhh well :P i can't skimp on it, i was going to but my mom separate them this morning and she phoned me, i was sort of trying to sleep as i hadn't much of course and said that it was probably a good idea for her to do it as i'd be out of it when i arrived :P but i felt sort of accomplished, it's been a while since i've baked, and especially a cake, and in particular something i haven't subbed. i put some applesauce for oil but otherwise it's just a nice cake, flour, sugar, orange rind, etc. and the eggs. i hope it turns out okay.

i just shared my first ever carrot cake larabar with my mom. her favourite cake is...carrot cake, and since i made something different this year i thought i'd have this with her...from an amazing wonderful inspiring love who sent it to me, as we do not have this flavour yet :P

xoxoxoxox i must go and eat with my famjam, mother's birthday and what not. i hope you're well and stay strong because i know it's going to be okay