hey lovelies :):)
hm i always seem to make the more spontaneous/unplanned posts when im upset. how attention-seeking of me, no? :P i had hoped my next post would include a lovely breakfast photo. but that will have to wait i guess. although i can tell you about this morning's breakfast if you'd like...
"cashew-banana-ginger"
old fashion oats cooked in water with 1/2 banana, cinnamon + ginger, with raw almonds and cashews, sliced-ginger & some skim milk...and coffee too.
i have a list of breakfast-inspirations and i didn't even realise i 'ticked' one off today, as i had saved this particular one...from the blog oats and tea. the photo can sort of depict mine, though my banana was cooked in, and i put a few bite-size shredded wheat on top
well i just am a bit mixed up at the moment, from things that are ongoing, things from this past week, and something which happened just today. i was meant to have an appointment, meeting, doctor/therapy and what not. i feel odd because i don't believe i've ever mentioned any details like that, but its not something i normally do, attending therapy i mean. at least not in my past. well, it was canceled and i don't know how to explain why it's affected me so much. i don't think i will as im sure it will make no sense. but a mixture of sadness and anger, but also, well idk really, she is sick and that scares me, i don't like sickness and what not. and i feel guilty for being scared to go because she's sick. and i feel like now i should get ill because im selfish. ugh i don't know how to explain it. anyway im a bit upset, its pathetic i sort of cried for a long time this morning just trying to figure out what to do. but it was over that. i mean...even i know that's a bit sad, jen :/ also, well ive been trying to make strides in a number of things and had some stuff to tell her, i was actually proud of some things that i did. and now i can't...i sort of feel like any improvement wasn't much of anything.
i visited my aunt, who's really ill, with my mom this week. and normally i'd be scared to do that, and she looked so different. but i went and im glad i did because i got to see her. but it makes me so upset, and i've just said so many times, or thought i mean, how i'd want to like give her my life. i've never said that obviously ahh that would be odd. and i don't exactly mean that. its just that i seem to be unhappy and other people would love to live, and are positive, strong, i just feel like im wasting some sort of give you know?
"cashew-banana-ginger"
old fashion oats cooked in water with 1/2 banana, cinnamon + ginger, with raw almonds and cashews, sliced-ginger & some skim milk...and coffee too.
i have a list of breakfast-inspirations and i didn't even realise i 'ticked' one off today, as i had saved this particular one...from the blog oats and tea. the photo can sort of depict mine, though my banana was cooked in, and i put a few bite-size shredded wheat on top
well i just am a bit mixed up at the moment, from things that are ongoing, things from this past week, and something which happened just today. i was meant to have an appointment, meeting, doctor/therapy and what not. i feel odd because i don't believe i've ever mentioned any details like that, but its not something i normally do, attending therapy i mean. at least not in my past. well, it was canceled and i don't know how to explain why it's affected me so much. i don't think i will as im sure it will make no sense. but a mixture of sadness and anger, but also, well idk really, she is sick and that scares me, i don't like sickness and what not. and i feel guilty for being scared to go because she's sick. and i feel like now i should get ill because im selfish. ugh i don't know how to explain it. anyway im a bit upset, its pathetic i sort of cried for a long time this morning just trying to figure out what to do. but it was over that. i mean...even i know that's a bit sad, jen :/ also, well ive been trying to make strides in a number of things and had some stuff to tell her, i was actually proud of some things that i did. and now i can't...i sort of feel like any improvement wasn't much of anything.
i visited my aunt, who's really ill, with my mom this week. and normally i'd be scared to do that, and she looked so different. but i went and im glad i did because i got to see her. but it makes me so upset, and i've just said so many times, or thought i mean, how i'd want to like give her my life. i've never said that obviously ahh that would be odd. and i don't exactly mean that. its just that i seem to be unhappy and other people would love to live, and are positive, strong, i just feel like im wasting some sort of give you know?
however i have been trying to do what i have to do, and continuing to search for work and am anxiously awaiting examination results for uni :( ahh its quite scary. im hoping for the best, there isn't much else to do. unless i just assume the worst, which i often do. thats not much fun though :P
that's all for now and i hope to return with a nice photo of my own :) love you and i hope you're all doing amazingly-well xox
"je veux devenir heureux, mais quelquefois, c'est plus facile de succombé à la tristesse"
Best of luck for your results etc. You're right if you think the worst well...all you will do will think the worst, there's not knowing how you've done but given the choice let's think positive about all this! Fingers and toes crossed for you. Going to read a bit more of your blog now. x
ReplyDeletethank you :) xox
ReplyDeleteI hope your therapist will be ok :/ But just because she is sick does not mean that you are any less important. Canceled appointments happen to me too. It makes the past week or two feel like a "waste" when you have been working on things and then don't get a chance to talk about it. Hopefully you can still be proud of what you wanted to tell her :)
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry about your aunt. I know you wish you could make her well, and I know it is unfair that your aunt is suffering, but please do Not think that your life is any less important than hers! You are not wasting anything. You are not choosing to be unhappy, or to be dealing with difficult things anymore than she chose to be sick. No one can help what unexpected things happen to them, and you are so strong to continue getting through it.
Good luck with your exam results! I hope everything turns out well. ne succombes pas à la tristesse ( i hope I conjugated that properly ;P I am so bad at french) xxo
:) emily, you're wonderful & thank you so much xox
ReplyDelete