mommy dearest ;(

 

hello loves :) happy may! and happy saturday ;P …..

well, this morning i had a bowl of oats, a nice melange of quick and old fashion (extra-thick! …bob’s red mill) oats, with dark raisins, pear & raw almonds, cinnamon and ginger and topped with crystallized ginger and almond milk. i ate something similar a little while ago, which is shown below ;P but, close enough.

i still don’t love pear in oats, they lose their sweetness and i normally just rely on bananas to sweeten my oats. but i didn’t have one in my cereal today, so i had hoped the raisins would help. i added a tiny bit of dark natural honey part way through ;)

its so freaking hot today i want to die. blahhh. i went for a short run this morning and, out of the sun, it wasn’t too bad. but i don’t enjoy running in heat. everyone else seems to love it though.

so im different.

i have been slowly packing my things, as im moving home for a short while. but, most of it will be in storage for when i get my own place (again, though this could possibly be my own apartment or condo. dreaming but hopefully it could happen soon! after i start working more regularly, and so on…) and i have also been decorating in the process.

which seems sort of pointless.

but i’ll be using much of the furniture (like my armoire) in the new place. both doors have a few things on the inside; one is more fashion-inspired, but the other reflects films, movies and art. you see, as i was putting things into bins i went through much of my old teen vogues, i guess i haven’t subscribed in a few years. but i have kept a pretty massive stack. so i took some of the things from there, which is why some of these photos are dated. but they are from my favourite issues or articles, segments.

ugh. well lately my life is sort of shit. all-time low, we’re talking here. im not sure when i became so dependent; like a child, really. its pretty sad.

the title was just from something i came across in one of the old issues (ironically it was about negative mother-daughter relationships…or, destructive/unhealthy, sort of..), but it sort of connects. i promise im not that much of a baby. but i do have some weird issues with change and seeing certain people. go. i don’t even live at home, but its always been more than the ‘norm’ in terms of how i feel. sorry that sentence was horrible. aha i can’t write anymore ;( my parents are away for a couple of weeks, and im supposed to check on the house a bit. and my evey (cat) ;) is here with us (my brother and me). she often stays with us when my parents are away. but my brother is also on some work training retreat, or resort thing. so i haven’t actually been alone overnight in this place (our apartment) over the past year and a bit that we’ve been here. i’ve been at my house or family home a lot overnight and sometimes for a week, and when i was at Dal for uni, i was always alone (except in residence). so i just wanted to clear  that up ;P my parents have always made sure that i leave home for periods, ever since i was, like, eight i guess for camp.

i guess i sort of thought that, by posting today, it might make me feel better. i know its the internet, but i still feel connected to most of you, which makes me feel slightly less alone. (i say today but i really mean yesterday, i tried to post this but wasn’t finished at all…and got mixed up with other things that i had to do. and other thoughts.) alas! …anyway. i just really wanted to be able to use ‘alas’, i think that worked though, right? ive been watching too much harry potter. and i really want some bertie botts beans :) good ones, or just yummy jelly bellies.

its taken me too long to write this up…i was out doing things and still haven’t completed it, so ive been creating this post in stages. its evening now, but i had a lovely walk back. it was a bit chilly but much nicer than the past few days, and no humidity. so, much better & thus im much happier. well, with  the weather anyway ;P that’s all really, i know it isn’t much of a post, and i hesitate to go on and share more. because a lot of stuff is going on and i really don’t know what is going to happen to me or how im going to fix myself, but i feel like there is little reason to mention it (for privacy reasons but also because its not helping any of you to just expose everything!)

but…in a way i also want to talk to people, especially to those who have been in sort-of-similar situations. maybe i wouldn’t feel as lonely. so, if you’re reading this, i’d obviously love to talk to you more :) and i really appreciate the people who i’ve connected with, as they have been very helpful, kind & supportive. anyway, this is so awkward and sappy now. so i’ll just…uhm, go now… hehe..okay, talk to you later, lots of love. xoxox