…

 

“We ate the birds. We ate them. We wanted their songs to flow up through our throats and burst out of our mouths, and so we ate them. We wanted their feathers to bud from our flesh. We wanted their wings, we wanted to fly as they did, soar freely among the treetops and the clouds, and so we ate them. We speared them, we clubbed them, we tangled their feet in glue, we netted them, we spitted them, we threw them onto hot coals, and all for love, because we loved them. We wanted to be one with them. We wanted to hatch out of clean, smooth, beautiful eggs, as they did, back when we were young and agile and innocent of cause and effect, we did not want the mess of being born, and so we crammed the birds into our gullets, feathers and all, but it was no use, we couldn’t sing, not effortlessly as they do, we can’t fly, not without smoke and metal, and as for the eggs we don’t stand a chance. We’re mired in gravity, we’re earthbound. We’re ankle-deep in blood, and all because we ate the birds, we ate them a long time ago, when we still had the power to say no.”

(Margaret Atwood)

i haven’t written here in a long time. i sort of thought that i might come up with something spontaneously, yet i also had a feeling that this blog had died a little bit. but today i just really felt like writing here, even though i have nothing to say. i’m not going to focus on the negative (meaning, the present) because that hasn’t helped me so far.

random snaps of breakfast

i’m just a tad embarrassed that i have nothing really interesting or noteworthy to share.

except, i got even older.

but that’s sort of a given, and i didn’t really try hard to achieve that one. i actually wasn’t that happy about this, but i think i’ve shared enough on that topic, year after year.

i don’t like getting older.

cottage chipmunk. there were so many that weekend, more than i’ve seen since we got eve in 2002          (they used to come around, and were pretty tame when i was little)

i’ve started going out with people a bit more. nothing too crazy because…loner. but, you know, like family things, a bit of friend stuff. i might be going to an art gallery this friday with a new friend. i know, that’s pretty wild. i try.

 

oh, rory, i completely agree. (i love him so much by the way. the entire culklin clan are fucking foxes)

i know that there isn’t anyone reading, really. i miss everyone so much, i don’t know where you are ;( oh well, i hope that the absence means that you’re having fun, enjoying life, leaving behind your struggles and all that crap. i know that’s not the case for me, but i’m not really like other people. ahaha… im a ‘special case’. ugh, it hurts though. i’m not going to lie. i know someone who uses that expression for everything, literally. it’s actually pretty funny. i haven’t said anything yet though. but, yea…i tend to like to be alone, yet i realise that this is not a healthy thing. but distractions don’t work like they used to. by blocking reality out, i don’t make the thoughts, the sickness, the anxiety, and sadness, go away. it still sits there like a huge rock that tries to butt into everything. but i think that’s sort of common, and i hate to act like a huge pity attention-seeking complainer (which i am). so i’ll just leave it at that.

again, i really miss you. anyone out there that’s ever written a little message or note, or that i’ve connected with in the past. i still remember everyone, and think about people very, very often. xoxox