hey lovelies :):)
how is everyone’s sunday?
i’m feeling just a bit sad today. anxious and a bit sicky, plus i always have a tough time (this is embarrassing considering my ripe old age…) when my parents are away on a long vacation; even when i went to school across the country and rarely saw them, knowing that they were gone, not accessible made me sort of weirdly upset. and i get awful stomach symptoms which might be related to that, or stress, or something else. but i just get this sad feeling, its like homesickness but intensified and doesn’t go away. i can feel it and i’m so aware that its about to hit me. i’m really hoping i can avoid anything like that this time. i mean…it’s a bit pathetic and i should be okay. maybe if i distract myself? i’ll try, anyway. i just feel a bit lost and it seems as though this will never end. at the moment i feel sick and scared, and i hate this so much. but onto other things…
ginger raisin cinnamon muesli oats!
mixture of quick oats, alpine swiss muesli & org oat bran cooked in water + microwave, with natural almonds, golden raisins, cinnamon& ginger, topped with crystallized ginger and milk
i found this photo online and thought it was quite fitting (minus the fact that it’s granola) :) and really pretty.
so, i’ve been feeling very stressed. it’s so annoying though, because i can feel my mind racing and i try to sort of plan and control things, but then i have so many thoughts and i can’t distract myself, so i try to figure them out, and end up thinking even more…but i can’t leave them alone or i get more anxious. does that make any sense at all? or am i just really crazy…
i’m trying to distract myself with things that i need to do, or just things that normally calm me…like writing (here…) reading, films, walks, tea. but nothing is helping. im just sort of losing it by now. i know it might pass but it doesn’t help the fact that it’s here right now. i keep telling myself, calm down jen its anxiety, you’re okay, just breathe. but it’s not really working.
as i never seem to show you any photos of my lunches, here is one from a little while back home: one cold (the best way) hard-boiled egg with salt and coarse-ground pepper, piece of whole grain bread with creamy honey (looove) and cinnamon, baby carrots and ginger, unsweetened applesauce and cinnamon, chamomile herbal tea :)
do any of you have tips (like foods, drinks, or calming activities) that help you relax and avoid anxiety and stress attacks? i need to find better ways to cope with this, and i’m at a bit of a loss, really.
i also just found out something about my health, some not so pleasing results and i sort of had a wake up call. well i didn’t know them but my doctor/therapist actually contacted my parents first, so i felt a bit shocked and upset. now, i know how annoying it is when someone writes this (when they’re clearly not taking care of themselves) and then says, ohh gee how is this happening? and they still go on worrying about their calories and sodium and fat intake. but, on the sodium topic i cannot believe i made myself get sucked into that. i’ve NEVER worried about that, even from the beginning when my intake dropped and i counted every gram of fat, i never worried about sodium. i fucking need it, it hydrates you and prevents goiters…:P
but most-importantly your body needs it in order to function properly. and low sodium levels can lead to low blood pressure. god im such a fucking idiot. anyway, never again. it’s good to not go wayyyy overboard but, seriously, it’s fine to have salt. anyway. but i often find that no one takes you seriously until there is a physical example or evidence that something is wrong. i’ve always felt panicky at times, and would be so nauseous and weak and dizzy, even at a much higher weight. so i know that my stress and anxiety is really messing me up, not just the weight thing. i’m not making any sense here, but i complained of this for a while but everyone thought i was just overly-concerned because nothing showed up in any results. but now that there is ‘evidence’ and what not, people are suddenly concerned. it’s also scary, because you don’t think that there’s a problem, you don’t really think that you’re in danger until something like that shows up in a test, and it’s normally a bit late by then. i don’t even know what im getting at here. but im pissed off and scared, i don’t know what to do because what i’m doing isn’t helping anything. i am not sure how im going to get better from any of this, i honestly seems “too far gone” by this point. that’s such an awful attitude but it’s just too hard to try to combat the fears and anxieties and ignore the billions of triggers that i get on an hourly basis.
i want to leave you with something positive though and, since i cannot provide that myself today, i’ll get some outside help :P
until next time, and i will be happier…i really hope so anyway :/