Sunday, October 31, 2010


hey lovelies :):) happy sunday, and of the month :P i wanted to update earlier than normal, but stupid me forgot to snap a photo of breaky...oh well.

similar to this from earlier in the year

oatbran with chopped dates and cinnamon cooked in (no banana as i was making it for my family) and almonds, more cinnamon :P and a bit of flax granola and multigrain life on top, with skim milk to cool it all down.

lots of almonds mmmm

okay i just need to say this...i am beee-yond excited for the last harry potter film, part one in like less than a month, and i want to preorder tickets but i don't know if anyone will dilemma i don't want to go alone, i'll buy two anyway online and beg someone...anyone wanna join??? :P ahh im re-reading...

7th time maybe?

i'm going out with my family for dinner tonight i believe, i'm sort of anxious. i haven't gone out for an actual meal in...i can't remember, well i guess the wedding in the summer, though i didn't eat much. i just get scared when other people are preparing and i don't know what's in it, and like whether it will make me sick or just, other people making it, and i don't know exactly what's in it and everything. i used to go out so much more and i loved it, i loved eating out and getting like teas and coffee and food and it made me excited, especially on family vacations or when i'd travel alone or with like groups it would be fun normally, now it's this terrifying experience :(

hard to see? :P black skinnies and banana republic tee..

anyway, i hope it will be fun. if we go to this certain restaurant, it's one of my old favourites, this nice italian restaurant and their salads are really nice, and they have certain pastas which i don't think i'll have, but they have like thin crust pizzas, i just don't know about the cheese. whatever. i will just go and then choose i guess. and its not like i'm with people i don't know, so i can feel more at ease with my family i hope.

i hope everyone is doing well, lots of love

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

take my hand

hey lovelies :) :) i've been bad, i hardly write on here or post. i guess i wanted to try to write something more positive, instead of just posting for the hell of it you know?

first things first...breakfast today, after a short run (it was quite warm, fall-ish but not like brisk or anything) but it was was sooo mucky. it was similar this past weekend since it rained but even worse now that so many people have been running on it :S

bowl of cold cereal (mix of organic wheat squares, cinnamon Life, Quaker oat squares, yummy flax granola) then almonds and some banana, with cinnamon on top. and coffee mmm

i cannot believe its almost the end of october. woow. i'm liking the temperature, brisk, and short little runs in the early morning is nice because its cool, a bit chilly but not frigid and it usually feels pretty nice. the leaves are gorgeous. you know it's strange that i sort of love the season now, in a sense. like i have this thing where i negatively associate (or positively as well i guess...though not lately) things so something bad happened to me in this season, and i don't like it...that's how i feel about halloween anyway, but i still like autumn. and i like that it sounds more classy than fall. in my opinion anyway :P its a pretty season right? right. :)
so, a few things to share over the past...while. i wanted to at least include photos (of food anyway) and i have hardly taken any in the past few weeks. a few outfits, maybe a few i thought i'd at lleeeeeaaaaast give you something related to the actual blog.

today's outfit, f21 skinnies, a+f kids top/bodysuit thing, white gap cardi
(ps i don't put the brand names for any reason other than to say the type of
clothing, or where i got it...its not like they're exclusive or anything aha
but i'm not trying to say anything by it)

okay...i think i have separation anxiety to the extreme. as in, im way to old to miss my parents when they leave for a few days. i am used to living away from home and spent most of uni out on the other side of the country, and i've always gone to overnight camp and just spent parts of summers away, but i've also always always ALWAYS (in those situations for sure) had a really difficult time with homesickness. right now maybe its because i have other things going on...but like holy molayyy i start crying when im alone and its this awful feeling of like hopelessness and knowing that no matter how much you cry nothing will get better. and its this ache. like physical pain. i think i know part of the reason...if i was a bit nicer and didn't freak out about my issues and lash out at them, sort of when i get anxious and controlling and just upset and then sort of seem like im blaming them...maybe its the guilt of how mean i am right now, like if i'm nicer (i am a nice person i think and they know and i know that i don't meant that. also i always explain and for sure they don't take any of it i mean they get pissed off...and rightfully so)...but yea i think its time i just stop being so fucking selfish. honestly. and i say i can't help it, but i mean that in the moment the fear or whatever is stressing me just overrides anything else. but i never used to do it to this extent. i just feel like such a bitch. mega-bitch..i hope i haven't painted a lovely picture of jen the awful child, im not like that, honestly i believe i'm sincere and kind and caring on the whole but i also think that i just act so horribly in the moment, like when im upset about something, and i can't blame it on that. its not acceptable. so there..goal for me!!!!! BE KIND :D

goes with the whole idea of kindness right? :P hehee peace...or "Pink" but same thing, right???

i was planning on posting a bit later this week, but today i snapped a photo of breakfast so i ended up having one food pic, just one though...i've been reading all of your lovely posts lately and feeling guilty for not making one. i wish i had more to say. or at least more to say that sounds interesting enough to be published here. this is just nonsense stuff. thoughts, recordings, food...but nothing interesting. except negative stuff i guess which is not nice.

owl necklace, a bit hard to see though...

i was rather inspired by emily's latest post, i love letters and just writing things down, lists, but i never took any photo of that sort. i would love to do something like that but i wouldn't want to copy of anything. although i believe that, sometimes, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery...:P tehee

true religionsss the only pair, i got them a few years ago
and they were a bit big but on sale so i was like yeeee
steaaalll. i like their fabric :P

anyway, i do have quite a bit of stuff to do as far as work, then some organizing and such. i should get to that..

yesterday's outfit, in grade 3 or so my best friend
would wear tights with shorts in the winter,
just like people wear skirts, so i used to do it to.
bringing that style back in university oh yeaaa,
i feel like im eight. is that bad?

okay well short but sweet, ish. i hope you're all doing well and i'll continue to read your great posts. love you lots

Sunday, October 3, 2010


hey lovelies :):)

breakfast today was oat bran, and 1/2 banana cooked in with cinnamon and 3 apricots cut up, then almonds (forgot wheatgerm again ahh no) and some flax granola and shreddies, and coffee too.

this post was made a bit earlier, bits of it anyway and i haven't changed any dates so it might be a bit all over the place...kinda like meee : ahaa okay..

i saw "easy a" a few nights ago (a bit more than that) with my brother ( :) ) and ahh love love love. it was so good honestly in many different ways but i don't feel like trying to write about it in a coherent fashion so i will just not. but emma stone is like my new fav. i have a lot of favourites but she was like one of the best things in the film, she's so adorable! and just super funny and, okay i know it's just a movie and i don't know her in real life, but she seemed down-to-earth. like now i wanna be bff's with her :P and i think im seeing it again this upcoming week hopefully yeee

i've been getting really unhappy lately, especially when i'm alone. it's strange since i've been away and lived away from home for a while, but when i'm here, and my parents go away for a bit its crazy how depressed i am. just pretty much like crying a lot (pathetic i know) and everything that bothers me when they are there, i mean issues that i have, just intensify, its like i have no one to ask for reassurance, just being alone, etc. even going out doesn't stop it since i come back to the house to be alone. i do like spending time with myself but often it's not that good for me. my cat is here (loove) but she doesn't totally understand... :P ***i ended up going to my cottage with my brother for a day so i saw my family and wasn't completely alone, that was a week ago or something..i hope i can go again as i missed the hike they went on, i had a lot of work to do and just said i couldn't go then got all sad that i was alone. honestly i cause so much of my own distress. its a bit pathetic....

its officially fall. autumn. i never say that but it sounds much more classy eh? ahh im so canadian..but its a bit frigid and overcast and the leaves are changing. autumn in the city essentially :)

i just feel like wearing really odd ragamuffin stuff, but i just hate my legs. off topic perhaps and triggering and wrong but i wish i could wear tights and high socks and skirts, but it looks awful since i dont have like long lean legs or what not. i don't even have to have long ones, just thinner i guess. i hate that im saying this here, i mean ive never been an extreme thinspo addict but i since meeting people in this sort of recovering (and i mean that in the best sense) community i've felt guilty since i used to almost do the opposite, and talk to people dealing with issues while looking at triggering things, so im glad that i've met most of you because it just further reminds me the importance of just trying to be healthy and what not. i didn't say that right :( i don't know what i'm trying to say but it's not really what i just said. okay change of topic..

also, i like wearing skirts and dresses and such but when i go outside its ALWAYS windy dieee oh my god and honestly im so paranoid holding it down and i feel like everyone is looking at me. plus, sort of odd and i hope you don't all think im mental but my hands are in pretty rough shape just very dry and they hurt like i normally get rough hands when its cold, but they are very bad and i wash a lot...and the joints are starting to hurt which is bad bad bad. honestly im just messing myself up. but i know that people are staring at them. i don't know what happened to me but i feel like i look unstable or something. im really opening up on here aren't i :P i just feel like you won't judge. but this is the internet, perhaps i should be more cautious? but i do know who my few readers are so i don't think its an issue.

i sort of love the whole lace, tights mixed with more casual sweaters, cardigans and sweatshirts type of thing. but i don't have a top like that so i keep wanting to buy more things. f21 is pretty cheap and they have things like that, and their shipping is not ridic so i've been getting things from there quite a bit. not too much as i don't want to go broke or anything :P

note. this is a nighty (from victoria secret tehe) so i need to get an actual dress thang so i can wear it out :P

some breakfast photos...

i want my photos to look nicer, do you just keep them untouched, or have great lighting or do people use photoshop? mine never look that nice and i want to work on that. i really love photography now :)

i just told myself that i put down one tbsp of pb. totally not. but i ate it and just felt a bit guilty, only for a little bit :P

okay i must go, love you all and wish you the best