Monday, May 31, 2010


hey lovelies :) :) i hope you've had a good week. i normally don't wait a week to post but i was away for the past few days and meant to post then...but maybe this is better, doing it less often and then i have more to say and stuff.

breaky today was a mixture of instant regular oats and some almonds, banana, shreddies, wheat germ and a bit of a homemade banana-apricot-bran muffin, also cinnamon too.

i went for a short run before, it's getting pretty hot out :( i mean i like spring but this is a bit much, makes me feel like crap really, though if i'm by the water i guess it's okay. but in the city it gets pretty gross and so muggy and humid.

a bar i had last week, with candied ginger in it!
and some nuts and agave i think...

i spent a few days (friday to sunday) in another city, and took a train to see my friend. she goes to school slash lives there and another one of my friends does as well. i was really scared to go and just became weird about it before but i really loved being with them, fun :)

brought a lil stash with me, but just had one so i have a few left yeee :D i have not tried one of them before, and that's the pecan (i mean one out of this stash, there's a ton of larabars that i haven't yet had)...but i ate the banana one (yellow) and i still have the cherry and i think i've had it before maybe a few years ago, and that's one of the only luna's i've tried---cranberry something crunch?

on the last night we took like farrr to many photos which pretty much all ended up on facebook...but it was fun, honestly i was just being ridiculous and silly and everything with them and i've known them for a long time, elementary school and under i think.

i was scared for a few reasons, but that's another point. when i was there though i realised that i can't concentrate on too many things, its either selfish me thinking about control and food and everything, or just being around friends, and everything just seems forgotten like even remembering to eat or what not. i think i need the control, i need the planning, i just need to think about things. but being goofy and just doing whatever for a few days is also good for the soul. but i really wasn't too focused on my own self, unless i felt sick or something but usually im so in tune with my body and become involved and obsessive, so i guess it was good to be around other people constantly. but i also didn't have the usual routines, like we stayed up so late and i usually go to bed a bit earlier and read, and always have like water with me and these little rituals and im pretty much an old lady i get tired really early aha. but getting out of the routine was healthy i guess, but a bit scary too.

soooo...another week. shtufff to do, and i have a class today so i need to work on some homework/discussion/assignment things, and i have a few other things to get done as well. okay scary thing, my birthday is in one week today, and im going to be 21 which scares the holy mother out of me..i nearly bawled all day last year when i left my 'teen-years' and this is just too much aha. the year isn't huge because the drinking age is 19 here but it's still a big deal, i guess this is the age where adulthood begins or something??? i think i stopped getting excited about turning a year older after my sweet sixteen, sort of went downhill from here. i know that's a really depressing thought but i mean i guess it's good in a sense that i value being younger and i don't take it for granted, so i'll make sure to live my life and not go crazy and then flip out when i'm all of a sudden turning thirty.

i hope everyone is doing well, remember to drop a message or anything i'd just love to chat :) okay ill be back soon. love of love.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

sunday may 23

hey lovelies :) :) i hope you're weekends are going well. and for those who have a long weekend, happy may 24!!! i stayed home to focus on job stuff, but my parents are back today.

breakfast was unfortunately not captured as my camera was out of batteries, but i had some large flake oats with banana, and then some frozen raspberries, almonds and cold cereals (shreddies and apple-cinnamon cheerios) as well as wheatgerm and cinnamon on top :D

im supposed to meet a friend later on today, so hope that happens. and yea things are less than groovy at the moment (sad) but it doesn't really matter. i'll figure things out.

vintage cut-offs (etsy shop yeee) first they were really tight on the leg since i guess i need wider ones, then they stretched a bit. i hope they look okay, ahh but oh well i really like them

i'm actually baking cookies at the moment, no idea why...i used to bake more but now i try not to or i like to do it with someone else, but i just got this urge and they're pretty healthy ones :) i actually added frozen rasp. for some reason so the batter looks kinda gross...hope they look more appetizing after they're baked.

so...i really want to make money. aha. seriously i wish i could like start a mini business or something but i don't think that's possible, since it wouldn't be something i'd continue later on just short-term. i get these random dreams and then realise that i'm just not being realistic. but i do have a dream of acting and i know that i have to make it otherwise i will never be happy. honestly i just won't have a family or get married or anything until i reach that point. and something to do with film :) ohh my god okay i was talking with my parents about actors and randomly (he's not normally like this) my dad was saying how so many of them are "nuts" and i was like hmm yes please explain yourself, and i named off actresses that i admire being like are they nuts? and i said sandra bullock because i ADORE her and wow i nearly slapped him. no im joking but they were like yea she's crazy, because of her marriage thing and i flipped out like "it's not her FAULT the guy cheated on her"...made me so mad. i was just like you know what i will work with her one day and bring her over for dinner and you'll see how lovely she is. ehehe. i get these dreams of working with actors that i love and it would just be so cool to be in a film with them :)

i love this book so much :) and what's next to it of course

i tried milk in the oatmeal cooking process, just a bit and then water, because i heard it made it 'creamy' which for some reason didn't appeal to me, but it was okay!

love this tea


i don't have too many food photos since i didn't take too many of the last few days partly because my parents took their camera with them, and my old digital keeps using up the batteries in a second, then i re-charge them...then it repeats. but i thought i'd just put some of my favourite style/outfit/people below, lately i'm obsessed with emma roberts style, i just love it so much.

i really love the last one. i always find that i try to put things together and they look like shyte ahaha. anyway, i must get going and i hope everyone is doing alright. have a great end to the weekend.

i'll leave you with a drunk kitty

love you lots!!!!!

Monday, May 17, 2010


hey lovelies :) :) i hope your weekends were decent. or amazing. or whatever. i was at my cottage for a few days as i probably won't be up much if i work on weekends, not sure yet. i was going to post tomorrow morning but wasn't sure if i'd be able to fit it in at that point so we just drove back and i thought...whyy not :P

breaky today was red river, i made it for my parents aha they said it was good :)

im stopping by a place for potential work in a few minutes...worried but honestly this is soo ridiculous i've been home from school over a month and no job :(

anyway, the cottage was nice, it was actually really warm there, sunny mostly and not too windy.

im sort of thinking of selling things on a site, like older or vintage/homemade items...i don't have a ton but it's an idea i'm thinking over. i feel like it's a lot of work, well i'm sure it is! i don't mean a lot of things, maybe the etsy one :) do any of you sell items on there?

i made these aha i was going through my parents stuff and they were giving things away and i cut off my mom's old jeans, they look pretty tard-ish though eh??

my dad was snapping photos like a crazed photographer doing dishes :) ahaha and i stupidly left these at the raybans, they're actually my dad's old old old ones :D so i put them on when i was cleaning up after dinner and he decided to capture that moment.


ohh and i received a purchase (well i made one i mean) from my breakfast shop and i just wanted to show the wrapping because it's absolutely beautiful and lovely and amazing, totally put a smile on my face

i love the details and little additions, its very unique.

hmm so its weird, i get these memories associated with other places and points in my life (good or bad)... i guess that's common, sort of an association thing. often bad feelings associated with bad memories. but for my cottage, i don't know how to explain but this summer is starting to remind me a bit of one i had when i was 15, a bit to do with weight, and i feel sort of eager to do some of the things i did then, not all of it is negative/poor habits but sort of? but i feel like it won't be unhealthy. i hate that so much of my 'happiness' depends on certain things like weight, clothing, food, and some other things, but its more of a control thing really, and i've been out of control and i don't like that at all. so i feel like this time i'm in a better mindset, i know i won't do anything stupid, i know i won't get away with anything. but i just ugh sorry this makes no sense but i have these confusing thoughts. i guess i like having plans and if i'm unhappy then i think having a goal or plan or point to reach i feel motivated.

eee :) i can only do mirror photos :P

okay well i reaaaallly need to go to the store to meet employers and stuff ahhh seriously this is getting lame on my part. i hope you're all doing well. love you lots

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

little wednesday update

hey lovelies :) :)

breakfast today was a bowl of cold cereal, banana, dried cranberries, cinnamon, chopped almonds, wheatgerm...and some skim!

i went for a walk earlier to drop off my resume at a retail place, a coffee shop...and i kept missing the person i was meant to meet so i had to go early and it was so rainy outside. hopefully that goes somewhere :P :P

i hope everyone had a great weekend, and mothers day, and start to the week!

i made brunch for my mom (and family too) on sunday...some scones that i had made earlier and she also requested 'parfaits', so pretty glass things layered with granola, berries, yogurt...

and the scones were this recipe i sort of tweaked but otherwise found on this site, orange-oat-currant and i loved them, if i can say that aha!

the night before that we had made a cake for my brothers family birthday celebration...

it was good, but really rich. i didn't mind the icing but didn't eat much of the cake. the others seemed to enjoy it!

i've started a course this summer as i was going to have a heavy load in my final year. i've never taken any type of school in the summer really, except for this french overseas program but that doesn't count! its a history course, and i think i'll enjoy it :)

so...i've been just looking for work still, doing some studying, relaxing a bit, figuring things out. ahh i don't understand why i am having so much trouble with anxiety and control and everything. not just food of course, im not too bad with that. i just feel sick all the time and get anxious when that happened. i never used to be this bad. this will sound pathetic but honestly i feel happy certain moments but not for long, and i cannot remember what it felt like to be happy. i don't mean entirely carefree, as i always had things on my mind but i wasn't such a mess :( i wish i had close friends to talk to about this (like you loviiiies) aha but i've lost touch with many of them, and others live further away, and some live here but its like, catch up for a coffee for a few hours but i'm not going to spill all my issues onto them. i love my family and my parents are comforting, but i shouldn't be like this. i mean people my age are out doing things, not worrying so much. sldkflskdjflkj sorry i hate being like this on here but to be honest i have nothing else to say so i just write what comes to my mind, and my mind is usually selfishly absorbed in my own issues, so once i've covered some photos of cereal or whatever it leads to this.

i just don't know what to do. i feel lost, and stupid and scared and i hate that i am and i always say, okay its a new day and i'll be okay. but then thoughts creep back and i get so anxious and tense and physically not-so-great. and its this vicious cycle. i need to help others, then i wont think about myself. but the thing is, its not just a distraction that will save me because these are issues that need to be resolved you know? like not just left hidden. eww i sound really lame right now. okay...moving along! i don't think this blog is successful, i need to do something more here...not sure what though :(

the birthday outfit :) :)

but for real i wish some of you lived near me and we could be besties :D ahaha. i just made this comment a few days ago that i am so sick of mean people, and i just want to be around kind individuals because why would i want to feel like crap? there are so many awful people...or maybe they just like to act like awful people. but then you meet such wonderfully sincere and friendly people and its like...oh my god! its so refreshing. and i want to be a better person. i think i'm kind but i want to try to be even nicer, and judge less, and just be helpful and whatnot.

okay i apologize for this post, next time it will be better. love you all! byeee

Friday, May 7, 2010


hey lovelies :) :) how are you all doing?

i just wanted to get a post in since i wasn't sure if i'd be able to do one on sunday and then the weeks over :) so onto things...

todays breaky was a melange of cold cereal, with 1/2 bananamana, wheat germ,
few almonds, skim (after digging in i paused to add a bit more cinnamon, a few frozen bluebs,
a few dried cranberries...maybe some other things ehehe)

i woke up this morning and sort of dozed on and off till around 8. no one else was up, except my cat of course. turned on the coffee and realised that the dishwasher didn't go last night :( so i turned it on...went downstairs to (bad bad bad) watch a few minutes of tv before anyone got up, and before i poured myself any coffee.

im a nice person, i wait for the others first :P i also went for a walk with my parents before breakfast which was nice, i was so happy it cooled down and it was windy, but they were complaining that it was too cold. i have no idea what's wrong with me but i can't handle heat at the moment, so this was really lovely for me.

a postsecret image

tonight it's my brother's birthday celebration, and i baked a cake yesterday with my mom. just a mix. but still, super pretty :) and we bought chocolate cake with vanilla icing...yes that's a toughy to put together but my mom managed to ice it and the top still looks white! no cookies n creme look which is what would have happened had i iced the thing :P we still need to write messages on it so that will happen today. he's actually over at the moment because he has an important exam today but he'll be back tonight for the partayyy.

i actually haven't bought his present yet. ooops! ahh i need to do that today before he comes back. i feel like im so pathetically boring on here, i just never know what to write about. i guess i write about my life but it's not at all interesting at the moment. i know i don't have many readers but i'd love suggestions on what to put down here. i know it's my blog, but yea i just sort of don't know what direction to take.

i keep having different type of cereal, and hot and cold, etc but its no fun anymore. i need ideas :) oooo that's a good thing post a breakfast-themed bowl or something aha :P

everything just sort of looks the same here. oh well...

so it's mothers day tomorrow :) i love mothers. ahah. and mine too. i think my dad is taking part of the day to spend with his mother, and my mom's mother died a few years ago. i guess we'll spend some of day together as well. her sister's have been visiting my nana's (my mom's mom) graveside for the past few years and its close to where they live, far from us. but my mom mentioned that she might go and that i could come too. i've never really visited anyone's grave before. at her funeral only the siblings went to bury her so i've never seen it. i remember the ceremony being very sad. i do want to go but i'm not sure what to expect really.

random story..we rented avatar last night to use on a blu ray that was purchased upon moving into our new dad had a whole entertainment system installed and wanted the 'latest' thing :) but apparently you need to upgrade the system to play newer dvds, especially avatar i guess since the technology is recent. so yea we couldn't watch it aha oops. its so freaking long though! i think i'd just like to see it in theatres its still out i think, it did well money-wise.

okay well i'll talk to you all later, hope you have great weekends, see you soon

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

mid week post: :) :) :)

hey lovelies :) :) how are you all doing? ahh it's been so warm, but i wanted to make a post midweek and then another perhaps on the weekend. maybe not sunday as it's mothers day. my brother's birthday is may 12th so we often have joint celebrations. funny though for my mom to deliver on mother's day...what a great gift my brother was :P

i have lots of photos this time which is exciting. for me anyway. breaky today was oatbran...

- oatbran
- banana (1/2)
- almonds
- walnuts
- bit of home made muffin (i'll post recipe)
- cinnamon
- bit of skim

i was so set to make homemade larabars today but i don't know where our processor is so i need to find that first. i'm not sure it seems like way too much work aha. i mean like having to put the ingredients in there and wash each so lazy. i think i'll just buy them, but not too often because they're a bit expensive, well compared to boxes of bars from the store anyway. but im trying out newer flavours. so far i've had banana (FAVOURITEEE), cashew, apple, pb, pb+j, and i think i had the cherry one a year ago but im not positive. i am still searching for gingersnap and cinnamon roll which i can't find anywhere :( the health food store near me has a few that i'd like to try out, pecan pie...actually just that one aha the others are like lime and lemon and coconut something which doesn't totally appeal to me. they have banana of course which i've had a few times.

today i'm meeting a new counselor for the first time, i wont go into details but yea i hope it goes well, otherwise i'll go back to my old one because this woman is further away along the subway line (i hate taking the subway usually lol) whereas the other i can just walk in under 30 min...

photos from the weekend in the ravine near me
(with my dad's nice camera :P )

and i have a job screening thing tomorrow, i think its one of the procedures to pick people for this summer student job, i'm a bit scared its a mixture of tests and i need to brush up on some things. it would be cool as its not retail but something better :D

the muffin recipe :).............................

*from Anne Lindsay again, this book is called "Smart Cooking: Quick and Tasty Recipes for Healthy Living". i changed it a bit because i didn't have the proper ingredients but i'd recomment sticking as close to it so you get the mixture of yummy flavours. :)

Banana-Apricot Bran Muffins

- 1.5 cups natural bran (wheat-bran)
- 1 cup whole wheat flour
- 1 tsp baking powder
- 1 tsp baking soda
- 1/2 tsp salt
- 1/2 cup chopped dried apricots
- 1/3 cup veggie oil (or a substitute)
- 1/3 cup packed brown sugar
- 1 egg, slightly beaten
- 2 ripe bananas mashed
- 1 cup plain yogurt

*Combine bran, flour, baking powder and soda, salt, apricots and mix lightly
*In large mixing bowl, combine the oil, brown sugar, egg, bananas, and yogurt; mix well
*Add the dry ingredients to the wet until just combined
*Spoon into 12 muffin cups (paper-lined or nonstick) and bake at prepared 400F oven for 25-30 min or until firm to the touch.
*Remove and let them.

best. things. ever.

i finished my last of them on the weekend so i must get more :P this lovely girl got me hooked on them.

some random eats of the past few days...

natural yogurt with cinnamon and pure dark honey mmm

yummy stonemill bread ('with cranberries and pumpkin seeds)


im going to do some short yoga now, i need to do it more often as it helps me relax, have less general anxiety. anyone do yoga? i usually to the same 22 ish min hatha yoga (gentle hatha yoga number one :P) with jackie from love it :) i know meditation is also beneficial but i'm still trying to get the hang of it. its so weird how i find it hard to nothing really, calm my mind. sit still basically.


i hope everyone is well, talk to you later...

love you all