Tuesday, June 28, 2011

tired of it

hey lovelies :):)

eee how are you all???

this morning i had a bowl of cold cereal, i went for a little run beforehand and then got ready. but...it was a nice breakfast, a bit rushed (we had the ac put in in my apartment, with more complications but more on that later :/) because right now its breakfast :)

shredded wheat bites, crisp rice cereal, banana, almonds, non fat soymilk, ginger&cinnamon. quite simple, at least compared to other creations. but i liked it, yes i did :P although this does not belong to me, the photo captures my breakfast today quite swimmingly i think (however mine were the bite-sized shredded wheat).

well we've been trying to get the ac properly installed for a long time. this is at my place, but at my family home we have a regular ac of course, in the house and not like portable or anything :P but this place is a bit older maybe, and it belongs to my brother and moi. however, it's just "toooo darn hot!" and thus it is very much required. but getting our super to come in and getting ourselves organised and what not, well that was a challenge. then it like blew today and the power went off in part of our place, including the fridge. i was fliiiippppiinnnnggg. noooo i have to get rid of my food and cold things and freezer stuff. but it went back on. eventually. i was like cursing everything that might cause bad things to happen. i feel just really down lately, about quite a few things. and i know that your mindset is what determines a lot of your mood, outcomes, etc. but that sounds like a load of slkdjflskdjf at the moment because i feel like im dealt some poor cards you know? i realise im lucky in certain ways. but otherwise i feel like its one thing after another. and i'm not that great at just trying to be positive. that's one of my weak points therefore i just have been upset lately when everything seeming to go downhill.

i just recently saw part of 'the little rascals' on ytv. ahhhh caute....its been a little while since i saw it, but its a bit freaky, like little wee ones acting like adults almost. i mean they're so tiny!

one breakfast at home, apple-spice-sunflower oaties :P

(cooked in water with cinnamon&ginger, banana, and i added half a nature valley whole grain apple crunchy bar with a tbsp sunflower seeds, a bit of granola, skim). the lighting makes it look unappealing but it did taste good!!!!!

i made the brown rice cereal for the first time last week :) i had originally planned someone without the use of a pot, and then my brother talked me into it so i said, 'as long as you have some too'...i tried it out cooked in water w cinnamon&ginger, with a banana (not cooked in as i made some for him) and added a few almonds, maybe a tsp cashew butter, + sliced ginger, a bit of crisp rice cereal and non-fat soymilk :) i wish i had a photo, i've been taking them with my phone since my camera (my little one) is not functioning that well, well its sort of on and off (i use my dads when im at home)...anyway hm i cannot find the usb thing to upload them from my phone. but when i do, i shall post all the lovely (probably awful quality, partially my lack of skillzzz:P) yummy breaky pictures.

anddd...i have no hair left. goddd i haven't had it this short since i was like eleven. i guess its not too short but as it was way below my boob (well boobs i guess :P) before, im suffering like withdrawal. but i was like i might as well just do it. and i was the only one there with my hairdresser a later appointment so we just like talked a lot and decided what to do and tried things out. its at my shoulders which is sort of scary for me :/

this is such a pathetic tale, but i keep finding like bits of my original hair, like on my clothing. even if its washed i just used to shed so much. (that sounds awful). and it would be on all my clothing, just like random long threads of hair. but now i see them and im like ahhhh ;( tear...i used to do that with my cat, if i was away at school i'd find an evey-hair and never want to wash that item again :P thats a bit more legitimate than crying over my own hair. its not like ive always had the longest hair but i feel like its been long for a while. im sort of worried about people's reactions. lots of girls seem to want long hair, and i was determined to grow it the longest i'd even done. and i guess i did but then it just became a nightmare. it might look okay on some people but honestly its so difficult to manage, and often looks not so nice, and it was so long at points (or i thought) that it would be like flying all over the place and i wore it up or in braids or something all the time. and the split ends were crazy. it just doesn't seem clean, like i'll notice its hanging down to my hands when im trying to wash dishes and ugh just, it was not nice. but then i just feel so sad, now looking at people with long hair it just makes me upset ;(

okay clearly im not okay with this. i've written more and more and more about it, i just feel so awful and gross and unhappy. i know physical appearances are not the most importance but confidence is pretty significant. i just feel like i look like an ugly boy. okay its not that short. but like ugly man. i don't like the way i look and i felt like with my hair before, at least i liked something. and that part is gone. and it was a feminine thing and ugh i just feel so ugly. i wish i was pretty. wish i was thinner (that always seems to be the case no matter how low). wish i was smarter, etc. obviously always wishing for something. and i can't be happy with me at all. but honestly i don't think anyone else would be happy being me or looking like me, etc. and there's maybe little to be gained by whining about it. but i just feel like i want people to know that i know i don't look okay. so im not walking around thinking i look good. not the case. but i've always been unhappy with the way i look i think, but not too long ago i sort of felt okay. and now it's gone really.

and this was not meant to be a post about all of this negative stuff. maybe i should just write little posts, like spur of the moment, so i don't gather too many thoughts and try to say too much? i like to be scheduled though and sort of controlled and plan things. so i do that with my blog. it's good and bad i guess. but i feel anxious if i just open and write and post. but maybe i should try that in a bit. i think im going to my cottage for the canada day weekend and i want to take photos, so i hope the next one can be more focused on that. but maybe i'll try to do just small spontaneous posts or something, every now and then? ahhh i don't know. fail fail fail. oh well, it's just a blog i guess :P
no but i do value it much more than that.

i want to try to end this on a nice note. i hope i haven't just scared anyone away, i didn't have many people reading so i might regret this. this is probably the first time i went back and took things away, i normally just write things and then eventually publish without double/triple checking...sooooo...i want to try new ideas for breakfast, although i do like my old favourites. however, what is your absolute favourite creation for breaky, be it a recipe, brand, just mixture of things? i would love to know. and perhaps i can try it out! either way i would really love to hear from you. xoxox

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

in with the new :)

♥hey lovelies :):)
how have you all been lately??? i hope you had a nice weekend, and were able to get outside a bit :) summer is here, officially, which seems crazy. i feel like it was winter not too long ago.
this morning's breakfast was a mixture of oats and cereal :) i went for a run, and enjoyed this later on, with black coffee, and some reading afterward.

plain oats, with banana, cinnamon&ginger, almonds, sunflower seeds, multigrain squares and granola, plus non-fat soymilk. there were more multigrain squares as well :P

until yesterday i was up north at my cottage for just a short time, but it was nice :)

itty bitty fresh ontario strawberries

on monday evening i saw my very good friend, she lives there normally (apart from when at uni) and we've known each other since like age 5 i think. library club meetings :P and i used to live in a small town there. her parents are close friends with mine, so our families have been getting together but not lately at all. honestly i don't know how long its been :/ so it was sort of a bit, not like scary but just new, having people for dinner, not my own family so i couldn't just be 'me' with regards to like all the stuff that i like to control.

we had salmon and, instead of brown rice, mashed potatoes, which sounded odd but apparently they pair well together in restaurants? i just had mine plain before my mom added milk and butter. but wait it's not for ed reasons, maybe a tad but i also have a messed up stomach, and that contributes to a great deal of my food fears and intolerances and what not. oh and zucchini :) love love love. i made the dessert with my mom that day, from a gorgeous photograph cookbook my mom owns, it was an apple oat square type thing. it was a bit buttery, like shortbread on the bottom and not a ton of apples. i had hoped it would be similar to this apple/fruit square they sold at starbucks a while ago on their 'under 3 gfat', which is much less sweet, i don't think it has butter and more fruit. but...this was fine, and honestly if we had served something like what i had preferred i don't think it would have been a hit :P it was with ice cream, but i haven't had much of that in a while. i put a tiny bit so my plate didn't look too odd but i've had issues having dairy at times. and if not having a bunch (to please others) will possibly reduce some physical symptoms then i will go that way, because i don't want to get ill because i want to please others or something. but the small bit i had was nice, natural vanilla bean :)

i was able to take breakfast photos though, which was nice :)

the first morning i woke up later than usual which was nice, i had not slept pretty much at all the night before :/ i had asked my mom, if she got up earlier, to not turn on the coffee until 8:30 and i didn't think she'd actually do this but aparantly, in order to have her coffee asap she actually had instant for her first mug. and the stuff we have is not nice at all. i was so surprised she did that! but i wanted to run first so by the time i showered and ate and had coffee it was a bit old. but still yummy :)

i started off with a nice cold cereal mix, a very ripe banana though! with multigrain squares, honey-nut o's, almonds, skim milk...

the next morning, we left essentially after breakfast. but i made oatmeal for us, and tried some of the square/bar from last night while at the stovetop :P

banana walnut oats (banana-bread) :)

has anyone ever had rice hot cereal, or brown rice, creamy rice cereal? i have bob's red mill 'brown rice farina' and its been in my cupboard unopened for at least a few months...and i really want to make it. it says 2012 for the sell by, so would that be fine if its unopened? anywho i just am scared to try it, i've had brown rice of course, and as a hot cereal it sounds a bit like cream of wheat. but i don't quite know :P

anyway... that's really all :) oh and i just baked some oatmeal-marmalade (though i put some with rasp-jam and others with...ohhh i just realised i wanted to put sunflower seeds and i totally forgot...gahhh fail :/)...anyway, they were made with wwflour, oats, soy milk, spices and a few other things :P some with raisins and others with a tiny bit of jam (raspberry or apricot) in the middle. not too sweet but i like that. i don't like baking much at my place as i have to wash everything by hand, and theres a dishwasher at my family place so that's nice :P and i don't have too many ingredients there. but i must use the spelt flour. and my frozen nanners.

xoxoxox love jen

Thursday, June 16, 2011

june the sixteenth

hey lovelies :):)

breakfast today, after an early little run---which was nice actually :)---was ginger, banana, almond oats :)

plain oat package with 1/2 banana, ginger&cinnamon, almonds, wheat squares (multigrain not shredded wheat), granola + skim.

i've been a bit busy with doctor things and work and what not, not too crazy though :) im sort of antsy for the end of my uni, beginning of career, etc. but at the same time really scared. because i know i have to move forward and make choices and be brave. and that's a bit daunting :P but it's supposed to be i think. this post doesn't have too many photos, especially food ones but i will try better next time.

i had 'proper' sandwich, meaning something like i used to, with bread, a spread (i used dijon), and veggies/meat. i had sliced cucumber on whole grain spelt with this natural 'cured' smoked ham, which i haven't had in a while. i typically, if having meat, would eat turkey or chicken (white) and often not as a sandwich. the dijon was the one with the grains or mustard seeds, which i prefer :) my mom has used it with a salmon recipe a few times, it's called maple glazed salmon, with the grain dijon, pure (canadian) maple syrup, and something else just lightly brushed on before baking. its quite nice! i wish i had a photo of the sandwich ;(

i was thinking a bit about how much time i spend thinking...like about various food/eating/etc thoughts, myself, fears...it takes up so much time. and, although often i don't like not thinking about it, sometimes when i see that i've spent time doing something else it's really refreshing. im just so self-absorbed. i used that term instead of selfish because i don't consciously want to be selfish, and i do think of others. but i dwell on my own issues and much of my though compilations are about things to do with me. its essentially constant.

i have something exciting/embarrassing perhaps (but i have no shame really), i was so happy when an old neighbour (in our apartment from a few years ago) left a message saying there was a note addressed to me from a "talent agency in California...Osbrink" and i was like eee Dakota...you see, i sent her a letter like three years ago, i don't even care aha i love her. but it was possibly longer and i never thought i'd get a reply as i did not include a poster/photo of her to sign, or a return stamp, typically the guidelinds for 'fanmail' (i dont like that word) but it was still a note from her :) i actually received something, handwritten as well.

one of my aunts (my mom's sister) is quite ill at the moment, well she's been ill for a while, as of a year or so ago when she was diagnosed with a few things (cancer, and then more complications)...i don't want to mention much but it seems as though now, there's nothing to do really. it's reallly sad. she was on various treatments and it seems all in all, they caused many issues, again i won't go into detail but, it was really awful. and still she was fighting, but essentially there is "nothing to do" as the tumours are growing and just taking over other aspects of her body and the chemo, oral drug, surgery and everything else...well they cannot do any more. i feel really horrible, for my mom as well. i know it puts things into perspective, and the fact that i can be so unhappy with things that, although they mean a lot to me, they are rather trivial in terms of overall physical health, like i don't have cancer or a serious disease. i'm not going to say that i feel guilty per say, because in my opinion it's relative. before she was ill with all of this she still had weight concerns for example, wanting to lose, and had things bothering her that might seem insignificant now in comparison with what she is facing. i mean i do feel stupid, stupid when i can't be happy with what i have and what i am right now, but, ugh i don't know i mean its like it takes something like that to make you realise that life is extremely precious. you don't understand it until you've gone through it. not simply seeing someone endure it, but be the actual person, like my aunt. so i don't fully understand. it hurts so much and it seems so unfair, and just wrong. but it just scares me so much, to know that something is wrong with you and at this point nothing can be done...i don't see why this has to happen to people.

i don't like to be a 'downer' but i guess im sort of honest on here. there are good things in life, and there are challenges. but certain aspects of the world just bother me so much. first of all, i get upset with myself when, realistically, i might be able to change things, whereas some people (like my aunt) can't...and then i just don't understand why something like that can happen to someone, and it does happen all the time. and yet i still think about my own issues and for bits of the day sort of, forget...what's going on? then i just feel disgusted with myself, really selfish and what not. however...i think i need to just stop complaining and start actually trying to change things. maybe i'll be happier, and appreciate life more, and just begin to help others more? i realise that's a given, so i might sound a bit self-absorbed. but i know that i can change :) and after reading this lovie's post, i realise that it is possible to change so much if you just believe that it's possible.

that's all really, love love love :) xox

Saturday, June 11, 2011


hey lovelies :):)

today for breakfast i had some cold cereal :)

i thought this was a cute photo :)

i didn't have shredded wheat though, i'm branching out! ...or, er i finished it up a few days ago :P my organic multigrain squares mmm were back, along with some almonds, a bit of a banana, 1/2 date or so and crisp rice, along with cinnamon, ginger, and skim milk.

i've been trying to make myself feel more motivated, happier, etc. but i sort of dwell on negative issues and i'm finding that i'm triggered a lot more. but its like i seek it out. and i want to just dive in and, i guess ugh i know its so dumb to say it but go back to certain habits, its like something is pulling me and for some odd scary reason i feel drawn to doing stuff like that and restricting which i haven't done in a long time. apart from sometimes not eating much, i don't even count everything now. but when i tallied up randomly to get a rough idea i was surprised it wasn't that low at all. im sorry if this is triggering, it doesn't even make sense at all. but im not that happy with what i'm looking like now...i guess i never am, i like it more than when i weighed more i guess. but not as much as when i weighed less. i just want to feel accomplished and i feel like im just not doing well in anything these days. obviously not eating isn't an accomplishment. i don't mean that...i don't even know what i mean :/ i guess i don't share much on my eating issues, and i know that's part of this blog. but i rarely see it these days on blogs, and i'm glad i don't because i guess as it means people are doing better perhaps :) so i feel awkward jumping in with this, as im not sure what im asking for here. wow what i waste of space jen. anyway on to better things:

'friday's breakfast of cinnamon raisin spice oatmeal'

oats (mixture of plain and a bit of an organic raisin-spice, 1/3 banana, tbsp raisins, cinnamon&ginger, touch of squares+granola, almonds, fat free soymilk)


now there's a story with these oats. not that interesting. you see i don't like using anything sweetened usually and not just for like ed reasons...i find it sweet, so i like plain oats sweetened with banana sometimes or rarely with dried fruit. but i just had 1/3 unripe banana so i added a bit of an organic (which made me feel better but whatever :P) nice oat package, raisin and cinnamon. i used about 1/2, and not much of the sweet part, and it contained one raisin :P so i added a small tbsp, but then a prune instead. i thought it would be lower sugar ughh i dunno but also prunes are nice :) anyway, that's the story. so i sort of used something different, but attempted to compensate a little bit. im happy i used very little cereal on top, i have this idea that i HAVE to put dry cereal, only oatmeal won't be good :P well this was good.

my dad sort of got my brother and me into this thing called 'toastmasters' to help with our presentation skills, for jobs, interviews, careers...daily life and what not. i was so scared to go. its a large group of people all ages, but its quite scheduled and you have to go up and speak in front of them. i missed the first meeting and my brother went with his girlfriend, and then my dad came. they had to pick a recent novel they had enjoyed/or not, and speak about it for a few minutes. but this new meeting was on a different subject, so i couldn't 'prepare' even if i wanted to :( the theme was childhood memories, so apropos right? :P just what i've been thinking about. and i always think back to my childhood.

i have a procedure thing next week, its not considered serious but im so scared for it. it has to do with my stomach, i don't want to put details on here as its not so nice and its public and ugh i just don't want to think about it :P its one of those "rule-out" type things but still...i was meant to get it in 2008 :o ooopsies. first of all i canceled as i was sort of ill. then somehow the date i was supposed to get it completed on, it was a misunderstanding. and then i had an exam. so they were pretty fed up with me and i finally reached them again and scheduled this a few months ago but had to wait a bit. i have to do this. but im so terrified :/ i don't like stomach messed up things :( i hope i'll be okay, and by okay i mean like. it won't be an awful experience, i don't want to get ill, or be in a lot of pain or something...and be fine afterward. not likely though. i'll post a bit later next week hopefully :) and until then, i hope you're all having fun, eating yummy foods, just enjoy everything okay?


Wednesday, June 8, 2011

a day just for me

hey lovelies :):)

this morning i went for a short run early before it became too hot. its supposed to reach above 30 celcius, factor in the UV+humidity and its going to feel like forty something :/

breakfast: i had a mixture of plain oats with almonds, granola + multigrain squares on top, with fat free soy milk, cinnamon and ginger


so i thought that, since it was my birthday (yesterday), i could try my favourite things, make it a 'jen' day...

old fashion oats in water, cinnamon&ginger, nanner, topped with ginger-slice, almonds, a 'graham' cracker (tasted like vanilla just stuck in there like a candle!!!!!) + 1/2 a date or so, with a few organic multigrain squares + crisp rice, skim milk to cool it down...coffee before hand

lunch was pb+nanner on whole grain artisan raisin bread, cinnamon, nanner (ripe banana, a bit too much, i don't want to be negative but ehhh sort of gross ripe, thus i just used a small amount), pb+co operation smooth, carrots, c-cheese + unsweetened applesauce

blueberry bliss lunabar (first time trying, only one i have as its not sold hereand its from the time earlier year when my parents were in new orleans :P)

there, a sample day...i haven't done that before though i don't have the photos, i did have more than this all day but i just wanted to show some aspects related to my theme :)

hmm skdjlfkj...okay...so, my family birthday was pretty good, although there were a few issues, arguments and just, well tears because im really pathetic. and it wasn't even about the food. a few family issues, some of my own. and my day just kept going wrong. from the moment i woke up. i had slight bursts of that 'special' feeling on your birthday...i wanted to be positive. and now, the day after i just fee sad. depressed sort of. and that's typical, i felt that as a kid when my birthday was over. but i just feel regrets. regretting not changing my attitude in the day, as that may have altered the results? i regret not trying to fix things between my family members. i regret not being able to do what i wanted, and feel what i wanted to feel, and just have a nice day...it didn't really happen. i hate ending on that note. there were good aspects but i just want to start over again ;( and it hurts that i can't do that for another year. i know that sounds so dramatic, and i guess it is. but this birthday symbolised something else, and i sort of blew it. the evening was far from perfect. and im upset because my parents were helpful and my mom had prepared and purchased nice foods for me. and baked a cake :)

the menu i planned was free-range (my mom bought this, which was nice) skinless/boneless chicken with some yogurt, breadcrumb and spice on top. w-grain quinoa 'salad' which i made (added cucumbers, craisins, sunflower seeds) along with baked sweet potato with lots of cinnamon. i added that to mine afterward :P and my mom had baked the cake, from a mix as requested, vanilla with vanilla icing :) and she ended up sub-ing most the oil for applesauce :) either way its still cake. and it has icing. but the nice icing i like, yet still...icing. i had a smallish piece and then some icing, and it was good.

ive been thinking about the past sort of :/ i do that a bit, sort of dreamer-like. but specifically, i used to be so so so excited for my birthday. but nervous too, and when it arrived, it was sort of like christmas, this crazy thing that you don't think will get here. and there's this special feeling when it does? i would always been happy around that time. i'd be outside, and the weather didn't bother me. and this is the first time i woke up outside my own house, on my birthday. because throughout uni i was always finshed by june...and in boarding school i came home the night before and woke up to my parents, and when i was younger i was always at home on my birthday. hmm i just looked back at posts from a year ago, and they're sort of depressing. my mood and posts and attitude, it just sucks. but what makes me even more upset is that i know things got worse. its like im looking at myself then, a girl who wasn't happy, hoping things would be better. then they weren't. i also feel like its such a waste, i just wasted a whole year or more. and maybe i think too much, dwell on certain things, plan too much and then it's ruined? i'm not quite sure. its like everyone i know is succeeding and getting a head and my life is passing me by, failures...and i didn't used to be like this. honestly, its not like i did amazingly well in every single aspect of my life but i actually succeeded quite a bit in sports, school, and just with friendships :) i try to use my old self as motivation as opposed to someone else, or this dream in my head. i use that as well, but it seems more obtainable when it's an "old" version of me, because its still me right? and im making any sense?!?

i've been having similar desserts lately

i tried the cashew butter i purchased at a local hf store like...maybe 5 or more weeks ago. i love cashew
s but rarely eat them. i started choosing other nuts to have more regularly (like my almonds) as they seemed to carry more 'good' nutrients for their fat/calorie content. stupid though as cashews aren't like bad for you right? well everything in moderation. but yea i guess i woudln't want to make them a staple. plus they're a bit more expensive. anyway it tasted sort of odd...is it supposed to be super sweet? i guess i forgot the nut was sweet tasting, im not sure i like it but i want to keep trying it, maybe in smaller amounts? it was like white chocolate or something aha...perhaps it went bad, but i had not opened it yet and its bbf next april. :/ it was also dark looking, almost a red hue in there...and lots of oil on top which was dark...it said it had roasted cashews and just sunflower oil.

i bought a few things online from forever21, and this was a romper but pjs...yet its silky-blouse material...and im sort of tempted to bust it out as actual outdoor clothing, like with high-waisted shorts or a skirt...or just a cardigan. ehh might be a bit "slutay", but perhaps it could work??

i don't want to make this just negative, or seem ungrateful. i am grateful for my family, and kind people :) i opened my gifts before the evening became too. well wrong i guess. and i loved everything, plus one special surprise from someone. it was odd, i opened it and felt so much appreciation and was just so happy, and immediately after that something happened. and its odd how you can feel happiness one second and then like complete fear/anxiety/terror the next. ahh emotions are sort of crazy :P

that's all for now, love you xox

Sunday, June 5, 2011

give me some peace please

hey lovelies :):)

today's breakfast looked similar to the photo above from earlier this year, i had scottish oats with ginger&cinnamon and banana, almonds, multigrain organic squares...a few other things :)

how is everyone doing? spring has arrived. we had some pretty hot weather for a while and then, luckily, a cold front came. and i could do a morning run! :D but i think its supposed to get hot again, i mean it is june so i guess it's expected :/ why is this such an issue for me?!? gah. you know, i used to love this month. primarily because it was my birthday...but it was maybe since i lived a bit further north, it seemed cooler, sort of the end of winter, you could go outside without a jacket, out of the city it smelled lovely...and i was so happy, i guess school was ending. now it doesn't bring the same joy. but things can change i guess.

it might not seem like it, but i have been trying to 'branch out' in both eating and other things. i used to have salmon more often, and i had some the other night with my family :) along with brown rice and nice itty bitty baby carrots :P i had another lunabar yesterday afternoon for my pm snack, the last of my iced cinnamon raisin. i just want to call it cinnamon-raisin, the iced part sounds a bit icky to me. but i just had two in total, and now i can't get anymore until i go to the states...orrrr they bring them here. or maybe i just can't find them? is anyone in canada, and have you found that luna? it's trè
s yum.

i had fresh berries (raspberries and blackberries) for the first time in awhile, maybe just since last summer :P, a little while ago. along with a touch of dark honey, kashi go lean, cinnamon and natural 0% yogurt :) it sort of resembled this photo from simply*breakfast, although i don't believe i had almonds but those look divine :) and of course the berries in replace of blooob&strawberries

so my birthday is sort of soon. like 2-3 days...on tuesday. i will go home i think and have a family thing, well not a big birthday just a small celebration. i remember when i was younger i'd have a family one on the day usually and then a party on the closest weekend so i could have a sleepover. and i'd get a store bought cake for the family thing, and my mom would make one for my party. but i would always want a mixed one. something lighter and usually vanilla with an icing. the creamy type not the whipped butter like stuff at those stereotypical like bowling, or office/work parties, the rectangle things. and now i just ask my mom to make it always, from the mix not scratch and not bought either :P i dont know how long that will go on for, i guess it could be the last year soon. well maybe not i mean i will keep seeing them around my birthday for a while, even when i get a bit older. but i want a vanilla type flavour with vanilla icing. or the vanilla with like confetti things in it...i think its betty crocker. but i will see if she can sub oil, or part of it for apple sauce. but we will leave the eggs since that's important i think. hmm i hope it goes well. i want to help though, as i made a menu thing to have what i wanted, but i'd like to help prepare if i can :)

"banana-pb-spice oats":

quick oats cooked in water with banana, cinnamon&ginger (or my 'salt + pepper'), with granola and a bit of pb+co smooth operator.

i have these bananas to use up, and after seeing that i had the same flour as emily i thought, it must be a sign. and i must bake something. originally i was going to do a simple vegan banana bread, just because i don't have many ingredients and it was essentially bananas, flour, eh something else. but i might just alter the one on the back of bob to make a loaf/bread and add bananas in there. i don't know, i'll probably just switch a bunch of things and then it will be awful :P

i tried the cinnamon roll larabar, another that we don't have here but my parents got when they were in new orleans. i liked it. at first i thought it didn't taste like it's title...more like the apple with the absense of apple flavour. however near the end, possibly because of the cashews, i could taste the similar "dough" flavour of a cinnamon roll :)

i have been trying to do more yoga, it's something i used to rarely do, thought it was boring or just left it to someone else, as any activity i let myself do had to be cardio and yoga, to me at the time, was just like strething. but yes i was too too too wrong indeed. anywho i have really awful anxiety, and often yoga (esp this hatha yoga..) is just very calming. plus im so tight and not flexible. and i found the yoga download a while ago (i think i got the link from katheats) and introduced my mom to it, who does the same track. she calls it a drug :P i did it with her when we had our 'day' and it was nice. i don't have much space at my place and its hard to discipline esp if i have other things, but i must do it fullly once a week, then at my family house and just work from there. often i find myself simply playing the track its just 22 min or something, and it sounds really calming and i just like it.

until next time ;) xox