eee how are you all???
i made the brown rice cereal for the first time last week :) i had originally planned someone without the use of a pot, and then my brother talked me into it so i said, 'as long as you have some too'...i tried it out cooked in water w cinnamon&ginger, with a banana (not cooked in as i made some for him) and added a few almonds, maybe a tsp cashew butter, + sliced ginger, a bit of crisp rice cereal and non-fat soymilk :) i wish i had a photo, i've been taking them with my phone since my camera (my little one) is not functioning that well, well its sort of on and off (i use my dads when im at home)...anyway hm i cannot find the usb thing to upload them from my phone. but when i do, i shall post all the lovely (probably awful quality, partially my lack of skillzzz:P) yummy breaky pictures.
okay clearly im not okay with this. i've written more and more and more about it, i just feel so awful and gross and unhappy. i know physical appearances are not the most importance but confidence is pretty significant. i just feel like i look like an ugly boy. okay its not that short. but like ugly man. i don't like the way i look and i felt like with my hair before, at least i liked something. and that part is gone. and it was a feminine thing and ugh i just feel so ugly. i wish i was pretty. wish i was thinner (that always seems to be the case no matter how low). wish i was smarter, etc. obviously always wishing for something. and i can't be happy with me at all. but honestly i don't think anyone else would be happy being me or looking like me, etc. and there's maybe little to be gained by whining about it. but i just feel like i want people to know that i know i don't look okay. so im not walking around thinking i look good. not the case. but i've always been unhappy with the way i look i think, but not too long ago i sort of felt okay. and now it's gone really.
and this was not meant to be a post about all of this negative stuff. maybe i should just write little posts, like spur of the moment, so i don't gather too many thoughts and try to say too much? i like to be scheduled though and sort of controlled and plan things. so i do that with my blog. it's good and bad i guess. but i feel anxious if i just open and write and post. but maybe i should try that in a bit. i think im going to my cottage for the canada day weekend and i want to take photos, so i hope the next one can be more focused on that. but maybe i'll try to do just small spontaneous posts or something, every now and then? ahhh i don't know. fail fail fail. oh well, it's just a blog i guess :P no but i do value it much more than that.