Saturday, September 5, 2015

almost autumn :)

hello :)

i realise i haven't posted anything in a long, long, long, time...and therefore anyone who read this likely doesn't anymore. but i felt like writing a little bit and though i'd just put it down here. maybe it will help, who knows? now that i'm here, though, i don't really know what to say.

                  this is old but i had a similar breakfast today (oats insead of cream of wheat, and topped with a banana crunch nakd bar and toasted wheat germ instead of the strawberry crunch and hemp hearts...)

i work this afternoon at the library, and plan to go up north to my cottage for just a day and a bit tomorrow; it may be almost my last time...and possibly last season if my parents sell it before next year ;( i hope they don't. i haven't been up much partially because of my own schedule and it's a huge connection to my childhood, so it would be odd without it.

this is back from 2010, but it's the same :)

anyway, i've been really anxious (more than usual i guess) at work as they've put me on the circulation desk when i'm trained as a page, and i have very little experience there...but they do that when they're short-staffed and i was there for the majority of my shift wednesday and it was so awful aha i was just trying to do what i could. the only positive thing i guess is that when i complete any tasks/duties that are at the level of a higher position i get paid at that rate which is like double mine, so i guess that's a plus... ;)

honestly, is anyone there? i mean even if you're not blogging, and you've moved on, i'd love to connect with some people as well. i'm not doing well in the slightest but i wouldn't drag you down with me (mentally--in terms of eds--i'm sort of okay, just not physically...and anxiety-wise obviously i'm not at a good place) but otherwise i'd love to talk to some people :) i miss you. whoever you are. i don't really mind that i spend time looking at the past because i need some sort of motivation and hope and the future doesn't seem so bright, and looking ahead isn't working well at the moment. partly because i'm likely going somewhere hellish and i have little to no choice about it anymore because it's just been too long and i've had too many 'chances' apparently. but that's pooopy talk and i don't want to write about it.

but i don't know what to say, so i'll keep this short. oh! i'm reading "up and down" by terry fallis (he lives in toronto!!!) at the moment, as i'm in a book club in the year (funny me, actually it's part of a local church which i've never belonged to/been to for actual church and everyone else in the group is over seventy yet they accepted me nonetheless) ...and the group starts again in a couple of weeks after being off for the spring/summer so i need to hurry up. it takes me so much longer to get through books now which is sad, and my concentration/motivation isn't there. i love reading though ... :( idk what's wrong.

hope you are well (whoever is reading) and i will touch base again soon. 

xox lots and lots and lots of love,