Monday, July 25, 2011

don't sweat the small stuff

hey lovelies :):)

today i had my first pear oats i believe :) yum, the pear didn't seem that ripe to touch, but it was flavourful and juicy and lovely when i tried it...gave the other half to my brother :P

"ginger pear oats"

this is not my photo of course, its on flickr, yet i thought it depicted mine fairly well

mixture of old fashion & scottish oatmeal in water, with cinnamon, ginger, blanched almonds, 1/2 bosc pear & 1/2 ginger slice

i am having so much trouble focusing on things, especially notes/work which is important. and i get so distracted, but i realise its my fault. and then i feel guilty because im not working as hard as i should. when i actually accomplish something it's such a wonderful feeling, difficult to explain, sort of a mood that i feel. and i have not yet felt that in a while. but i guess if i keep doing little things, moving forward slightly, and try to stay somewhat positive, i think i might be okay.

i found this linked on emily's blog a little while ago so i thought it would be useful in describing certain things about me...

A: is for Apple, what’s your favorite variety?… golden delicious, or ida red i think its called? crunchy ones anyway, or applesauce (unsweetened)

B: is for bread... stonemill (brand) either the spelt one, or sasha bread company spelt (expensive though ugh) or just stonemill ‘grains+honey’, so i guess whole grain varieties, with some sort of nut/seed

C: is for Cereal what is your favorite kind currently (just one!)…oh this is not fair! you mean cold, right? i guess a multigrain or wheat 'square' type, especially this organic wheat square from a local store, its a mixture of corn, wheat + oat flour base i think but its not too sweet and i love it; or spoon size shredded wheat, then add banana. i also like muesli (flakes) added in sometimes...

D: is for Doughnuts, you might not currently be eating them but what kind do you fancy? i dont eat them, or havent in so long. but when i did i believe i had apple fritter, nothing like 'filled' or anything, and when i was little i'd always get the one with sprinkles, vanilla icing too :P not the chocolate

E: is for Eggs, how would you like yours prepared?… hard boiled + cold. w coarse ground pepper

F: is for Fat Free, what is your favorite fat free product? hmm natural plain yogurt i think. + skim

G: is for Groceries, where do you purchase your at?… sobeys or ziggies (lawblaws)

H: is for Hot Beverages, what is your favorite hot drink?… coffee (black) for morning! but i love herbal tea esp later on, peppermint :)

I: is for Ice Cream, pick a favorite flavor and add a fun topping…hm. i cant really have ice cream but i have vanilla soy ice cream or frozen yog often; i remember ordering the peanut butter chocolate ice cream cone at this place 'the nutty chocolatiere' in a small town i grew up in and a 'kiddie cone' you'd get like smarties + two chocolate discs on top to make a mickey mouse

J: is for Jams or Jellies, do you eat them, and if so what kind and flavor?…jam. apricot or raspberry or strawberry, esp the organic ones :P idk like i feel its more natural. we dont really have jelly in canada i dont think and the thought sort of grosses me out :P idk like spreadable jello?

K: is for Kashi, name your favorite Kashi product?…the organic cinnamon wheat square things :)

L: is for Lunch, what was yours today?… im not sure when this is posting, but from this point/day, i had...whole grain spelt (mix of sourdough, ww, wwspelt) bread, one with a bit of cashew nut butter and the other a smidgen of organic creamy honey, unsweetened applesauce, baby carrots and a bit of skim cottage cheese...cinnamon (sprinkled on the applesauce and honey) & ginger (on the carrots and cashew butter); cold peppermint tea mug on the side (i had made it earlier and thus it cooled down :P)

M: is for Milk, what kind do you like (flavor, source, etc)?… skim (cows) or non-fat soy milk

N: is for Nuts, what kind are your favorite?… almonds. natural, and peanut for a nut butter

O: is for Onions, do you eat them?…cooked i guess often in a stir fry so its like caramelized?

P: is for Protein, what is your favorite source?…hm well on my own i guess yogurt or cottage cheese as i dont often cook meat, but chicken (skinless + boneless) otherwise, baked in the oven w like a touch of yogurt, breadcrumb + thyme to keep it sort of moist (for my family as i honestly like it dried out)

Q: is for Quiche, what 4 ingredients would you like in yours?… idk i have had it like once? im not sure how they come....

R: is for Restaurant, what’s the name of your favorite and what type of cuisine does it serve?…i dont go out often at all ;( but italian was often my favourite, like thin crust pizzas (marguerita is just tomato sauce + basil) with a nice greens/house salad) fornello or spigas (places near me, i used to go more often with my family)

S: is for Spices, name 4 that are in your kitchen right now that you have used in the past 5 days?… cinnamon, ginger, coarse-ground pepper...i have fennel seed + rosemary but its been a little while...

T: is for Trick or Treating, what 5 candies does your bag contain?…reeses peanut butter cups, hmm i just remember liking those. any type of gum, i remember being really excited when people would give out legit size chocolate bars...ahh um this is like when i was young, at the moment i wouldnt want trick or treat things...i guess skittles + smarties?

U: is for Universal, what is your favorite type of cuisine from around the world?… im not very good with this + dont branch out much...i guess italian for good thin crust pizza, honestly thats all...maybe greek for some things, + mediterranean but my stomach is always really messed up :/

V: is for Vitamins, do you take them, and if so, what kinds?… vit C, multi V + probiotics (udo's)

W: is for Water, do you drink bottled, spring, tap, sparkling, etc?… tap, and a lot :)

X: is for Xtra special, what food holds a special place in your heart?… hmm well cereal because i love it...but gelato (i havent had it for a looong time) reminds me of when i was with friends in milano italy :) and eating it with my family at this amazing place in my city...and just like certain food at my cottage reminds me of childhood there, corn on the cob when its in season...etc.

Y: is for Yogurt, you can only afford 1 cup, what kind do you purchase? frozen yogurt. (i agree emily)

Z: is for Zero guilt, what food can you enjoy over and over without any guilt? mmm bananas maybe...unless i have a million...water :P if its not too much...just breakfast (in general....) most of the time


that's really all there is to know about me...:P baha im joking. that's surfacy things, i thought i'd post today as im likely going somewhere later in the week so i wouldn't do anything here until perhaps next week, then i have exams. it's sort of cooled down. i was awake for a while because of some storm activity earlier this morning, but honeslty i cannot remember the last time it rained. maybe in early june? may? idk??? we needed it. but its so moist now, like not humid but damp? sort of gross.

im tired now, and spent so long doing dishes, and just running around doing stuff today, idk what really, but everything seems to take extremely long, and im exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally. constantly pretty much. its sort of sad but yea i need to work on something maybe, figure out how to deal with things. i'll talk to you sometime soon ish i hope :P xox

Friday, July 22, 2011

that's me in a nutshell

hey lovelies :):)

this morning's breakfast was new :) and i was quite proud of myself actually :P more traditional oatmeal, with a theme...and part of a bar:

"cinnamon roll oats"

mixture of quick oats and 5 grain rolled oats in water with 1/2 frozen sliced banana (which was actually good on its own, i thought i would be gross but it thawed very quickly)...lots of cinnamon and ginger, with 1 tbsp almond-raisin granola & 1/2 cinnamon-roll of two left :(

oh. my. god. okay, officially i think the world may be ending. yesterday, it was horrid, humidex of fifty one. fifty. it hit 38 or so but felt like a freaking sauna, i walked over to my appointment at 4:30 and thought i would be sick on the street. it was that awful. but its supposed to get a bit better by sunday, 29 i think? then perhaps some rain and what not in the early part of next week. ugh i cannot wait for cooler weather, honestly. our internet was down, one of the major companies, all day yesterday, fried from the heat maybe? i worked on notes, was anxious for my appointment, like seriously messed up nervous, but watched a bit of one of my favourite films, and longed for autumn weather.

"don't you just love new york in the fall?"

lately i've been doing, well, nothing too exciting. school work, other work, studying, being stupid. :P im trying to focus on things that do matter, and i'm trying to be positive. that's something i say/write a lot on here. most of the time it's a lie i think, but this time it's sort of true. i want to be happy, but sometimes it seems easier to just give up i guess, or stay low.

"harry potter, it all ends"

one of the saddest farewells, this was brutal. when they're all crying at the end. :( sort of killing myself watching, yet you want to. you want to cry i guess. i want this though, i mean the thing about films, and i know i sound like a dreamer, but you meet amazing people and just the whole filming and acting and production experience seems beyond incredible. plus you become other people, and for films you're often shooting in these on -location shoots across the world.

but on a related note, i love this series. the books are my favourite, only because, well they're the beginning and they're just so magical. jk rowling writes so wonderfully, with such description, and each character seemed (seems...because i won't accept it to be over, especially since i've re read the series multiple times since the final book release in 2007) so real to me. but the films are also incredible in my opinion, everything really comes to life. and i love the actors, and everything really.

right now i'm just finishing up a degree, and its more film/theatre/history, though i started out in my university's acting program. it is theatre based, and the first year with my classmates was scary but quite amazing, and i grew close to many of them. but i love film so much, and i've become interested also in anything known as "behind the scenes"...though i'd ultimately love to act, to sort of get into the business i would say that i enjoy learning about all areas. along with television, radio, etc. but honestly if i could act in films, make film and just be a part of them, i think i'd be truly happy. but of course happiness is also about your life, and family, and what not. so i'd need to find a balance like that, and be happy with myself i guess, which i'm not even close to achieving at the moment. perhaps that's why i love to act, or to pretend, or to dream...i imaging my life differently? but the thing is, although film and stories and novels are escapist entertainment, that's not quite it. i would love the experience of making films, not simply the acting part. so i think i just always imaging i'll be different, or things will get better, or somehow i'll end up achieving what i truly want. but i lack reality sometimes, or figuring out how i'm going to get there. which is why my parents have always considered me a bit of a 'dreamer'...and why they were quite adamant that i achieve a more general degree as a basis. but i did want to go to school, i think i like to learn, and i wanted a degree even though i knew that it would likely not lead me directly into a career, or even form the basis of one. i just wanted to have it.

i feel like a bit of a, phoney. not that but just not very honest. honest with some things but perhaps i'm giving the impression that i'm trying to get better all the time...but im not actually trying. ugh this sounds odd. i just don't want to post about how i purposely did something or ate less or whatever, because then, well it would seem odd, like what are you trying to do jen ask for help? just brag about being restrictive, have people get angry with you? and i assume that when i read other blogs they're honest and usually people post about how much they want to get away from their eds and issues and are trying so hard, and of course i know its true. so i just feel sick saying this, but im not always trying to be better. its not that i want to be sad or sick or just not okay. but often i find certain things triggering, and then appealing...and if im just upset about one thing i'll turn to something which seems 'safe'. im making absolutely no sense. but i just wanted to say, i appreciate the messages so much, but then i feel guilty when an amazing person would write that i'm trying so hard, or they believe me, or that it's inspiring, which i just don't associate with myself at all. i feel like im failing i feel like im doing this to myself and i don't feel inspiring at all. i can't associate myself with those words but i would love to, i really would.

i do love this photo of elle, however, and wish i could do those braids with my hair

that's all really, i hope you're dealing with this heat in a good way, stay cool please :) xox love you all