breakfast was a mixture of cold cereal (organic oat squares, shredded wheat bites, fibre one bran bud thingies, wheat germ, etc.) with skim and banana and cinnamon and a few walnut pieces, and then some plain fat free yogurt with cinnamon and honey...coffee too but that was much earlier :)
hehe...sorry i had to, not sure why i'm determined to show you this outfit
hmm hard to tell but ripped/ish a+f kids light loose jeans, grey vneck (uo), pink cardigan (gap)
i am officially leaving in four weeks :) my flight is a month from today woop. and i finish exams in one day less than four weeks. and see my daddyyy in one day less than four weeks. and my cat and my mom in four weeks. four. weeks. okay i'll stop
there, here's an actual camera outfit photo from the christmas holidays before last
though i still need to get a job in order for the spring/summer, and im determined not to do retail and camp low paying stuff as i have been doing for the past three summers. im really trying and email and contacting but uhhhh its hard. and im worried about school a bit, i feel like im not doing as well as i should be and my parents always ask for marks and i hate it when i don't have really amazing ones, but im just having a tough time and i wanted to get a certain average this year but i don't see that happening. not cool though :(
it's strange, i mean i love school in a studying/learning/competitive type of way but at the moment i don't feel motivated and it's hard to study for long periods of time. in early elementary school i loved it, asked for extra work, etc. then i went through a period where i hung out with friends and it didn't seem important to be keen. then highschool, i went to private school and then an independent tiny one with a small teacher/student ratio and became super competitive again. but in university it seems different, not harder exactly or larger work loads because, in grade 11 and 12 especially i worked constantly. i just don't feel as happy with things and i do care, but somehow its just more difficult to be keen, if that makes any sense. i hate it. i hate like feeling pathetic about this stuff. i feel so guilty when i get a bad mark, or even a so-so one, because its not great and people tell me that i should be able to do well, but its not that im not trying, sometimes it's just truly difficult. ahh i will stop this type of talk because honestly no one wants to here this. i don't know what to talk about on here really...any ideas? questions? i know i don't have many readers but if you do see this post leave a question on the comments or something hehe :P
that's all for now...talk to you later xox
Just a comment my love, and probably nothing too helpful I'm afraid. ;) I'm only a junior in high school but I've been a perfectionist all my life too. GPA of 4.6, ranked number one at a large and very competitive middle school, as well as at my high scholl (around 350 kids in my class). As many AP classes as I was allowed to take, doubling (and tripling) up on core classes unnecessarily, and tons of extra curricular activities. I decided to go to a different school this year (starting second semester). It's so much less stress. I did worry (a lot!) about how it would look on my college applications, but I'm not trying to get into Harvard. Really if I'm honest with myself that would be the worst decision ever, because I don't handle stress terribly well. I need to learn to have friends and to have a social life. I want to help people as a career, which means I have to have experience being around people, not just experience at a desk. I'm having the time of my life at this school and am learning so much than I ever could have at another school being a perfectionist. I am a better friend, a better daughter, and a better sister.
ReplyDeletelucie thanks love, you're amazing. when i was in high school our tiny class was so competitive, and although it made me a better student it was also stressful. but at the same time i knew when to stop, and some of my good friends nearly killed themselves, and continue to do so, with work, like they'll just go till the end you know? thanks so much :) xox
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