Sunday, September 5, 2010


Hey lovelies:):) it's been too too long since i last posted. much too long. i can't believe that at school away from home i used to do it every day. and lots of people update many times in a day, which seems wild.

Sooo...what’s new? This past week and a bit has been both tough and relaxing. I finished the internship wooop and then went up north for a week ish before coming back to the city. I have just a little bit of time before school starts (i guess most American unis and such have begun already) so its both exciting and anxiety-filled (is that even a word?) but im hopeful. Which is good. I tried to sort of de-stress while being away but its hard, its so stupid how things still bother you, like when i was so busy with work and intern and things i was like oh my god please just i can’t wait to have time to breathe...but then certain things always remain with you. Thoughts, disorders, controlling issues and the grass truly is not greener on the other side. Well sometimes maybe :P anywho...

breakfast today was some regular oats with cereal on top, along with almonds, wheatgerm, cinnamon and a tad of a riper than ripe banana sliced with the oats. and coffee mmm.

It was sooo hot though for a great deal of the time away, even by the lake. Near the end it rained and then cooled off slightly, so its a bit better now. Soon it will be like frigid and like minus 30 so i should probably shut up. But i do like fall/autumn weather, sort of cold ish but if you go out in a light jacket, sweater, etc. and keep moving you’re okay, brisk sort of. The leaves have already started to change further north, not much in my city, but its usually about 3 weeks ahead where my cottage is. Ahhhh autumn is coming soon :D

something from a week ago, multigrain wheat squares, multigrain
cheerios, almonds...

Oh one of the novels i read last week was one that i saw on this lovely blogger’s page, and it was interesting. Where a family goes “local” for a year and only eats food produced in their area, when it is in season, etc. but that means only when the food is available bananas ;( that would be a toughy, unless you live in costa rica or any other place which grows nannnnners. Im impatient, wanting certain foods when they aren’t in season. But where we shop i mean you can get them off season, they are just coming from such a long distance, or they’re not really ready, or both even. Okay im not giving the book justice, and i sound ignorant. It’s filled with additional information and the reader travels through each month with the family, with chapters titled by various seasons, as the months of the year essentially decided what this family would be eating in terms of fresh food. It’s called “Animal, Vegetable Miracle” and the main author is Barbara Kingsolver, and there are little bits of writings by her daughter Camille and also Steven L. Hoppe her husband (i believe, anyway). There is also a younger girl, Lily, who belongs in the family.

post run breaky (i just ran once there) with organic multigrain
squares, banana, almonds, multigrain cheerios, flax yummy
granola, almonds...wait i said that already :P

I baked cookies :D they were meant to be a bit “healthier” than just like butter chocolate and extras (dried fruit yeee) and from an Anne Lindsay cookbook. Not that i have an issue with like traditional butter chocolate chip, but i wanted them a bit less rich because i just feel weird eating very rich things plus my stomach is messed up...but they ended up tasting pretty rich! Maybe i did something odd with the recipe, but it was like whole wheat oatmeal chocolate chip dried fruit (currants and apricots)...cookies. i guess it was better that way since my parents loved them. I ate a few too :)

bits of one sample lunch...carrots, almonds, yummy bread with
natural pb and...banana? i can't tell :P

I ended up going through old clothing and giving a bit of things away, and i still need to go through my stuff at my house before shopping for a bit. It’s sort of cleansing, anyone think so? Plus you feel good about giving things to other people. I used to try to sell things at like teen stores but realised it’s hardly worth it with what money (or lack there of..) they give you, so i’d rather give them away so Salvation army or whatnot.

I’m starting to get a bit pre-occupied with like volume of foods. No matter what the caloric content i just feel weird when it looks like a lot, afraid i’ll be sick or stretch my stomach or somehow i’ll just gain a ton really quickly. Like for desserts especially, even if i’m eating something relatively healthy in my opinion, if its in a larger bowl i get all anxious and weird and silly. I’m not sure if that makes any sense.

i have to admit something i guess. i feel like i should post it here, tell someone in a sense. i don't know what's wrong with me but one night at my cottage i was alone, my parents went out to friends for dinner and i had like a ridiculous panic attack, freak out bawl-sesh oh my god it was pathetic. but really scary. my dinner just went all wrong, things were like burning and i felt sick and just unhappy and was crying so hard for the longest time, then felt so ill and scared and honestly i just wanted to die right there. i don't want that to happen again. i don't even know what my problem was, i've been alone before, but i found myself wishing my mom was there (even thought she legit was with me like 30 min before) and i almost called them at their friends place, which would have been so embarrassing. i was meant to hang out with a friend but it didn't work out, so they were upset that i was all by myself like a loser.

i will leave you with a photo of mr. toady...

he actually was quite the subject of a mini photo shoot now displayed on my dad's camera :P

ahh i must jet, lots to do. sort of :P love you boooos


  1. I kind of have panic attacks like that too. I think it's from stress. I get all this stuff going on, and then it starts to get overwhelming and I can't handle it and then I just crash. It's part of life I think, and it's good to talk about it. It helps so much if a friend comes DURING the episode. SO MUCH.

    A question: Does wheat germ taste funny on cereal? I"ve never had it like that before, because things like flax and seeds and stuff always taste kind of WEIRD on cereal to me...or is wheat germ different?

    And finally, I'm glad you're back!


  2. yea, i've had attacks but this was just like everything was gone to me, like this overwhelming fear and i felt like nothing would ever be're right it is good to talk about it. ohh aha well i've just added it for a while, just like less than a tbsp, it does taste like...well wheat germ but if you just add a tad and mix it with your cereal it's not that bad. if you hate the flavour than i guess it wouldn't be nice but i find it more mild and it just sort of goes with cereal. thank you :)!!! xox