hey lovelies :):)
breakfast today was some plain oats with banana, dried cherries, cinnamon mixed in and topped with wheatgerm, plain unsweetened shredded wheat squares, organic optimum cereal (banana-almond) and a few walnut halves, as well as some skim. and a vitamin. x trois :P
this week has been...hellish, but i decided that i want to try new things and just broaden my wacko sheltered like paranoid life at the moment. i hope to start with breakfast :P like new oatmeals...okay i realise this is clearly not broadening much but little baby steps is how i shall roll. i was able to try a few new things since the last post...
like cream of wheat, i used to eat it all the time as a child especially in the winter months, like my family would eat hot cereal a lot and alternate between this and "bird seed" as i called it, but it was red river cereal, and then oatmeal occasionally...but i had it with my family this past sunday, reminded me of my childhood
these two loves inspired carrot pb sammy, this really amazing girl's oatmeal creations (my favourites on the list are the slivered almond-nut butter and the craisin-nut butter)...i actually don't normally put nut butter on my oatmeal as i don't like it that warm, but it could be nice...so i shall attempt it :P. and i will find more, if you have any options that are yum let me know please!!! also i'm intrigued about the whole overnight oats but i don't know if i'd want to leave something for that long in the fridge...and maybe it would taste gross...and just, i dunno like how many people have eaten and loved it?
im having weird like triggering issues, and wanting to be tiny. and just like maybe i wasn't gaining much or trying to control my eating in terms of cals...so now that i feel like im noticing something or if i eat more one day im like wtf and then if i hear about people exercising like my family or what not i feel so large. and just gross. and i make certain comments into something else, like say i went for a run, then if my dad would be like "oh its nice out you should go for a walk" and i get all defensive like i went running remember??? what do you mean?? im sure i sound like a psycho. but yea, and i know im not dangerously thin or even anything remotely close to that. so i know i can lose. and the thing is that i was never in ip really and though i lost the trust of people including doctors and had to gain like maybe 5 years ago...that was a while ago. some people may have forgotten. but on the other hand if i went like lower than before or just got out of control i'd mess up everything and have to gain more and probably be more than i am now. sorry if this is just triggering, i just felt like saying my thoughts.
am snack of plain western yogurt, cinnamon, organic wheat squares
anyway, i handed in a major essay yesterday in class and another one i finished last night, its not due for a bit but i have many things to complete around this time and don't want to be freaking out too much if its all at the exact same moment you know?