Saturday, April 9, 2011

something about me

hey lovelies:):)

breakfast this morning was old fashion rolled oats, cooked in water with ground cinnamon, ginger, and banana, with 3 tbsp of organic raisin bran (basically the raisins), a few tbsp of organic multigrain squares and a touch of skim :P

i can't believe how warm it's getting. well, sort of. yesterday morning i ran for a very short bit and was just uncomfortable afterward. i don't mind spring/fall but when it begins to get warmer it's just not my
favourite at all.

peppermint tea...and a few of my many cold cereal boxes :P

i thought this post could just be a bit all over the place, sort of like my mind atm :( i feel like im not as honest as i wnt to be on here and i just pick certain things to write about, and leave out parts like i would like to share but im not sure if its right or wrong or triggering

but for a more gentle topic, something that i really love is fashion. clothing, just style in general.

i love mixing like 'proper' things or feminine with something lose, and i love tights. opaque leggins with long tops, tunics or shorter dresses and then just opaque black tights, darker colours and sometimes something blue/purple with a plain top, and paired with skirts (esp higher waisted or like american apparel or f21 sometimes), dresses and tights with shorts.

loove her

i really like uo but i don't shop there too much. and jcrew, we don't have it here but i buy it online, and i love their classic cardigans but also crewcuts :P they have cute dresses. and cardigans in general, large ones and long ones and just loose and layer-eyyy :D

gosh and boots, i am obsessed with them. it used to be shorter ones but now i want higher lace ups or dr martens, or like more feminine combat boots. these marc jacobs were given to dakota (who i admire for reasons beyond style, beauty and acting-chops) and at the time (teen vogue 2006) i thought they were too much but now i adore them. the heel too.

i seem to adore nearly every thing emma roberts wears, specifically just candid shots and unfortunately for her she seems to be hunted by the paps, and just captured everwhere. i thought she lived in ny though :( so yea i guess la will do that to you.

i feel like im just starting over with this. the blog...but also me i guess. im posting about my 'favourite things' and i did that over a year ago when i started, but things have changed and obviously i've had setbacks. and it's sort of a new start?

i feel like i need to get away. when i go up north to my cottage, usually it's refreshing, i mean we don't have like a cabin in the middle of the woods, its a cottage and it's like a house i guess but its rural, on the water, boats, and we have canoes so it's calming. paddling, just reading on the dock being away from the bit city. i just want to go there right now. but i have this unrealistic feeling that it will help me. escape or whatever. but i doubt it plus i can't rely on that, i plan to live in this city or possibly another large one and i must deal with my issues aside from just leaving, but i have no idea how to cope. i'm just going downhill. i haven't made progress, at all especially since starting this blog. i look back and i've only...well become progressively worse aha. not funny though :S

i believe this is from january (eaten back at home in my rabbit bowl)
a mix of cold cereal (squares, harvest fruit muesli, almonds, banana, skim

i just honestly dont quite know what to do. as awful as some of the behaviours and lifestyle may be, its something to help me cope, you know? its like a ritual, habit, and its difficult to just change things, it will only make my anxiety worse. and though that's part of the process it's just daunting as i'm having a difficult enough time as it is. i worry that if i do more i'll just completely crack. i have other issues apart from ed and what not. and everything combines, but at the moment i'm struggling with other things thus im not as fixated with food, well i am but not counting and everything or restricting necessarily because i'm preoccupied but also i'm losing anyway. so i just don't get too scared. but if that stops, i dunno i'll probably switch focus. its so stupid its like i have to have one thing to focus and obsess about. my mom was mentioning it once and i was just like 'yea i think i have an addictive personality' and its so true, and scary....i dont like my mind much at all. to be honest it scares the hell out of me. too complex..:(

i get so frustrated and like this morning i felt awful and after eating i was full, and didn't finish all (but there was a lot of oatmeal initially and i was like wtf am i doing i hardly do much exercise i don't need this and i was doing the dishes and felt sick and just having stomach hings and then i think i just shouldn't eat since it makes me worse. honestly i give up most of the time. i hate feeling so sick nearly all the time.

but ahh i dont wan to be like this :( i'll show you part of my goodies :P
my cereal/gbar/applesauce area

okay well i must go wok and perhaps have some lunch, i think im hungry aha...
anywhoo tootles and i'll see you later loves

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