Friday, August 26, 2011

hey lovelies :):)

this morning i went for a run, and a bit later on had breakfast:

bite-size shredded wheat, small bit of kashi plain wheat puffs, banana, almonds, skim milk, cinnamon&ginger, i think a lot of people are back at school. i don't know why im commenting on this but i guess its just a normal regular thing though im not going back anymore. for canadians we start much later though, well like september unless you're a frosh at uni moving in. i can't really believe its almost that month. i guess i've been waiting for autumn but its strange, summer is nearly over. i sort of feel as though mine was wasted. i wanted the heat to be gone, i wasn't doing that well in many aspects, working on school stuff, just not enjoying life essentially. and now its over. i don't want the rest of my life to be that way though.

a breakfast from last saturday

plain oats with banana, almonds, a bit of bite-size shredded wheat & almond-raisin granola in almond milk :)
and some coffee...enjoyed after a morning run

my parents have this book that they've read a few times, sort of an 'optimism' book from the library. and they actually bought me a copy. so we could have one at the family home to read a lot. and they've been pushing me to read it insisting it will help me. i will :) i just want to finish what i have started now so i can concentrate on it and complete it fully like reading any other novel. it's called "don't sweat the small stuff" and in brackets (and it's all small stuff). i've been quite negative/pessimistic...if that's not obvious :P and they keep saying that it will never get better for me if my attitude is like this, and i understand that. but i feel like the negative comes first, and then i react. its like i feel as though its not my fault. i try to be positive and its like im hit continuously with bad things. i realise im grateful and the things that bother me are not always severe to other people. but i always say, why can't the positive thing happen first, then i'll react with a better attitude and try to turn things around...but i don't think it works that way.
"She made herself stronger by fighting with the wind."
Frances Hodgson Burnett (The Secret Garden)

i have to go. but i hope you're doing well. i don't want to post this but, my aunt (who's been ill) is likely going to pass away, well i hate saying this because i want her to be okay...but my mom and the rest of the family are at the hospital now to be with her. i really hope she'll pull through but, i don't know :( i just wish these things didn't happen. i love her and i feel so awful for my mom, her sisters, and of course my aunt's two sons. she means so much to them, and though they've 'prepared' themselves for this over the past year since the diagnosis, it's still so difficult. i want her to be okay, so i will just try to keep positive in that sense. xoxox


  1. I think my mom has that book too, I have never read it though. Maybe it can be helpful? I know it seems like it would be easier to wait for good things to happen then you will be more optimistic, but It never seems to work like that, for me anyway. What I try to do when I feel like this (which is very often) is to not stay "stuck". Its hard to be optimistic, but when bad things happen, future out where you need to go from there or how to deal with it instead of dwelling on thoughts of being a failure or being pessimistic. It sounds easier than it actually is though. Sometimes it feels like there is no other way to look at a situation.

    I am so sorry about your aunt. I'll be thinking of you, and her of course. Take care of yourself xxxo Love you.

  2. :)yea im trying that. thank you, ;( she died yesterday though, like shortly after i posted this :/ kind of scary, and i just feel like maybe the least i can do for her is try to live since she couldn't anymore. im just so angry now though, for a bunch of reasons. i hope you're having fun though with uni/college and i love you xox

  3. ok, i'm kind of obsessed with this word "uni". so much cuter than "college". hehe

    but it feels kind of weird to me too that everyone's "going back to school" since i've basically been in school all summer :P

    i love that secret garden quote <3

  4. ahh yes ive been in school finishing up credits. and now im done (i think gah) thank you so much love xox

  5. I'm so sorry about your Aunt :(. That is so very hard. What you said about taking it and really trying to live your life is the best thing you could do, for yourself and for her. One of my friends has been in a coma for a few weeks now and I've been struggling with how I should react to that as well, a major part of me feels like I deserve to be in the coma because I am not necessarily enjoying life right now, but then another part says that I can take the loss that she has experienced and use it to evaluate the areas of my life that are lacking and then improve. It's such a hard thing to do and feelings of selfishness come along with it and are so scary to sort through. But I promise that using this to evaluate your life and the areas that are lacking is one of the best things you could do. Your aunt would agree with that!
    Hang in there, girl. I'm always here for you if you need to chat!

  6. thank you so much :) its so sad. the funeral was today, and i feel so drained and sad and just, idk i hate this so much. i feel so awful for her sons as well. but just the entire thing, they kept saying that she loved family and always helped others and that it meant the world to her. and its true. xox

  7. That book sounds interesting!!

    Dana xo