Wednesday, September 7, 2011

and they dressed in black

hey lovelies :):)

i really am liking the colder weather at the moment :) like autumn. and i get to use the word now :P ahhh gosh honestly this morning i went running in a near-by ravine, and with the weather changing it seemed like i was in algonquin park, almost. except for the sirens. and cars. which i noticed when i emerged. baha, anyway, it was nice.

i enjoyed a bowl of cold cereal after getting ready, along with coffee. i took the photo but unfortunately my camera won't upload it at the moment. well its not my camera, so perhaps that's why its not cooperating. but it was simple yet nice. multigrain squares, almonds, banana, a few tbsp muesli (blueberry) along with soymilk. and ginger&cinnamon of course. it closely resembled this photo...

i was away for the long weekend, at my cottage, labour dayyy. or whatever its called anywhere else. and had quite a few large things going on the week before. and started this post a bit. but i thought i'd wait and hope to have more positive things to include besides the obvious. meaning my title is a bit much, but i just thought of it suddenly and wrote it down a while ago :P

my aunt passed away on the 26th, that evening and shortly after i posted actually. her funeral was the next wednesday. its so sad ;( i mean, old or young, it's awful to have someone die but she was just too young. cancer is a bitch....lately a lot of my family, more extended, have been affected by various forms of cancer. i remember when i was younger it wasn't much of an issue for any of us and i was grateful, but now idk...its so evil. the funeral was so sad, i knew it would be. i've only been to my grandmothers ('nana') and her mom. so it was with similar family members, and they had such a similar result of cancer in the end except she was way too young. i felt so much for her sons. and just, its just too much. but she was so amazing, and always wanted to be around family, and just stressed how important that was. i wish i had spoken to her more, just she and i.

i was really happy to go to my cottage, my grandmother came for a bit, and drove up with my brother. they stayed for just a bit less than we did. it was a bit stressful, and she tends to comment on the things that im doing that are different. she's not senile or anything but lately she's become more and more, or i should say less, censored...or tends to speak her mind. i try to ignore it i guess but i feel a bit picked on. she likes my brother much more. i know its just stupid to say that and i don't like to accept it. i try to be nice but lately i find it hard to talk to her. i love her of course, but that's because i have other memories with her and i've known her for so long and what not. anywho its okay though :P

this was a peach-berry of some sort special pie i believe

it was very hot to begin with, and then the temperature dropped like 15+ degrees (celcius) on the last day and a bit. that morning i went for a run earlier, and it felt like autumn. we even had a fire made from then on and as i ran around the cottage (i do run around the cottage, instead of up on the main road baha) i could smell that fire smoke, its one of my favourite smells i think. and i was reminded of falls that i experienced in that area, well a town nearby growing up before we moved back to the city. it was a nice little moment there :P

my first morning i enjoyed this breakfast along with coffee as i went for a morning run (spoon-size shredded wheat, a bit of kashi honey-sunshine, almonds, banana, skim)

i remember a peach-oatmeal breakfast i had, where i cooked the old fashion oats in water, cinnamon, cut up ontario peach :P along with vanilla in the microwave, with chopped walnuts and almonds on top, along with a tbsp or so each kashi honey-sunshine, a w-w-oat-pb 'cookie' piece and was like a peach cobbler :)

we came back yesterday, i miss it already :/ ohh well hopefully i'll be back once for thanksgiving in october (canadian) and then not till next spring. but i hope things will be better then, and i'll have moved forward, accomplished a great deal, and so on.

talk to you all soon, hope everyone is doing well, love you :)


  1. Hey Jen,
    I can relate to SO much of what you posted about! The first being cancer and how it has affected so many people close to you. I am so sorry for this, and so very sorry to hear your aunt passed away. Cancer is really is, I feel like there are so many different kinds, severities, treatments, etc. that it's almost hard to fully understand what you or a loved one has been diagnosed with. My mom had breast cancer in 2005 when I was in 5th and 6th grade. It was a horribly confusing time for me as I couldn't really understand what was happening or how ill my mom truly was. Thankfully, after chemo and radiation, she made it through and has been in remission since. I guess my point is that you're not alone. Cancer affects SO many people's lives and all of the hurt and sadness you're feeling is okay and understandable. Even the sense of regret, wishing that you had spent more one on one time with your Aunt. Allow yourself to go through the grieving process, it's definitely not easy but shoving the sadness down and not feeling it will only make things worse for you in the long run. You deserve to feel your emotions!
    Also, I can relate to how you described your feelings for your Grandma as she has gotten older. I feel EXACTLY the same way about my Grandpa. He used to be so kind and loving and calm when I was a kid but as he has gotten older he makes comments that are sometimes hurtful too. I know he doesn't mean them to be that way though...I think as people get older they just get very set in their ways, much more than they were even as early grandparents! My grandpa gets upset about the smallest things...from missing a turn while you're driving and having to turn around to someone loading the dishwasher "wrong." These things upset him so much!
    It is definitely annoying, I won't lie! lol I get bothered by it a lot and it has made it harder for me to want to visit him. But at the end of the day I know he still loves and cares about me. He is doing the best he can with where he is at physically and mentally right now and so am I. I think we just have to love them through it.
    Have a fabulous Wednesday, girl! :)

  2. :) thank you SO much love, honestly this means a lot. i can't even imagine (Well i guess i can now) my mom being diagnosed, or something happening to my parents. i really feel like i would not be able to move forward or survive in so many senses. im so relieved that your mom is okay though, i know she means a lot. and i agree, i know that i am lucky to have one grandparent left now, and i realise that she doesn't mean to be hurtful (if she even is, honestly im so sensitive its often me taking things the wrong way...but then again there are a few things that i just think are not fair at all). so i will try to look at it that way. xoxox

  3. I hope I didn't make you feel guilty for your feelings about your grandma, that's not what I was trying to do at all. I think it came off that way. I totally understand where you're coming from and you know, I don't think you can be too sensitive. If you feel something you feel it? You know? One of the most important things my therapist has told me is that I can never feel wrong...even if I can tell that I am overreacting to something it doesn't mean that it's wrong to feel bothered.

    Honestly, I feel angry at my grandpa a lot. I'm so upset that he's changed! I miss how he used to be and I feel a loss now that he's not the same person he was as I grew up. I definitely feel guilt for being angry, but it's unnecessary. As people change we have to mourn the loss of who they were and learn to accept the differences. It's a process for us too.

    Anyway, I don't mean to over analyze the subject lol! I got the feeling that I'd made you feel some guilt for how you feel about your grandma and I just wanted to reassure you that you're doing NOTHING wrong. It's so normal!

  4. oh nooo gosh don't worry, i was already feeling that :P it didn't come off that way, i just thought you were making the connection with your experience, and that helped :) yea im sensitive. i guess being emotional as well can be bad but i think having those emotions can also be good, if its not embarrassing :/ my grandmother has always been sort of like that though, but slightly less with certain comments. thank you so much lovie xox

  5. i'm so sorry for the loss of your aunt. my aunt passed away a year ago from cancer too. it was so, so sad to watch what she went through. god bless the, i'm sure they are in a better place.

    i love the cooler temperatures... this week the highs are in the 70's! i love the novelty of every new season, but i think autumn is my favorite...


  6. thank you so much love, i know she's in a better place and free from all the pain :/ im so sorry about your aunt. xox