Wednesday, August 10, 2011

hoping for the best :)

hey lovelies :):)

ohhh my gosh i just completed my exam. honestly i have felt disconnected the past week. just completed immersed in random historical information that i'll likely never retain. but i think im done. gosh i hope im finished...and...its getting close to cooler weather :) it has rained quite a bit. crazy down pours at times and i have been caught in them more than once :/

this morning's breakfast was organic multigrain squares, a few tbsp almond-raisin granola, 1/2 banana, almonds, skim :) i went for a short run earlier, and had coffee afterward. im at my family's house today, though my parents have been on vacation at our cottage. the water is being tested/off in my apartment, so i stayed another day :P i was here a bit to complete some online exams as well, and for my on-campus one last weekend...

i have no photos, but i've tried a few to depict certain favourites of the last little while...

yea thats all...:P

so i made...i think yesterday, yes yesterday, well i wanted to bake something. and we left the ww flour at the cottage. so only white. aka nothing i wanted to use. but...well i had skim milk that expired tomorrow and just was like determined to do i just made cookies, with white flour, margerine and white sugar included. tehe...and i had some too, i just am usually not one for making things with those ingredients. if its a cake or something for someone, well that's an excuse. and lately i've been eating things like graham crackers, sometimes store bought things that might have white flour. but using it in baked things was always something i thought was 'wrong'...especially if its a muffin. since i consider those like healthy things and i prefer the taste too, of whole wheat. anywho...i think i'll always be like that and to me its okay. but i also thought it could be beneficial to include white flour in like cookies, since normally (although i like oatmeal cookies with ww flour, and just ww flour taste in general) many types of cookies are made with white flour. so i used it, and, well i mean i didn't used to be like this. at the beginning of my ed i just was swearing off fat essentially. and i lost quite a bit of weight even though i still used white flour. so i tried to tell myself that i didn't blow up then. i focused on fat, then calories, etc. i wouldn't want to have it all the time though, and i like ww and whole grain breads, and i knwo they're more nutritious. but i just wanted to let myself know its okay to have something with white flour. i probably could have summed this up in a few sentences but i guess i ramble :P

by the way...these two sisters are incredible :)

and i purchased...or, like picked out for my birthday (back in june...) the cinnamon raisin pb from pb+co and tried it for the first time. i like it. there are actual little raisin bits in it :) its like the honey one i guess since i can feel the bits of sugar, i mean unlike the smooth one. and a bit different from natural pb which i usually have.

my brother is here now, and i think he's watching a movie. i know its day time (though its so dark out/stormy) but i just finished exams and you know what....? ahh i think im gong to go watch something with him. i was reading while drinking my coffee after breakfast...but after i do a bit of work, emails, etc on the computer i'll go see what he's up to :P i'll talk to you all laterrrr and i hope you're doing well :)


  1. wow i have the same issue with whole wheat versus white flour, and at the beginning of my ED, i still ate white flour, white sugar, etc. i just chopped out the fat/calories of everything as well. it's quite foolish, as I KNOW it's okay to eat white flour, and to "live a little" and i hate that i feel safer eating something wheat. it's the darn orthorexia, which i wish I didn't have, moderation is key! argh! good luck with that my dear. :)

    ps thank you for your comment on my blog. you are really caring!

    xxx alexandra

  2. yea, i distinctly remember once when i was in boarding school gr 9 i had, for dinner.., a piece of chicken alongside a piece of cake...? aha but then i didn't eat cake or anything except occassionally when i'd allow myself it and i felt so sick. or like salad (i didnt care if it was like iceberg, whereas later on i was like no no no darker the better) with a cookie...i wanted to have some dessert or treat but i'd have to cut other things. then it just got worse though obviously :/ but you are so right, and you can have white flour :) partly now i let myself sometimes have something made with partially or no whole wheat because my stomach/intestines/etc are so messed up :( but i guess its made me realise that i can have it sometimes? idk. thank you so much love xox