baby it's cold outside :)

hey lovelies :):)

its been a little bit since i last posted. i had wished to write more frequently, and i still do. but i don't enjoy writing the same type of things, or negative posts, etc. and im sure that you don't like to read those either :) but i couldn't resist it any longer...

this morning i had a nice breakfast after a morning run. autumn is here. i love the feeling in your lungs after being outside, and after running. it just feels fresh :)

plain oats with 1/2 banana, almonds, a few Thompson (large) raisins, cinnamon&ginger plus some crystallized ginger, bite size shredded wheat and a tiny bit of skim added after cooking...in the microwave, i do enjoy them this way sometimes

lately ive been quite stressed out, partially as im job searching and realising that...well this is it. i need to become more independent asap or i'll be very screwed. also, well my anxiety is so much worse due to this, yet i still fear the same things. although what im anxious about if often not the most crucial aspects of my life (if that makes any sense) it still takes up most of my time. so my priorities i guess are not in the right place, yet that's a difficult thing for me to do. i've always been anxious about my future. in one sense, excited because what i dream to do, well if i could do that i would be so happy..i think. yet getting there is the issue. and im a total wreck with anxiety when it comes to work, interviews, etc. i realised that these past few weeks. i mean physically and emotionally, like its death. so i need to figure something out or i will have like a bajillion ulcers or something, and probably have a heart attack, etc. i have no idea. even in the past, when i was in a bit of a better place, my jobs that i had throughout university (like in the summers/spring) caused a lot of anxiety, mostly physical symptoms. and i just had to deal. but i cannot deal anymore. that scares me because i need to do things on my own, i need to work obviously, and even if right now i'd be working somewhere not entirely related to my field of choice, its a stepping stone. as my degree doesn't lead me directly into anything.

anywho phewf you don't need to hear that. and perhaps i shouldn't be writing so much, in such depth, these personal things. but i need to write it somewhere, im sort of hurting people around me (like my family) by telling them my concerns. and i only voice a small percentage of them. which sort of goes to show what actually goes on in my mind :/ ughhh minds are fascinating i guess but mine personally terrifies me, and the complexity of the human mind sort of terrifies me even more.

how about something more positive??? yes i think i'd enjoy that as well...

a breakfast from a little while ago, but i wanted a photo of something


shredded wheat bites, blueberry-flax granola, almonds, banana, soymilk...coffee :)

and ohhh my gosh its so cold right now. i will not complain, i realise i asked for this. like all summer. but in my apartment in frigid i have just like skinnies and no socks but im wearing my paul frank slippers (but they're like thong/sandals but with like material...idk can't explain) and an uo flannel type button up. but its like buttoned all the way up now. but its autumnnn :D i wish we had a fireplace here, that would be nice. reminds me of my cottage...

i wear this a lot :/ ahh embarrassing.

my parents are on vacation with friends, and luckily my brother and i get to take care of my baby :)



i hope you're all doing well. i guess partially i never posted because i wasn't sure people wanted to read this any more. i know i never get many people reading anyway, but im not going to whine. it just doesn't feel very rewarding if i feel like no one is there, as selfish as that sounds. but i really love reading your lovely blogs, and appreciate the kindness and support that you've given me. so thank you :) and i love you xox