Tuesday, January 17, 2012

meals and memories


hey lovelies :):)

i hope you’ve had a lovely start to the week. it’s foggy, rainy and mild out today. january thaw, i guess…this morning’s breakfast was a bowl of oatmeal, banana-almond-pecan oats ;)


mixture of bob’s red mill organic oat bran and old fashion oats in water, with 1/2 banana, natural almonds, cinnamon&ginger, topped with a few tbsp alpine muesli, natural pecans & almond milk

i was just out at second cup (a canadian coffee franchise) with my dadio, part of his birthday gift/treat of a coffee…i still owe him more though of course. we just talked, and i felt so stupid because i had issue with going out and getting something. i won’t explain more because it really makes no sense to anyone else. and i just was strangely sad and depressed. but i was happy to go out with him though, that’s for sure!

i found this survey on the calorie count forum, but it seemed really fun and i wanted to try it out. i just like remembering things from my childhood, so this was just one of those things :)

When you were a kid, what was your favourite...

Fruit? – grapes (green)

Vegetable? – potatoes

Meat or alternative if vege? – probably beef, like homemade beef patties (i hate that word though) or roast beef

Carb? – i guess cookies? aha

Drink? – apple juice, milk (chocolate, but it was a special occasion thing as my parents never bought the nice stuff and only added syrup which i hated, well it just wasn’t chocolatey in the right way you know? nestle quick or something i think it was called)

Sandwich? - Peanut butter and honey; cheese + jam (yes, like real cheddar and pure jam…often with creamy honey too but idk why, sugar over load it would seem); hmm and baloney :P (always ww or whole grain bread, we weren't allowed white)

Breakfast cereal? – well i would have loved “sugar” cereals but we were only allowed those when i had a birthday party and the girls stayed overnight (i would love cinnamon toast crunch or fruit loops) but at home we had shreddies, rice crispies or plain cheerios which i’d have with a bit of sugar, or cream of wheat with brown sugar and milk

Breakfast treat? – a “sugar” cereal; or a sweet bread on Christmas morning

Homemade meal? – macaroni and cheese (with the bread crumb topping) which my mom made

Thing to bake? – rice crispies :)

Chocolate bar? – reeces

Sweet? – cookie, banana bread (homemade)

Biscuit? – for store bought? these maple cream sandwich things? i think it’s the dare brand. or oreos..

Thing to order at a restauraunt? -  …

Thing to order from a takeaway? – we never got this…but i guess pizza is the only thing i can think of that we ever ordered, so peperoni i think?

School dinner? – …like school night i guess (i didn't;t eat dinner at school)…hm spaghetti with tomato and meat sauce

Packed lunch? – …i loved having lots of little things, but that might of been when i got more disordered; so jam, honey & cheddar on ww bread, yogurt, two cookies :P

Dessert? – ice cream with chocolate or butterscotch sauce, or topped with red sugar sprinkles, in our cupboard from god knows when…saved for birthday cakes i guess, but maybe those things don’t expire?

Thing to snack on? – …oh ants on a log (celery cut up, with peanut butter and topped with raisins); raisins was also something i liked but my mom would be so worried about cavities, as apparently they caused cavities? well the sugar…

Restauraunt? – …swiss chalet

Thing that you could make or cook? – hmm not a lot, instant oatmeal, cereal, toast/sandwiches

All time favourite food? – …i honestly can’t remember, but i recall liking sweet things; i’d say cinnamon toast, so toast with butter/margarine, white sugar and cinnamon, it was so sweet and spicy, and i would make sure there was a lot of stuff on top and eat some separately :P (now i make it with honey and cinnamon)


i noticed that i had trouble remembering, and thinking of answers. i was sure that i would be able to find the things i enjoyed “way back then”. but, honestly, most memories i have are from age thirteen onward, when my relationship with food became a little wonky. i began to really enjoy things, but the fact that i can remember incidents so well lets me know that it was becoming unhealthy. so, most of those answers are  from my teenage years, and when i was looking back i saw myself eating dinner at our kitchen table in my old…old old place i guess, when we lived in a small town. sunday night dinner was eaten in the dining room, and was usually a nice roast beef with horseradish, roasted of mashed potatoes & a green vegetable. and for dessert? my brother and i would go get a bowl of vanilla ice cream with a bit of chocolate sauce, all eaten at the same fancy table right after dinner (whereas now i will not do that, and wait to have my snack later on and more spread out) in front of my parents who would sit and smile, not eating any though :P i would eat it sooo slowly though, and became a scientist, mixing my ice cream so it went through “stages”. first, think like a milkshake (i’d try a few bites), then more like pudding, then chocolate sauce! i was an odd one.

one thing i do remember, is that i didn’t care so much about specific foods, i have little memory of my thoughts around food (except that i was a bit picky and like having things that i was used to) as long as i could eat something; also, i don’t remember preparing or getting food together, and i always had to ask before i had anything; often, the answer was “no”, or i’d have to wait until dinner. but i guess that’s a bit typical of kids, as our parents were teaching us to be healthy (and not spoil our dinner which they worked hard at ;) i guess i feel as though i didn’t have a relationship with food, until it became something more, something a bit disordered, but i think it’s sort of common for people to go through stages like this. i definitely liked to eat though when i was feeling okay and hungry, it wasn’t like it was a chore all the time or anything (i know some young kids from past babysitting or camp jobs who just don’t really fancy eating, i mean little sweet things but otherwise don’t seem to get hungry).

anyway, so many thoughts. im sure you’re bored, but i always become a bit fascinated with my past, wondering what i was thinking or what bothered or excited me most. i am glad that my parents raised me  on healthier food though (and i compare this when i talk to others my age) because it also taught me to appreciate treats for what they were.


well, i’m sorry if this was a bit boring, i seem to find things to write about but then make them so dull by focusing on them so much, and then writing a novel. i guess i have a lot of thoughts. and i think that i believe i’m more interesting than i really am…but honestly it’s just that i’m quite fascinated with looking back and wondering why i acted or felt a certain way, how i’ve changed, what was going through my little kid mind. that’s why i love watching old videos. i think that i sort of want to believe that i can feel happier again. plus, i know that our past greatly contributes to who we area. well, scratch that. i mean i believe that i am composed of my past experiences and what not, so if i’m wondering why i have certain struggles, and feel like i’ll never not be afraid of things, or never stop being weird…if i can look back at myself when i was younger, and see that i really was okay, it sort of gives me a bit of hope

i hope you have a great week though! and what is your favourite things to put with oats? i know i ask that often but i need more inspiration and ideas.

xoxox jen


  1. That is quite a fun survey! I could never fill it out since my memory is notoriously terrible and I can’t remember anything from my childhood *sigh* My parents raised me on healthy food too, which I am extremely thankful for. I love looking at old pictures (no videos here) but it is extremely fascinating. Hope your week goes well!

    1. yes, i thought mine would be much better. it's like, when i get into habits and obsess about things, i cannot remember a time in detail when i didn't think about it. i try to figure out how i did something before i began to do it in a disordered/unhealthy manner...and i just...can't i guess. i hope you have a lovely week as well xox

  2. Jen I absolutely LOVED this post so SO much actually I wud even go as far to say that I actually think it was my facourite of ALL your posts ever!- and I have been following ur blog since the start and hav read every single one of ur posts. I love how you are being so much more open and honest and I think that you are a really interesting and beautiful ( on the inside and out!!) person. please keep blogging- I love to read your daily posts. big hugs, from sarah-from Ireland!

    1. ohh my gosh, i honestly feel like you're joking. but if you're serious you are insanely sweet and you make my day, for real :) xoxox