Saturday, March 6, 2010

march sixth

hello lovelies :) :) any exciting plans for the weekend? me not so much. studying. other things perhaps.

pjs are comfy but these
don't keep you very warm

i actually didn't want to post that photo it seems odd. but i don't have many others to choose from as i didn't take food pics so i guess i'll have to deal with it.

im going to be a downer again but i cannot help it. i was realising yesterday after meeting with my 'person' um that my mind is so weird, and i seem to be constantly dealing with some internal thing, a bunch of anxiety isssues and stuff and its never nothing and one is always stronger than the other. maybe im full blown ed but then it subsides and im in my anxiety and fears and phobias and either way its so hard to keep going sometimes and its like what the fuck is wrong with me? am i so unstable that my mind needs to keep holding on to some type of disorder or fear or phobia?? its so so so so sooo stupid. im not usually this pathetic and reading this will be painful because i hate to be so negative, and i promise im not usually like this. or at least i didn't used to be. okay sometimes maybe i want to be in the middle of one of these disorders for something to latch onto but there are so many things going on in my mind that i DON'T want to be dealing with, all internal so its not like i have a tough life. maybe its harder sometimes that way. i'm not even making sense. and i totally don't blame you if you turn away at this point. but i just want to let you know that i'll be making an effort to keep this little love life more positive soon okay? :) because reading many of your posts actually makes me feel happier and i should not be making people read this. does anyone else have like other issues besides anything related to eds...maybe phobias and stuff? you don't have to share it if you don't want to.

phewwwwf anywho i will change the subject. oh my god okay i keep seeing ladybugs in my place. its so weird. one appears and flies for a while and eventually dies. sad i know but like i guess inside is not the best place to live. and then another one appears. i just saw one now. but i actually see two...ahhh where are they coming from? maybe there's a nest. do ladybugs have nests aha i have no idea. okay i fully just spotted another one. this is weird. 5 in here now, 3 alive and two dead. wow im such a spazzzz today ehehe sorry but yea :P

i will talk to you all later xox


  1. Hey there ELlen - just found your blog - love ladybugs - wonder where they are coming from??? Hope u have a great weekend!!!!
    lol aimee

  2. heyy i will check yours out if i havent yet :P i know i have no idea aha. xox