hey lovelies :) :) this will be short and not so sweet, and forgive me for posting such a negative thing but i just need to say it all...normally i just talk to someone either in person, online, what-not and don't actually "publish" all these feelings.
i'm not a nice person, i think i ruin things and break people apart. im at home now for the summer and working (though i didn't go today...there's this outbreak of something at the camp and i've felt not so great all weekend and i'm so unbelievable stressed and panicked about everything, plus i have these stomach issues) and my parents have trouble dealing with me. i mean, i try to be good but i really mess up people's lives. i'm just so selfish. but i don't mean to be. i can't stop dwelling on my own issues and that makes me impossible to be around i guess.
i need help, i know that. for a lot of things but maybe just some help dealing with everything. i feel like a crazy person saying this, as im not that bad and never thought i was so unhappy. and i'm normally not like this, i promise you. ugh i just don't know what to do. and i read posts as often as i can and just get inspired from you, but then i offer nothing in return. and im really and truly sorry about that.
okay, that's all. i hope to post when i get a chance about good things and life and foood :) on another note i guess i felt weird posting this before, and i know i've mentioned i have anxiety and issues around getting sick, but specifically i have a phobia of actually like being sick (emetophobia) and i didn't think many others had this. strange? ahh perhaps though honestly it kills me and i've never been this anxious and confused and scared about it all. but i think it's going to be okay.
love you all