Friday, July 23, 2010

time for a little break

hey lovelies :) :) i hope you're well, it seems as though some people are having a tough time at the moment and im sending love your way.....hehe.

so i've missed quite a bit of work through being ill, and just dealing with the anxiety and health and school concerns. i'm actually going to be away this upcoming week (though even if i was here i wouldn't be able to post because im so busy with work ahh)...but i will make an update when i get back of course. i just need to deal with this at the moment. i'm actually surprised my parents let me join them at the cottage, away from work...they are taking their vacation and i guess after a while realised that i need to get away too. its sort of pathetic as i had nearly two months after school to deal with things before working, but at the time i was actually searching for work and really wasn't in rest mode because i was flipping out since i hadn't found a job and i knew that i needed one and they were wondering what the hell i was doing.

today's breakfast was a bit of large flake oats underneath (i swear!!) and some adds:P

i went in one day today and felt awful still, and the germy place is still just crazy i mean so many people are ill and i just realised that i'd probably been exposed once again, and i had a few rough nights, i just am so exhausted from everything, physically and emotionally. i don't know why everything is SO hard. but it just is.

but i did manage a few photos when i was at home on monday, and i managed to eat then too :)

its just time to actually get better. with everything i mean, just truly start getting back to when i was happier and healthier and emotionally just okay. i'm positive despite that im freaking out anxiety/phobia/fear-wise about a few things. just one day at a time right? i'm just awful at that, i try to plan and control everything, about myself and other people which is NOT okay. does anyone find it hard to just breathe??? wow, i mean i should be able to just take things one bit at a time, but clearly i cannot do that.


alright, not a nice post but a post nonetheless. i have to get going but i hope you're all doing well...

...and i love you xoxox


  1. love you too! <3

  2. I thought that this post was just fine :) Dont be too hard in yourself!
    In fact, I think that, though you feel down at the moment, you sound like you yearn or things to get better. That is definitely the first step! It took me some time to realize that I wanted calmness and health in my life again, and once that happened, I knew what I had to do. You WILL find inner peace, I know it! It may seem like you have no control over scary thoughts and phobias, but I promise that one day you will block them out enough to live life!
    And my parents say I am difficult, too. That is part of being a teen/young adult! It doesn't mean that you are a bad person, okay? Believe me!

  3. thanks love :) but i do cause them stress :S i believe you though. about things improving xoxox