Sunday, October 3, 2010


hey lovelies :):)

breakfast today was oat bran, and 1/2 banana cooked in with cinnamon and 3 apricots cut up, then almonds (forgot wheatgerm again ahh no) and some flax granola and shreddies, and coffee too.

this post was made a bit earlier, bits of it anyway and i haven't changed any dates so it might be a bit all over the place...kinda like meee : ahaa okay..

i saw "easy a" a few nights ago (a bit more than that) with my brother ( :) ) and ahh love love love. it was so good honestly in many different ways but i don't feel like trying to write about it in a coherent fashion so i will just not. but emma stone is like my new fav. i have a lot of favourites but she was like one of the best things in the film, she's so adorable! and just super funny and, okay i know it's just a movie and i don't know her in real life, but she seemed down-to-earth. like now i wanna be bff's with her :P and i think im seeing it again this upcoming week hopefully yeee

i've been getting really unhappy lately, especially when i'm alone. it's strange since i've been away and lived away from home for a while, but when i'm here, and my parents go away for a bit its crazy how depressed i am. just pretty much like crying a lot (pathetic i know) and everything that bothers me when they are there, i mean issues that i have, just intensify, its like i have no one to ask for reassurance, just being alone, etc. even going out doesn't stop it since i come back to the house to be alone. i do like spending time with myself but often it's not that good for me. my cat is here (loove) but she doesn't totally understand... :P ***i ended up going to my cottage with my brother for a day so i saw my family and wasn't completely alone, that was a week ago or something..i hope i can go again as i missed the hike they went on, i had a lot of work to do and just said i couldn't go then got all sad that i was alone. honestly i cause so much of my own distress. its a bit pathetic....

its officially fall. autumn. i never say that but it sounds much more classy eh? ahh im so canadian..but its a bit frigid and overcast and the leaves are changing. autumn in the city essentially :)

i just feel like wearing really odd ragamuffin stuff, but i just hate my legs. off topic perhaps and triggering and wrong but i wish i could wear tights and high socks and skirts, but it looks awful since i dont have like long lean legs or what not. i don't even have to have long ones, just thinner i guess. i hate that im saying this here, i mean ive never been an extreme thinspo addict but i since meeting people in this sort of recovering (and i mean that in the best sense) community i've felt guilty since i used to almost do the opposite, and talk to people dealing with issues while looking at triggering things, so im glad that i've met most of you because it just further reminds me the importance of just trying to be healthy and what not. i didn't say that right :( i don't know what i'm trying to say but it's not really what i just said. okay change of topic..

also, i like wearing skirts and dresses and such but when i go outside its ALWAYS windy dieee oh my god and honestly im so paranoid holding it down and i feel like everyone is looking at me. plus, sort of odd and i hope you don't all think im mental but my hands are in pretty rough shape just very dry and they hurt like i normally get rough hands when its cold, but they are very bad and i wash a lot...and the joints are starting to hurt which is bad bad bad. honestly im just messing myself up. but i know that people are staring at them. i don't know what happened to me but i feel like i look unstable or something. im really opening up on here aren't i :P i just feel like you won't judge. but this is the internet, perhaps i should be more cautious? but i do know who my few readers are so i don't think its an issue.

i sort of love the whole lace, tights mixed with more casual sweaters, cardigans and sweatshirts type of thing. but i don't have a top like that so i keep wanting to buy more things. f21 is pretty cheap and they have things like that, and their shipping is not ridic so i've been getting things from there quite a bit. not too much as i don't want to go broke or anything :P

note. this is a nighty (from victoria secret tehe) so i need to get an actual dress thang so i can wear it out :P

some breakfast photos...

i want my photos to look nicer, do you just keep them untouched, or have great lighting or do people use photoshop? mine never look that nice and i want to work on that. i really love photography now :)

i just told myself that i put down one tbsp of pb. totally not. but i ate it and just felt a bit guilty, only for a little bit :P

okay i must go, love you all and wish you the best


  1. Ahh hun. i am exactly the same! im a grown adult and ive lived away and studied abroad but yet i still feel abit lonely and sad when im left on my own.... my mum has just gone away to scotland for a couple of days and already im feeling abit sad that shes gone. Its weird cos when she's here i wish i had more space and then when shes gone i miss her like anything!

    Im loving that victorias secret nightie/dress combo, who says underwear cant be outerwear?!?! if it looks good, you rock it girl!
    take care and i hope you have a good week :-)

  2. aha thanks that would be funny if i wore it out, i didn't btw i just was not dressed yet :p xox

  3. Thanks for the comment :) I was happily surprised by it! Your breakfasts look equally delicious; I hope mine can inspire yours, too.

    I find the more you think about how sad/pathetic/whatever negative you are, the more you dig yourself into a dark hole where you do not deserve to be. A good life depends heavily on attitude. How can you look at your circumstances differently to feel happier? To be thankful for what you have and to make the best of it?

    Just something to think about it. When I am depressed, I remember: it's all in your mind. :) and so is happiness.

  4. you're welcome and thanks for yours! i know that i make myself unhappy a lot, its just hard because it seems like it automatically happens. but i will think about that for sure xox