Tuesday, October 26, 2010

take my hand

hey lovelies :) :) i've been bad, i hardly write on here or post. i guess i wanted to try to write something more positive, instead of just posting for the hell of it you know?

first things first...breakfast today, after a short run (it was quite warm, fall-ish but not like brisk or anything) but it was was sooo mucky. it was similar this past weekend since it rained but even worse now that so many people have been running on it :S

bowl of cold cereal (mix of organic wheat squares, cinnamon Life, Quaker oat squares, yummy flax granola) then almonds and some banana, with cinnamon on top. and coffee mmm

i cannot believe its almost the end of october. woow. i'm liking the temperature, brisk, and short little runs in the early morning is nice because its cool, a bit chilly but not frigid and it usually feels pretty nice. the leaves are gorgeous. you know it's strange that i sort of love the season now, in a sense. like i have this thing where i negatively associate (or positively as well i guess...though not lately) things so something bad happened to me in this season, and i don't like it...that's how i feel about halloween anyway, but i still like autumn. and i like that it sounds more classy than fall. in my opinion anyway :P its a pretty season right? right. :)
so, a few things to share over the past...while. i wanted to at least include photos (of food anyway) and i have hardly taken any in the past few weeks. a few outfits, maybe a few food...so i thought i'd at lleeeeeaaaaast give you something related to the actual blog.

today's outfit, f21 skinnies, a+f kids top/bodysuit thing, white gap cardi
(ps i don't put the brand names for any reason other than to say the type of
clothing, or where i got it...its not like they're exclusive or anything aha
but i'm not trying to say anything by it)

okay...i think i have separation anxiety to the extreme. as in, im way to old to miss my parents when they leave for a few days. i am used to living away from home and spent most of uni out on the other side of the country, and i've always gone to overnight camp and just spent parts of summers away, but i've also always always ALWAYS (in those situations for sure) had a really difficult time with homesickness. right now maybe its because i have other things going on...but like holy molayyy i start crying when im alone and its this awful feeling of like hopelessness and knowing that no matter how much you cry nothing will get better. and its this ache. like physical pain. i think i know part of the reason...if i was a bit nicer and didn't freak out about my issues and lash out at them, sort of when i get anxious and controlling and just upset and then sort of seem like im blaming them...maybe its the guilt of how mean i am right now, like if i'm nicer (i am a nice person i think and they know and i know that i don't meant that. also i always explain and for sure they don't take any of it i mean they get pissed off...and rightfully so)...but yea i think its time i just stop being so fucking selfish. honestly. and i say i can't help it, but i mean that in the moment the fear or whatever is stressing me just overrides anything else. but i never used to do it to this extent. i just feel like such a bitch. mega-bitch..i hope i haven't painted a lovely picture of jen the awful child, im not like that, honestly i believe i'm sincere and kind and caring on the whole but i also think that i just act so horribly in the moment, like when im upset about something, and i can't blame it on that. its not acceptable. so there..goal for me!!!!! BE KIND :D

goes with the whole idea of kindness right? :P hehee peace...or "Pink" but same thing, right???

i was planning on posting a bit later this week, but today i snapped a photo of breakfast so i ended up having one food pic, just one though...i've been reading all of your lovely posts lately and feeling guilty for not making one. i wish i had more to say. or at least more to say that sounds interesting enough to be published here. this is just nonsense stuff. thoughts, recordings, food...but nothing interesting. except negative stuff i guess which is not nice.

owl necklace, a bit hard to see though...

i was rather inspired by emily's latest post, i love letters and just writing things down, lists, but i never took any photo of that sort. i would love to do something like that but i wouldn't want to copy of anything. although i believe that, sometimes, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery...:P tehee

true religionsss the only pair, i got them a few years ago
and they were a bit big but on sale so i was like yeeee
steaaalll. i like their fabric :P

anyway, i do have quite a bit of stuff to do as far as work, then some organizing and such. i should get to that..

yesterday's outfit, in grade 3 or so my best friend
would wear tights with shorts in the winter,
just like people wear skirts, so i used to do it to.
bringing that style back in university oh yeaaa,
i feel like im eight. is that bad?

okay well short but sweet, ish. i hope you're all doing well and i'll continue to read your great posts. love you lots


  1. hey, i <3 hat black striped top in the last pic :) nice to c a post from u :)i was never homesick when i went away as a child but now, im terrible. one week is ok, but, idk, its like when im alone, i feel vunerable and weak. it helps to have something to look forward too, so when im at uni 4 the week, i look forward to fridays when i can go home home to my bed and my cat and my mom. :)

  2. yea it's nice to have something to look forward to. but often i feel like im always looking ahead, looking forward to things and just not being in the moment.. thanks:) xox