Monday, May 30, 2011

here's to another (bad) year

hey lovelies :):)

today's breakfast was plain oats with a banana, almonds, balance granola and multigrain squares, with some milk. cinnamon&ginger added as well :) coffee. i did a short ish run today, and woke up a tad earlier as it was supposed to be quite warm. and i hate that. especially running in heat=death, sick, gross.

its getting sort of close to my birthday :/ gahh on the 7th :O but im going to be so old and im sad. since i turned like 18 i think my birthdays are sort of filled with a bit of dread. i have peter pan syndrome or something :P i mean that in a lighter way, i did not know the term has such a serious connotation :/

sunday i went shopping i guess, with my mom, we had a 'day' and i picked a few things for my birthday :) we went to indigo (bookstore) and i treated her to a coffee & treat (she had the lf chocolate chip nannner bread and i had a iced cinnamon raisine luna which i brought with me...first time ever + not sold in canada ;( it was so good god honestly i was lik exclaiming, and it smelled like a cinnamon bun)...and tall darks :P for the coffee. i rarely eat/drink out like that its been like a year :/ i went to wfooooods with her, the only one in our city and theres like 3 in canada aha...picked things myself + a little bit for my present i guess, its in yorkville this fancy exclusive time nook of the city, i like walking arund there, pretending i can buy everything :p tehe + got nice jeans at over the rainbow, the main gift i think. and we did a few other things and it was challenging, at the stores too, i didnt know which size and this very nice girl/woman (probably my age aha she likely though i was like 16-17) was like noooo you must be x size and i though, chyeaaa highly unlikely girl (too small for me..) + then i tried something and she said hmm maybe there next, it was still i guess not too big in my mind (the size..) but i think perhaps i looked smaller than i am to her. i just look into these things so much and i guess i havent bpught jeans for a while. but the size she assumed would have been smaller than normal. anyway stupid i won't talk about it anymore here, promise. for this post anyway i cant promise it wont cross my mind.

i would like to make this, we just need whole wheat flour again :)

last week i had to continue getting documents for something i'm doing for uni, and i had to go to my doctor. i do not like visiting the doctors, it really freaks me out. and it wasnt an actual 'physical' or what not just getting her signature and talking with her and just explaining things but just being there i don't want to touch things and just, yea...but she had been away (i had a visit planned for a week or so earlier) but had a medical emergency, i believe a family member died. and my mom was just making sure that i got everything i needed and earlier that week when i spoke with her she just stressed that, ad i was thinking my god my doctor probably won't want to hear any of this as she just lost someone and my issues are likely low down on the scale of importance relative to what happened to her. but anwho i went alone and it was quiet, yet istill waited a lot (not just because she was away but, this is just normal for canada, we might have health care but there are a few catches...but i won't get into that here)...anyway i mentioned that i was sorry she had to take time off, hinting but not mentioning a death or anything, just before i left and she thanked me, i feel like i broke a barrier and she was more natural. she's nice and kind and what not but very formal. but she looked a bit surprised and smiled when i left :)

i tried the gingersnap larabar not too long ago (we dont seem to get them in canada however my parents were in new orleans in early may and actually got a few for me)...i like them. i was really hyped up about it, like dreaming for ages as i could never find it anywhere ;( and although it was not as expected (i felt like it was going to have ginger pieces more like a candied type thing) was yummy and full of sweet spices like a gingersnap.

gingersnap oaties, oh yes i think i did :P...

plain quick oats in water, cinnamon, ginger + a tiny bit of 'grandma's fancy molasses' (not my granny :P) with balance granola, multigrain squares & 1/2 gingersnap larabar

i saw 'how to train you dragon' sat night which was so good :) and my mom and i (i had a night with her, went back home when my dad was away and made stir fry (lots of fresh ginger, onion, carrot + asparagas new loveee) and brown rice and tofu mmm. and we just spoke a bit about the moral, don't assume + judge and although its about dragons it can be applied to any war, really. it stetms from prejudice, mis-communication...people aren't born evil are they? perhaps sometomes, or someone gets put of hand, too much power, and then iy builds from there. it was a nice story and well done, amazing animation (the credits were insane, so many people involved) and lovely music/soundtrack by john powell :) i love film music (especially the scene and song linked on his name, its very beautiful) and i love film. so much. i love feeling inspired by something like a film, novel, song. i would love to act/be involved with films, its been my dream (+ goal....) for a while.

i didnt mean that in the title...i want this to be a good year, honestly. but i always say that and, lately, it hasn't happened. i need to make it better, and not simply assume things will fall into place.

love you like pb+nanananers


  1. I think its a common preconception in recovery that you FEEL bigger than you look... ive heard so many stories about people having gained to a weight they were before yet still being able to fit into their smaller clothes. So maybe with redistribution, the body is always slightly smaller? i dunno.... but i do know that i often feel bigger than i am. (duh, thats ED for ya!) but visually, you tend to LOOK smaller than you may actually be.

    does this make any sense?! im rambling!! hope youve had a good weekend. OH i saw "how to train your dragon" was on tv the other night, but didnt watch it... i think i might just have to check it out now!
    take care of you x

  2. yes it does :) the thing is im sort of in between my lw and starting weight (like before ed) leaning toward the im not sure :/ thank you so much love :)

  3. happy (almost) birthday! it will be a good one. i didn't know peter pan syndrome meant that, I thought it was just not wanting to turn into a boring adult ;P which you never will, so it will be a good year! <3

  4. aw emily thats funny, yea i hope im not a boring adult :/ xoxox