Sunday, July 17, 2011

need to breathe

hey lovelies :):)

so, today is going to be even hotter than yesterday. feeling like mid to high forties (celcius) baha. :/ it kills me. but still i wanted to run so i woke up eaaarly to do a little bit. eventually i had some breakfast, cold cereal...

mostly spoon-sized shredded wheat, with a bit of almond-raisin muesli flakes + life cereal (original), along with some skim milk, ginger&cinnamon + some large almonds...mmm. and some coffee.

this is an old photo of mine, but it sort of depicts my breaky, more bite-sized shredded wheat and less of the life however :P

a breakfast from a wednesday morning from home :)

plain oats with nannner, cinnamon, almonds. mix of dry cereal (almond raisin granola + multigrain wheat squares with some milk)
+ coffee...i like to put the dry cereal in a little mug (the flower tea one :P) and then add the milk. but keep it there until it is partially absorbed. like soggy cereal, which i realise sounds nasty but its yum usually. and then i add it on top and eat some myself :)

i like to reflect on my past sometimes (the good things...but often the negative things stay with you)...and talk about memories and myself. but that sounds self-absorbed. i just like remembering things and when i talk to my mom about that, she always assumes im self-absorbed :P like we have a collection of home videos on dvds which just recently were transferred, so i would watch them when i was at my cottage, with others and sometimes just for fun alone. but when i talk about them i often get the"look", you're too obsessed with yourself. but often the videos include them! i don't get it. i just find it fascinating to see my younger self, my brother, and esp my parents (i really didn't "know" them as people when i was little, just as parents) brother for example, i love seeing how he was because i didn't really know him in the same way i do now, or i was just too young or not alive to see him when he was little. also, i remember thoughts that i had at age 3 do its so interested for me to just see what i was like. i just try to imagine what was going on in that mind of mine then. and some of the videos cover my piano, when i was talking lessons a lot and just constantly practicing, and it's inspiring for me to see how i was in the past, and hope that i can get that way again. i realise that people advise you not to look back, but often that presents a source of hope for me, and for my future. does that sound lame? :P idk i just like seeing them. but i was
not an attractive baby. so so so big. :)

i've been having this creamy brown rice hot cereal quite a bit, usually for my brother as well as he seems to like it :P funny boy...but its yum and initially i let him use my honey (the lighter one) for sweetening it but he says he doesn't need it anymore :) an example of my bowl is with banana, almonds and a little bit of raisin-almond muesli flakes, and the cereal is cooked in water with cinnamon&ginger. i thought this photo sort of reminded me of it:

i would consider it dried mango on top :P inspired me actually to start making it...but also ginger slices perhaps, apricot something ish?


i've been thinking a bit about this blog, and what i'm trying to talk about, deliver, etc. im not sure. i started sharing more, and wasn't too worried about the whole privacy thing, but now i feel as though i don't want to keep sharing so much. i feel like its hurting others more than helping, and i've never offered support through here. plus the fact that it is the internet sort of gets to me sometimes. perhaps if there was a theme to this, then it would make more sense and i'd have direction. but i feel like the only way i have more to talk about is if more 'bad' things happen, which sounds silly. but i don't write about the good things. lately i've been having trouble with a lot of things, so i guess i haven't really noticed the positives, if there were any. but for some reason i don't focus on those, in real life or on here. and i have so much trouble articulating things :/ i mean this makes no sense. i guess i'm not a writer? :P but i love sharing some things, and i love reading blogs. so i'm just stuck. i don't know what to do here...? i guess its obvious i like talking about myself sometimes. only certain things :P i know i don't have many people here but i love the supportive comments i've received, and reading your blogs, and learning more...if you have any questions just ask, and i can try to answer :)

xoxoxox love you all :)


  1. I don't think that makes you self absorbed for wanting to watch videos of yourself from when you were younger. You certainly don't come across as self absorbed or obsessed with yourself through your writing. If I had a lot of home videos I would like to watch them too ;P it is really interesting to see how you acted when you were little.

    Your breakfasts look yummy. I like cereal to be soggy too :) I've never had brown rice cereal. I've been wanting to try some other oatmeal-ish cereals made from different grains. I must try that soon!

    I think you need to write your blog for yourself, and if you feel like writing about something that isn't positive it is a lot better than pretending everything is great and writing a post where you pretend to be feeling something other than whats real. You writing is really good! you are articulate, and I can relate to you so much. I love reading what you have to say. But I get caught up in thinking about what I should write and thinking I don't have good "topics" or a real message or anything in my blog. Try not to worry about it. For me, I try to remember reasons I love reading other blogs (honesty, interesting day to day things, and their opinions , etc.)

    Hmm... as for questions... what do you do in a typical day. And I'd love to hear about acting and other things you love.

    ♥ ♥ Emily

  2. emily :) i love your comments. ah im glad i don't sound self absorbed, at least from your point and i hope no one else thinks so but idk :/ yes you should try it! i want to have oat bran again, but the stores around me don't have the bob's red mill, which can be in the fridge/freezer to store and they just have like the quaker or some other brand in a cardboard thing which is always difficult to close/keep and what not. i know its just oats not a different type of grain :P but its quite different from regular oats nonetheless. i can relate to so much of what you write as well :) thank you so much :D xoxoxox

  3. Hi :)

    Im Sona, ive been reading your blog for a while and i may have commented when i had another blog (streamingVisual) But i dont know i cant remember :p Anyways, its funny because before i got to the last bit of you're post i just thought to myself Ooo i want to comment and tell her how much i like her writing! Then i saw that you dont think you're much of a writer/ dont know what to write about etc...Honestly, i really like your blog and your style of writing, it has a certain, i dont know, innocence to it or something? Hope that doesnt sound weird because i mean it as a compliment. Its quaint :)

  4. hey Sona :)aw that is the nicest thing, thank you so much for this; it means a lot xoxox

  5. It's not self absorbed to watch home videos, i wish my parents had made more so i could see what I was like. But I love going through old pictures and talking about what I was like and what my brother was like when we were children, it is calming.
    I've never heard of brown rice cereal, sounds interesting!
    You do not need to fret about your blog or writing style. You blog for you, to get your emotions out there are and potentially gain some advice. If your feeling as if your not being positive enough, maybe try end each post with a positive of the last few days? Maybe we should both do it as a little project, because pointing out the positive is so important, you deserve to be happy :)

  6. i love the photo thing as well :) i will try to do that, we both will :P thanks love xox