Tuesday, July 12, 2011

when everything seems all wrong

hey lovelies :):)

i thought i'd use this again, though its not mine (i might be doing this for a while until i can take
more photos...i hope i don't get hate mail or something :/ aha)...

today i had shredded wheat bites with banana, almonds, cinnamon&ginger and skim milk, with a touch of gf whole grain rice chex

i thought i was doing better :/ i just had the worst night, well maybe not. and im sure i'll have bad ones to come. but i didn't sleep. i was awake till nearly 5 just trying to sleep, i was so tired. hot. and scared. because apparently i can't sleep anymore? i tried the eating before bed, which scares me, and then read for an hour, didn't use the computer...like 5 hours of trying. i hate this. im just so terrified i won't be able to sleep. tonight esp and any night. honestly after 5 hours, i was like....what if i never sleep? i mean you need to sleep to survive, and i thought i was just horribly messed up. here's to good nights i hope ;(

and i want these. so so so badly, they're from the 2006 collection i think marc by marc...or just marc jacobs idk but its the ones dakota fanning wore a lot in the teen vogue thing that year, and they were custom made for her and she got to keep them. ;( too unfair eh? ohhh speaking of dakota...

tehee i feel like such a tard but im happyyy and ohh gosh mean girls anyone...w karen putting stickers on her face in the mirrror and it ends up spelling it backward :P just like the writing on this photo

today i've had to do a lot of errands and work and family stuff, so i was worried with the whole lack of sleep thing...knowing i'd be tired and sicky and like cranky. i just came home to prepare a cake for my mom's birthday today, she's out visiting her sister (who's really ill) and shopping for herself and a few other things. and she wanted an orange shiffon cake, it's quite tricky and i've just completed it. you separate the eggs but when i put it all together, it didn't seem 'right'. and it called for six eggs. gahhh. i know cakes normally call for a lot, maybe three but six? ohhh well :P i can't skimp on it, i was going to but my mom separate them this morning and she phoned me, i was sort of trying to sleep as i hadn't much of course and said that it was probably a good idea for her to do it as i'd be out of it when i arrived :P but i felt sort of accomplished, it's been a while since i've baked, and especially a cake, and in particular something i haven't subbed. i put some applesauce for oil but otherwise it's just a nice cake, flour, sugar, orange rind, etc. and the eggs. i hope it turns out okay.

i just shared my first ever carrot cake larabar with my mom. her favourite cake is...carrot cake, and since i made something different this year i thought i'd have this with her...from an amazing wonderful inspiring love who sent it to me, as we do not have this flavour yet :P

xoxoxoxox i must go and eat with my famjam, mother's birthday and what not. i hope you're well and stay strong because i know it's going to be okay


  1. Thats terrible you couldn't sleep last night :/ not being able so sleep even when you are tired is the worst, but I can relate and not being able to sleep because of anxiety. I hope you still had a good day. Sleep well tonight love :)

    I love those boots too. I can't wait to start wearing boots again in the fall. I hope your cake turns out well. I'm sure it did. And what did you think of that lara flavor? I didn't know what flavors you would like so I just sent you a bunch of different ones ;P Its sweeter than other flavors, but I like it. Happy birthday to your mom! xxo -emily

    (btw. i deleted my comment after I relized I had a lot of typos!)

  2. hehe its okay i deleted it so it wouldn't be blank :P i slept longer last night though, thank you :) i liked it! i thought i would find it different with the oils and carrot and other fruit, but i liked it and my mom did too aha :P thank you so so so much for them, its the first i've tried of yours! xoxox

  3. Hey Jennifer :)
    I've never commented before but I really love your blog. I can relate to so much of what you write about...the difficulty of eating at new times (it's opposite for me, morning is always the hardest) and trouble sleeping. Gah, sometimes I just dread the night time because I know I'll spend it just staring at the ceiling for 8 hours with nothing to do. Sleeping meds have helped me a bit with that. Although I am not happy with being on any prescription meds...how do you feel about medication??
    Keep fighting. You're trying so hard and I think it's truly amazing. I know you can get there girl!

  4. hey :) ahh i had your blog on my roll thing for a while and its not there for some reason :( but i will put it back because i've missed your posts. thank you so so so much for this, i love your blog as well. im not on meds but i have been for a short period, and i'm also seeing someone who is able to prescribe, but its also more of a therapy thing (for this and other issues like anxiety) so it could be a possibility? im not sure if you meant just prescrip. meds for sleeping. that i've never taken, but ive had like no name gravol and what not which makes me drowsy often. thank you again for being so sweet :D xoxox