Saturday, December 17, 2011

from bad to worse ;(

hey lovelies :):)

its really cold out today :O bitter, but sunny. i didn't know this until i stepped outside for a little run, in my fleece & puffy white vest :P i was pretty stylin, i have to say...

not. but nevertheless, i went out. my day has been pretty awful so far actually, its like one thing after another. some are trivial but still get to me. i felt sick and weak, then after getting showered, dressed, etc my breakfast failed so many times. it started with gross/stale oats i think, so i got new ones from a Quaker oats bag, but my banana was gone. so i got some sliced frozen ones as i didn't have ripe ones left. then, i went to pour the soy milk and shook the carton, but apparently some brilliant child (me...) didn't close it. so it went everywhere. lkjlkjlkj at this point i was hungry and just wanted my freaking breakfast. so centuries later i sat down to the breakfast below. my oats were still hot though, surprisingly :P

oats with cinnamon&ginger, almonds, 1/3rd crumbled apple-crisp crunchy nature valley bar, bite-size shredded wheat, milk

but how depressing am i??? change of topic. yesterday, my family & i had our photo taken. it took awhile and, well...i don't like how i look so that was a bit difficult. but i think it turned out sort of okay. we had the same photographer that took my photo when i was two :P same with my brother, though his was taken 4 years prior of course, as he's older. what has changed in twenty years? well, not much :P but i could sit still. when i was younger, i never could. and my mom told me that it was a bit of a nightmare taking the photo as i was on the chair for a split second....snap the photo. then i immediately jumped off.

i tried these for the first (i think??) time yesterday, they don't seem to sell the jocolats here. it was okay, but quite bitter. i like the chocolate chip/brownie (?) larabar more :P this was different though & i love the wrapper.

i'm about to set up my new camera though :) my dad has offered to help. i know :/ i haven;t even used it yet. the photos here, along with the last few, are taken with my dad's Nikon D-50 (i think thats how you say it). so im excited to try mine out :)

so...Christmas is in a week. gosh that is scary soon. i can't believe it's been a whole year. it's sad to realise that nothing has changed for the better. and i'm not the only one to mention the obvious. im so terrified that something bad is going to happen. i love this holiday but lately it causes so much stress and, since it mean so much to me, im worried that it won't be enjoyable. we're supposed to see both sides of the family. and, my concerns do not compare (in the slightest) to what my extended family is going through. on my mom's side, it's the first Christmas since my aunt died last august. and on my dad's side, it's the last Christmas to spend with his brother in law (my dad's sister's husband, my uncle...) he was diagnosed with brain cancer a little over two years ago, with a prognosis of two years. he underwent a few brain surgeries to keep removing parts of the tumour, but it was stage four when discovered, and too close to parts of his brain making it impossible to remove entirely. in the last few months he has gone downhill severely, and is now paralized on one side, along with other things, and he's in a hospice as it was becoming too difficult for his family at home. so, yea this year has been crap. the year of the cancers i guess :(

i hope you are all doing well though. do you like the holidays? which do you celebrate? i've always loved this season, but it's not quite the same as when i was younger. my best memories are probably of when i lived a bit further north in a small town. there was always so much snow all winter, and when i woke up Christmas morning i felt so giddy and excited and could not believe the day had actually arrived. my brother and i would wake up so early, and sometimes didnt go back to sleep. one year i remember we snuck down to the basement to watch tv until my parents got up, but for some reason picked a violent war film, not Christmas-ey at all :P and on Christmas eve, we would go to our local ski hill (resort) to watch people ski down one particular hill carrying little torches, it was so beautiful i remember :) it was called the "parade of lights" i think.


love jen


  1. Nothing has changed... yet.

    and maybe things have changed... things you might not realize. I find that happens a lot where you can't truly see the changes, but years later you look back and are like... oh.

    oh and definitely been there with having things go awry when preparing a meal. It's good that you continued on and made your breakfast and ate it... you know?

    Isn't it crazy though that it's this time of year again? I work at the mall and I'm reminded of it constantly.

  2. I hope things start going better soon. It is absolutely crazy how this season has suddenly appeared. I always remember the snow on Christmas that always waking up there would be snow and how magical it all seemed. I'm sad that season hasn't seemed to have produced much snow and I'm hoping that when I go home up north that there is some snow there. Take care!

  3. you are both so amazing, and these words brightened up my day :) for real---> :D (smiling me..) yea i would have eaten something i think (though i was a bit worried of getting sick). i was just like, seriously? those issues continued into my day and i felt sicker and ugh. xox

  4. Jen,

    I’m so sorry about what your family is going through, that is terrible. I hope you are still able to enjoy their company at christmas. Try to be in the moment, ok? I know it must be so hard for everyone to be cheerful, but I’m sure your uncle does not want all the attention to be on him, and he wants to enjoy a normal christmas just as he has always done. (I’m sorry if this is disrespectful for assuming things about your family.) It is incredibly sad, and its ok to be worried and scared, but still try to realize that there are things to be happy about. xx

    I celebrate christmas as well. I love it, but i agree that it was more exciting when I was younger. Especially when I still believed in Santa ;) Your childhood christmases sound perfect. Memories similar to that make me miss being a little kid.


  5. :) thank you so much lovie, its sad, i feel so badly for my aunt (& cousin)....he passed away last evening. though its been predicted for over a year, and they knew it was coming, it still must be so hard. im not sure what it going on for christmas and noe we'll have a funeral before christmas, i have no idea when :/ gosh you're never disrespectful :P i haven't even seen him in over a year, so i didn;t see him at this state. he was on a walk for cancer, and much happier then, though he had just undergone another brain surgery and you could see the "frankenstein" stitches as they say :P im glad that was a final memory for me. anyway, i should just write all this somewhere else. probably in my next post aha :p love you xoc