Wednesday, December 14, 2011

just some thoughts...& something special :)

hey lovelies :):)

i just wanted to make a little post to write down a few things and then add something fun :) i'm hoping this will be much less 'heavy' than my last, which...i know, it was lengthy and filled with thoughts, many confusing at times, but thank you so much for reading it. i was scared to post it, and i always worry about what others will think of me. but i'm glad i wrote it down, i think it's good to be honest. it's something i try to do in my blog.

anyway, this morning i was debating whether to run or not, back and forth in my mind ugh it was crazy. you see, part of the reason was because they're doing alarm checks in each apartment in the building all day today and tomorrow, but they don't give a time. so im just anxious now knowing when they'll come, if i'll be out or in the shower and what not since my brother left this morning. well, i decided to run and it was pretty good. short and sweet (ish). it's so mild out though, such a contrast to when i ran on monday when it was frigid. or saturday i mean, when the wind was so strong and cold and harsh.

this isn't mine, but it reminded me that i'd love to have some pecans with oats like i did in new york :)

i eventually got to my breakfast, which was a lovely oats and cereal mix:

plain Quaker oats with cinnamon and ginger, almonds,
topped with crystallized ginger, some shredded wheat bites and a bit of milk :)

i had my coffee afterward while doing some computer work and what not. my anxiety has been sky high lately, and it's usually quite high by the way. so now its just awful. everything sends me in a panic essentially and im constantly tense and stressed and just exhausted. physically too...i think emotional stress just somehow drains my body, that or im sick. idk i hope i'm not :/ and the stress gives me awful symptoms too which terrify me even more. last night for example...not a nice evening. well i returned from a short intern day (yet i was still so stressed and exhausted and sick from it...its so pathetic) and i came home to have dinner with my parents. but we started discussing other things and everyone was upset, i was upset. i feel like i bring out the 'bad' in everyone else, the anger, the sadness, the negativity. and then my dad was going to drive me home and i felt badly since he was like coughing so much, he has a cough i guess but i just felt horrible. and was upset about the arguing and stressed since i had a lot of work to do for the internship and i'm not someone who deals with that well. i know there will always be work, and lists, and to-dos...but i just imagine all of the things i have to do and if i can't tackle it, or at least sort of schedule things i can't sleep or anything until it's done.

but enough about that. actually, do you deal with stress? and all the above?
i need some tips as i'm evidently not doing well.

there is a chapter in a book i mentioned a while ago, "don't sweat the small stuff" (and its all small stuff...titled "when you die, your inbox will never be empty". and it's something i should begin to learn, or accept really. i feel like i need to be completing things and if something is still left undone i cannot stop stressing. which makes it difficult, and then im always waiting to be done with something, and never enjoying the present. and i tend to treat everything as work, negative, unpleasant that i need to "get through fast".

the amazingly lovely emily + also the beauty rhiannon tagged me though with this versatile award. though i doubt my blog is versatile. it was fun to find seven things though...

ahhh i love awards :)

Here are 7 things you probably didn't know about me:

when i was about three, i used to eat insects. seriously, little ants on the ground. i would be sitting on the patio at my cottage and would see the "baby ants" as i called them. but they're not babies in reality, just small ones. and i'd squish them! and then put them in my mouth. so odd, as now im freaky about germs, and hate killing things. honestly i would cry probably.

two. i learned to ride a two-wheeler sans training wheels when i was three. my brother, seven at the time, was learning and i guess i though, bahh i can do this. so i did. idk if that's impressive or not but i think that most people learn a bit later. or not, is that early to learn? aha maybe you all learned earlier. i was an adventurous kid, my dad was proud. now...well not so much but i'll try soon.

three. similarly to the above (i see a trend, these are all when i was little) i climbed up our old tv tower thing at our cottage when i was three. apparently i disappeared and my family was calling for me, then spotted me wayyy up at the top of the tower. and i didn't really understand the danger. so they sort of coaxed me down but i was just smiling. aha we have a photo of that. but i loved climbing and was in gymnastics, but eventually when i was ten i had to give that up because i was also swimming, and between all the meets and what not it was just too busy, so i chose swimming :) actually part of the reason was because my parents thought that swimming was something i could continue when i was older, whereas with gymnastics its more difficult, the flexibility and strain on your body and what not...well i think i'd have to stop at some point. but with swimming i guess i can do it in my nineties :P

four. i love family guy. i initially saw it and just didn't understand it...and then i realised that you don't have to. i guess i found it just insulting. but then i watched it a few more times and i love it, i end up laughing at everything, i don't know why. but i do find it a bit too much, especially when they pick fun at certain things, it's just too mean :/ but really i just love stewie. ahh i think he's so cute, more so when he's just being a baby. i know his voice is odd and he can be rude, but he's ahhh i can't explain. when he just walks around and his feet go pitter-patter and just some moments when he acts like a baby, :P cute. like this one. my favourite thing i've seen is the one where he and brian (dog) get locked in the bank. and i know that most of it is just gross, the poo thing. but the ending is precious. and i was scared that they would ruin it by adding something rude, which is what normally happens after a truly sweet moment on the show. but they didnt :)

five. i love to read, and i know that's nothing new. but i've read before bed, each night, for like almost three years. maybe less, but i feel like i have to, and that something bad will happen if i don't :P but honestly i just need to read something before i try to get to sleep, a novel though not like a magazine/paper, etc.

im sorry if these are boring, it's really hard! hmmmm...oh i have a tiny section of my hair that is blond, like white blond. but the rest is a darker brown, and i've had it since birth i guess :P it's sort of underneath a few layers so you don't see it unless my hair is half up, but i used to feel special with it, and i'd go to the hair dresser and they'd notice it and i'd smile :P

i love to act, and would ultimately love to act in films. i love films, and it's been my dream for a while. i know that i won't be happy unless i can do this. but im soooo shy, especially when i first meet people and with non-family members. so people don't really understand when i tell them that i want to work in the film industry :P in grade ten, i had switched schools and was in the senior drama play "twelve angry women" (take off of 'twelve angry men'...i went to an all-girls, feminist, etc :P school aha, not that it's a bad thing) and my character, juror #3 was loud, bitter, opposing everyone. and most people were like whaaat? since i was so shy i guess, and my character was the opposite. i loved playing that role though, and i think it's been my favourite. but of course my one grandmother (well the only grandparent i have left) was like, "wasn't she just playing herself"...aha ouch :/

i keep seeing that more people have been tagged. if you want to do a post on this then do it :) i tag everyoooone. or just tell me a few random things about yourselves :P this was hard though, for me at least!

well, they came to test the alarms. :) throughout the day (ohh like just now, my ears :/) they are testing it in all the apartments, so theres this sudden, sharp, loud screeching. and i can't prepare for it and its sort of funny but this morning each time it happened my entire body was like slkdjflksjdf;a.lfjskdljf!!! and my heart started a delayed palpitation thing baha. then like a few seconds later it did it again. and then again, so on...

i hope you had a lovely weekend and nice start to the week, and hopefully most of you are finished with school/work soon for the holidays :) im watching this youtube episode of arthur (i promise i don't watch it all the time but i needed something to escape too, and someone has uploaded recent episodes)...and its about blogging...muffy has a blog, and people get bored of it and are like "you can't just blog about your salad for one wants to read that" and that her blog needs to have an angle. and she starts to blog about real things, like her fights with francine, and then people get upset because she starts posting about private things. it sort of directly related to me, and i laughed a bit. i didn't even realise it until i was posting on here, and hearing it at the same time. here is the link :P

lots of love



  1. Oh my gosh, that episode of Arthur is too funny ;P when we were little, children's shows used to teach kids about sharing, and being nice, and manner, and that kind of thing. Now they're teaching children how to be appropriate on their blog ! wow ;P I used to watch Arthur all the time, it was one of my favorites.

    As for dealing with anxiety, i don't have any ways of coming that are very helpful ;P Walking around and stretching, or cleaning can take my mind off things for a little while. Or if I'm' really freaking out, sometimes I need to talk to myself to calm down ;P But I don't so that too much hehe.

    I loves your seven things, I did't know any of those things about you. That is so cool you have a section of blonde hair :) I loved getting to know some things about you xx talk to you soon ♥