Thursday, June 7, 2012

a special day

hi :)

happy birthday breakfast

my birthday breakfast :) i’ve heard that chocolate and wheat germ go well together, so i tried it:

this was a mélange of my favourites, including irish oats,  banana, cinnamon&ginger, raw almonds&hazelnuts, shredded wheat, crystallized ginger, wheat germ, semi-sweet chocolate chips…and skim milk! black coffee of course, that that’s a mug of peppermint tea right behind there.

i didn’t feel special when i woke up this morning. i used to get the same tingly, odd, surreal feeling that i get on christmas morning. but i do feel sort of special today, that could just be because people are wishing me happy birthday :)

oldie...barney&ainsleyi sort of wish i was here again. but, then again, i’d have to go through all these years again ;P the bad and the good. and i have enjoyed my life, even though lately it hasn’t been that great. but i look sort of happy here, genuinely, and i don’t have many photos like that (i know im young here.  but even when i was little i was very anxious and, not so kid-like, just very complex and serious and intense)… i was absolutely in love (no not obsessed…in love) with barney. until age…pff idk like eight? ten? seriously, it was weird. but im only five here i think, so that’s okay.

ahhh, so our moving day was, officially, a shit-show. more so for my poor brother, though i think he’s had some time to organise and fix a few things, and what not. but so many things went wrong. but that’s usually what happens, right? murphy's law, or something..

oatmeal time !

but i enjoyed this bowl of banana-mango-almond oats (mix of quick and old fashion, banana, dried mango, cinnamon&ginger, topped with slivered almonds, crystallized ginger & soy milk!) beforehand…i have to admit that i was not present for a bunch of the moving process, and my parents, brother, and friends were left in the rain.

however, i’m a bit behind the times, because this happened last week! …and, today is…june. 7th. my birthday! yeee…i was just out shopping with my mom…food shopping that is. but i think we’re going out later in the week for clothes shopping, just a few things which will be my present. but my mom is hesitant to get me anything that i can wear now…i hate that. knowing that i likely won’t be able to wear anything when im heavier, or that i need to “fit into” things…just certain clothing that doesn’t fit…it makes me disgusted almost to think that i wore them not too long ago. which is an awful thing to say, i know that. but it just seems scary. and i feel out of control, that my  body can just transform like that…gain a lot of weight, lose weight, fluctuate so much…it isn’t healthy. i know losing a lot of weight isn’t healthy, but gaining a lot doesn’t seem healthy either, it seems to be placing more strain on your body. i’m probably just saying this because the idea of gaining seems so awful, but, idk, i just get all caught up in things, and you hear on the radio, health sources, etc that any weight extreme, loss or gain, puts your body through a great deal. i feel like i’ve messed up my future even more now.

ugh, anyway. back to my birthday :P i thought this would be a little post, but i guess when i write so infrequently i have a lot to say.

this is one of my favourite photos; she’s so beautiful. i have this wig that i bought a while ago, well, gr 10. i did an isu project sort of on her, but just focusing on how the media really changed her, from ‘norma jean’ (her original name) to marilyn monroe, this persona, it’s a bit sad really. anyway, we found it recently and it was almost thrown out!

TPhoto_00005

bahah isn’t it lovely :P i can’t do her obviously, i know it’s awful. quite a shock compared to the gorgeous photo of her above, but i was just being silly. so back to gr 10, i made a film for the media aspect of the project, and it was an interview with normal jean, and then with marilyn, numerous years later. it was really fun, and my brother was the host, or interviewer.

…i think that’s about it. i realise that i have a lot of photos of myself here…i find that sort of vain i guess, but i promise you i don’t think that i look good or whatever, i guess im trying to make up for not posting anything before! plus, well i guess i find it interesting to talk about my past. i think blogs are probably supposed to be a bit about ourselves, i mean…we’re just writing about our own lives, so it will come off as self-absorbed. it’s just that i think i am the opposite of that, i like to think about my childhood and past and memories sometimes, but i don’t think im great or anything ;P anyway, i hope you’re all doing well, i can’t believe it’s june. almost summer!! crazy…so much time has gone by, i know i keep saying this but, it really scares me how fast it flies sometimes. even though, in the moment, it seems to drag on. the bad moments, anyway.

i have to go have a shower and get ready for tonight! so, i’m off…and i will talk to you all later.

lots and lots and lots of love

16 comments:

  1. happy birthday!!! you deserve to feel special and happy on this day... and EVERY day! ; )

    i hope you have lots of fun tonight ; )

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  2. Happy birthday! Love the photo you as a child, you look so carefree :) which is what you deserve to be! (well, to an extent, I think all of us as "adults" have a bit too much on our plates to be THAT carefree again...until we're retired >)

    Maybe I have a big ego, but I don't see why it's "bad" for you to talk about yourself. Isn't that the point of a journal? To write about yourself, reminisce, think about your favorite things and the things you dislike, process your feelings, realize patterns, makes changes, grow? True, a blog is online and not in a private notebook, but sometimes it's better that way. Then we can all share information about ourselves, learn about each other, relate, connect, become friends on a deeper level. :)

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    1. aw, you are amazing. and yes, i don't think its an ego, we just think a lot. which is fine!

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  3. Happy Birthday Jen! I hope your day is/was lovely! First, I have to say that your oat breakfasts sound absolutely delicious and now I want to start trying to eat oats again!

    And the picture of you as a kid is so cute! As is your Marilyn picture!

    Mitri said it wonderfully about writing and such.

    Take care Jen! Hugs xxx

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    1. aha thank you calla, and yes please make more oats! xox

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  4. HEY, today's MY birthday as well! How funny.

    I don't think I've commented here before; maybe I have, I don't remember. What year were you born? I was born in 1989 so my birthdate is 6789. You also share your birthday with my twin sister, and a cousin of mine who was born the same day & year! ;)

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    1. are you serious? if you're joking this is mean ;P no but that is crazy. yes. 6789 helps people remember, im born in 89 too :/ weird! happy belated then :) xox

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  5. I hope you had a beautiful Birthday x

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  6. Hi sweetie! Hope you had a lovely evening out last night! You definitely deserve it. No, you're not self-absorbed. This is a blog about you and your road to recovery. So write about yourself or don't- it's all about you! In a good way. MUAH Happy birthday! -T

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    1. :) thank you love, have a good day tomorrow xox

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  7. Oh my goodness I have a wig just like that! We should get together and frolic down the streets of NYC! Haha, HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY Jennifer!!!! I know that times are tough, but today is YOUR day to shine and be a rock star.

    As far as the weight gain issue, I can completely relate. I think a lot of what you're dealing with is irrational fears, when you think of logically. It doesn't help when the media justifies your crazy thoughts by making weight gain seem atrocious. BUT, the media doesn't know YOU or YOUR situation. There have been times where I've gained a lot of weight in a short period of time. Sure it's scary and makes you want to fall off the earth, but you have to realize that your body isn't going to keep going and going. Stay true to your meal plan and eat a balanced diet! And again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I wish I could send you an adorable cat meme :D!

    And thank you for such an awesome comment on my blog! I was stoked to see that I'm on you bloglist! Woot woot! Thank you sweet girl! Stay strong and if you ever need anything, I'm just a click away!

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    1. :) you are the sweetest! and ah, nyc that would be the best xox

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  8. Your are not self absorbed at all, this is your blog after all and you should be able to write what you like. I also hope you had a good night out - dont let your ED take that away from you! Keep strong x

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