something about me

hey lovelies:):)

breakfast this morning was old fashion rolled oats, cooked in water with ground cinnamon, ginger, and banana, with 3 tbsp of organic raisin bran (basically the raisins), a few tbsp of organic multigrain squares and a touch of skim :P

i can't believe how warm it's getting. well, sort of. yesterday morning i ran for a very short bit and was just uncomfortable afterward. i don't mind spring/fall but when it begins to get warmer it's just not my
favourite at all.


peppermint tea...and a few of my many cold cereal boxes :P

i thought this post could just be a bit all over the place, sort of like my mind atm :( i feel like im not as honest as i wnt to be on here and i just pick certain things to write about, and leave out parts like i would like to share but im not sure if its right or wrong or triggering

but for a more gentle topic, something that i really love is fashion. clothing, just style in general.

i love mixing like 'proper' things or feminine with something lose, and i love tights. opaque leggins with long tops, tunics or shorter dresses and then just opaque black tights, darker colours and sometimes something blue/purple with a plain top, and paired with skirts (esp higher waisted or like american apparel or f21 sometimes), dresses and tights with shorts.

loove her

i really like uo but i don't shop there too much. and jcrew, we don't have it here but i buy it online, and i love their classic cardigans but also crewcuts :P they have cute dresses. and cardigans in general, large ones and long ones and just loose and layer-eyyy :D

gosh and boots, i am obsessed with them. it used to be shorter ones but now i want higher lace ups or dr martens, or like more feminine combat boots. these marc jacobs were given to dakota (who i admire for reasons beyond style, beauty and acting-chops) and at the time (teen vogue 2006) i thought they were too much but now i adore them. the heel too.

i seem to adore nearly every thing emma roberts wears, specifically just candid shots and unfortunately for her she seems to be hunted by the paps, and just captured everwhere. i thought she lived in ny though :( so yea i guess la will do that to you.

i feel like im just starting over with this. the blog...but also me i guess. im posting about my 'favourite things' and i did that over a year ago when i started, but things have changed and obviously i've had setbacks. and it's sort of a new start?

i feel like i need to get away. when i go up north to my cottage, usually it's refreshing, i mean we don't have like a cabin in the middle of the woods, its a cottage and it's like a house i guess but its rural, on the water, boats, and we have canoes so it's calming. paddling, just reading on the dock being away from the bit city. i just want to go there right now. but i have this unrealistic feeling that it will help me. escape or whatever. but i doubt it plus i can't rely on that, i plan to live in this city or possibly another large one and i must deal with my issues aside from just leaving, but i have no idea how to cope. i'm just going downhill. i haven't made progress, at all especially since starting this blog. i look back and i've only...well become progressively worse aha. not funny though :S

i believe this is from january (eaten back at home in my rabbit bowl)
a mix of cold cereal (squares, harvest fruit muesli, almonds, banana, skim

i just honestly dont quite know what to do. as awful as some of the behaviours and lifestyle may be, its something to help me cope, you know? its like a ritual, habit, and its difficult to just change things, it will only make my anxiety worse. and though that's part of the process it's just daunting as i'm having a difficult enough time as it is. i worry that if i do more i'll just completely crack. i have other issues apart from ed and what not. and everything combines, but at the moment i'm struggling with other things thus im not as fixated with food, well i am but not counting and everything or restricting necessarily because i'm preoccupied but also i'm losing anyway. so i just don't get too scared. but if that stops, i dunno i'll probably switch focus. its so stupid its like i have to have one thing to focus and obsess about. my mom was mentioning it once and i was just like 'yea i think i have an addictive personality' and its so true, and scary....i dont like my mind much at all. to be honest it scares the hell out of me. too complex..:(

i get so frustrated and like this morning i felt awful and after eating i was full, and didn't finish all (but there was a lot of oatmeal initially and i was like wtf am i doing i hardly do much exercise i don't need this and i was doing the dishes and felt sick and just having stomach hings and then i think i just shouldn't eat since it makes me worse. honestly i give up most of the time. i hate feeling so sick nearly all the time.

but ahh i dont wan to be like this :( i'll show you part of my goodies :P

my cereal/gbar/applesauce area

okay well i must go wok and perhaps have some lunch, i think im hungry aha...
anywhoo tootles and i'll see you later loves

lavender

hey lovelies :):)

this morning i had a mix of regular/plain organic oats and part of a cinnamon/raisin package
(it still wasn't too sweet though which is nice), banana beforehand, and almonds, cinnamon,
multigrain squares and granola on top, plus skim. this photo makes me miss my cottage, it
was taken there but my cereal looked a bit similar today...oh and i had a piece of
homemade muffin on top, an oat/cranberry w-w sort of muffin

i forgot to welcome april in my other posts. i've never done that with any other month. but it seemed appropriate plus everyone else is doing it :P so happy april.

this afternoon for lunch i had (no photo though, well i hardly have any food photos as i can't shoot them) a hard-boiled egg, made in the morning so it was nice and cold, the way i like it :P and whole grain oat bread with apricot preserves and creamy natural honey on the other, plus a few baby carrots and applesauce with cinnamon on top...freshly coarse ground pepper on the egg

if you've never seen this girl (ramona marquez) gosh she's adorable, i knew i had seen her somewhere and it was in the king's speech (which i've mentioned and will continue to say bloody brillianttt) but this clip is so cute aha im watching it now

i made muffins one of the last times i was at home. something with bran, my mom enjoys that and when i make them i put half at least into little mini containers each for her to take to work on her 'coffee break'. its funny i've been doing that for a while even though im not always there. and her colleagues at work always ask (she told me this..) 'oooo what's jennifer made you this time?' ahaha i was like oh gosh that's embarrassing. especially if it ends up being bad but i tried a bite of these after i made them and they seemed okay :) i guess its just a basic bran recipe but i added raisins and put molasses in, along with cinnamon and cloves.

muffins!!!!!

today i was just randomly up in my parents room/floor (they have a master thingie) and my cat was there, and they have a scale and its so old but its the one we have. and honestly i hardly weigh myself, even when i was living there all the time. i just stopped as it didn't help and i just, like i could tell if things changed by clothing, looking at myself, just how i feel, lke you can feel it you know? but i was like a pound or two more tan last time i checked which was not that long ago and i know i've fluctuated depending on the hour so it was a bad idea to check and ijust was so bothered by it. i felt hngry today, and usually i don't mind if i feel hungry because when i feel icky and full and just not hungry its not nice. and either way i start to worry that im il or something. but today i let myself have like breakfast then a proper snack then lunch and like i didn't do much exercise besides just walking back to my place and grocery shopping and lately i don't do a ton, not like a while ago i would make sure to walk or run a certain number of hours or what not. but i've been losing a bit lately so when that happens i don't worry about counting and fixating on every.little.thing. ugh sorry this makes hardly any sense and i have no idea even why i'm writing it. but its like, no matter what, even if i was like 10-20 pounds less i'd always have moments like this i'm sure. because im like say 10 less than last year at this point. and i'd still feel the same. so i don't know if i'll ever really know what's true, i mean what is true or correct or right? i do know that what i see in the mirror is what everyone else sees. but perhaps its what that image means to me. versus what it projects to someone else, like my mom who's constantly saying that she's really worried. when i just don't see it really.

i want to get a camera like this.....it's my dad's. for graduation (uni) i think i'm getting one as a really nice gift. because its really nice. but ooo i will be able to take proper photo and everything :) eeeeeeee

i was home last night and this morning until later this afternoon. i did some work, ate with family (mom &dad), watched some of Julie and Julia last night, i saw it originally in the theatre but i do love it :) meryl streep is just one of a kind. and amy adams is adorable :P

playing with my evey at home this morning:)...
she was underneath my leg sorta....

hmmm okay so i wash dishes at my apartment as there is not a dishwasher like at home (we have such a crazy high tech one at home though) and i just discovered this certain store/generic brand "aromatherapy" detergent and it. smells. heavenly. im not a fan of washing dishes, not because i'm lazy or anything but it literally takes me forever because im super freaky and try to make sure its cleaned well and worry about everything essentially so its just really stressful for me. but i just put this soap in the first time and all of a sudden this "aroma" (teheee) filled the air. and its not the types which are scented but still smell fake and perfume-ey i mean this smells like pure lavender and something else, it has chamomile and a few other scents. gosh its lovely.

until later okay? love you all, hope you have a nice night

honeybearlove

hey lovelies :):)

this morning i went for a short run, but first had part of a banana, water, etc. then after coming back i had a shower and a nice bowl of cold cereal...

i actually didn't have cheerios but the almonds were there, along with skim, tbsp
granola and a mixture of shredded-wheat squares, raisin bran flakes, rice crispix and
organic multigrain squares, plus cinnamon&ginger (and a nannnananner)

with some coffee:)


i've been trying to be more brave (for me, not considered so for anyone else i'm sure :P) and try new things. or even things i used to have without issue. i purchased tahini, its labeled organic tahini by "nuts to you" nutbutter, i think its canadian. and...well i like sunflower seeds but i foud it so bitter. i keep trying little bits, and i've had it once as a spread on bread (rhyme!) with a tiny bit of dark natural honey. it was so expensive though aha i don't know what i was thinking. i want to get, from the same company, either almond butter which i have not had in AGES. or cashew butter which i've never tried. but its also expensive so i'd get a small one and not organic. i don't buy organic when i just get nuts but fr some reason get it in nut butters often. for pb though my stores have store brand organic which isn't too expensive.

speaking of honey...or pure heaven

love

i love all kinds. the liquid lighter and the darker ones, the honeybears, the creamy more solid type. sooo yum even just by itself, a spoonful of honey...


this gorgeous photo, not mine but i've had similar snacks of plain yogurt, honey and granola

my home rabbit bowl, from when i was a baby


and pb+c flavoured nut butters, ive only had this one, and otherwise just the
regular no-stir crunchy and smooth. we don't have many here and i just found the regular in a non whole foods/specialty store...otherwise i'd love to try the natural ones, either smooth
or crunchy. the only other flavour i though i'd like is the raisin but when i looked at it the
dark things (raisins) turned me off heh looked like little ants.

this is really funny you must watch, okay? its meryl...who is amazing. and lisa kudrow: and thissss...is web therapy



with a morning cup of joe...except i don't like to call it that,
it sort of cheapens it, diminishes its classiness
no offense to anyone called joe

anywhooo, that's all i guess. i hope you're doing spendidly...
if thats a word. and i will see you laterrr much love
xox

challenges

hey lovelies :):)

i'm posting late. but this morning i went for a short run, and for breakfast after showering and what not, i had a lovely bowl of cold cereal, mixture of organic multigrain squares, rice crispix, shredded wheat squares and a tbsp of almond raisin granola, plus a banana, 10 little almonds, skim and ginger + cinnamon!!! i loved it yes i did :D

this is clearly a gorgeous simplybreakfast photo, but i think it
looks beautiful, and it is cold cereal and milk :)

so...what is new? i'm really trying to update myself with all the blogs, ones i've missed or somehow not had on my blogroll thus sort of lost track of. and it makes me happy. and sad..like when people are struggling, but then in a bad way i feel a bit more comforted. that sounds horrible, not that you are struggling but hat i'm not alone. im sorry that is not nice at all.

i just love this bowl, it looks calming and yum. i don't normally put nearly the amount of milk here, i have it sort of dry but sometimes this is nice you know?

hmmm so i plan to open my raisin bran tomorrow (gee im so exciting..), i was worried/still am that it was in the cupboard for a few weeks but unopened it says bbf like next year i think? i shall check. i tried a bit and i'll have more next time i hope. when i first sort of got into my disorder and had to gain, well its more complicated but i remember when i was measuring everything (which i don't do anymore yeee, plus now that i wash dishes it would create even more, and i spend so long on them already)...i would have raisin bran everyday. like 1/2 cup milk, 1 cup raisin bran. maybe like 1/2 cup juice on the side. tehe :) i would get an our compliments store brand with extra large raisins, then sometimes not shake the box so that when i got near the end it was like RAISIN CENTRALLL :D it fully made my day but really hard to chew. sort of a mouth workout i guess. and i would never factor in the difference in cals because obviously the basis of calories in raisin bran comes from the raisins. i was more concerned about fat. like i counted fat and not calories, i thought that was how it worked so that's when i first lost a lot, i was like 14-15...and yea i just tried to stay like under 20 or less i don't know, maybe 15 sorry if this is triggering, but that scares me a bit. if i had continued just with that whole fat decrease i might have damaged something gahh. all this talk from a bowl of cereal...

tea

i have something that will make me sound so stupid. i hate what i did, like i hate that i let certain fears restrict me, and im just so angry with myself. today i met my mom for tea, and we wee also dropping something off, and somehow things got delayed and i was all "gahh im going to be dehydrated" etc...and we walked to Timothy's (sort of like Starbucks or Second Cup..wait the US doesn't have Second Cup though right?) anywho, a nice coffee place. and she got a normal tea and i just felt like i wasn't going to be able to have mine and i told her so, i didnt want her to waste money, and they didn't have peppermint left so i chose organic chamomile which sounds lovely, and thinking back now...i used to buy that then i realised i was just spending so much on food so i got regular chamomile. ugh. and i couldn't even drink the fucing tea. i sat her talking with her ad listening, she was being amazing despite my constant, honestly just total whining, i was upset that i couldn't do it and then going back and forth, ten saying sorry...i hate myself so much honestly you have no idea, if i could only explain it in words but i just start crying wen ithink about what happened. and part of it is that i can't explain why its such an issue, im just messed. but we will go again, i used to get coffee and everything "to-go" all the time. and it was fun. next time i'll get a non tea thing, i get freaky about them touching it en though they make the coffee. im such a fuckup. lksjdlfjsk anyway, i cant have too much coffee but maybe if we went in he morning, a decaf? i used to drink their coffee all the time, they have different flavours but then i thougth it wasn't strong enough, i didn't like flavoured coffee, blahh..but we will have a coffee out together, and erhaps with a snack? they had this photo/promo where you purchase a loaf slice (that sounds gross) i need an elegant word, well i'll say cake. and you get a coffee...and the photo was gorgeous this lovely slice of carrot cake and a steaming cup of coffee :) but the thing is, i say 'next time :' all the time and it might not happen its still going to be a challenge, so i just wish i had had the tea. i know this is odd and no one understands probably, thinking about it makes it sound even worse. it was this horrible debate in side my head and i just wanted to scream in the place, it was so hard and this stupid indecisive thing, but worse than normal :/

i love herbal tea :( even though they didn't have peppermint, chamomile
(and organic yum) sounded splendid..my mom tried some and said it was nice

how about something more positive? well...i have been branching out in terms of dinner. at my place (and at home) i've started making quinoa again, its the love of my life (aka Bob's Red Mill) organic whole wheat, i just love his products. i have many. sort of a collection and i have a creamy rice hot cereal yet to be opened...has anyone had this? what's it like, how do you make it, etc? let me knowww. anywho the quinoa is a change from the brown rice or whole wheat couscous as a side grain, it took a few tries to get into it again, i kept messing up. i made it at home too. its lovely when paired with sweet potato (baked) as it just can be eaten together and adds sweetness, then preferably (though im terrified to cook this myself) with protein like some white chicken breast or something. or even tofu and veggies. i also purchased a newer type of cold meat, its a natural roasted turkey thing, maple leaf 'natural-selections' line? do you get maple leaf products? there's such a funny commercial, i saw it first a while ago so i was happy when i saw it in the store. its about the typical ham and how it contains a few preservatives :P but this brand makes the meat (they have ham and chicken, turkey as well) with just natural preservatives, so water, sea salt...something else? anyway i found the clip HEREEE but it's funny so watch it okay???

*never mind poop i couldn't find it
glad we settled that one.

i baked muffins a few days ago :) it was meant to be an oatmeal raisin type from Anne Lindsay, one of her cookbooks, lighthearted something or other, but i put molasses in a tweaked a few things, they were pretty light but also a bit sweet, i tried part of one before leaving. i was at home visiting. and my mom was getting major dental surgery, well not insane but she was on iv so she came home and was a bit...sleepy ;) and she couldn't eat chewy things until today and told me, while i was having "tea" with her, that she loved it and ate some for breakfast. ahh i love my mommyyy


i'd love to bake more, but here...i hate having to constantly do dishes and my hands are in such rough shape. it causes me like a lot of stress :/ gahh but this is something i made last...May??? wow i had just recently returned from uni away in another province. pumpkin spice cake i think, gosh i'd love to make something like that again, and eat some too.

well i must gooo, but i hope to update more often. i don't have a working camera though so i can't take many photos :( apart from using others, and my old ones, and my webcam. but hopefully that will change.

until next time you gorgeous beauties xox

trying to enjoy the small things

hey lovelies:):)

this morning for breakfast i had a little bowl of plain oats, with a few yummy additions. i like to call it my "oatie & cold cereal mix bowl of goodness". that might have been a little bit lame.

it resembled this, but the banana was eaten before coffeeee...and
i had some dry cereal (rice crispies, kashi honey sunshine and a
tiny bit of granola on top, with some skim)

i am posting again, but much later then i had planned...i want to make it more worthwhile, yet i don't have a ton to say! i hope you don't mind a collection of images, not always my own and not always about breakfast and food and what not. my camera still isn't functioning very well. i hope to be able to use it more often very very very soon. but there are such beautiful photos out there, and i wish i could capture things like that.

haven't had a coffee-to-go a la audrey for some time now, can't we all just be her?

food-wise...well i've been eating a bit i guess. i have been having stomach issues, just not nice at all, for a while now. its affecting what i eat too and im just so terrified of things most of the time. not much variety, but having breakfasts consisting of oatmeal, cold cereal mixes, and more oats...bananas :) i love bananas. i remember reading about the family who went 'local' for a year, and didn't get bananas as they came from Costa Rica or something. excuse my complete ignorance. i should look that up right now. i would not be able to do that i don't think. fail. but i need my nananaers. seriously.

i've been having lots of cold cereals, though i haven't yet opened my raisin bran cereal (which i used to eat all the time and only this) similar to the above yummy look

ive had bread and what not, various kinds of too-expensive artisan sort of spelt bread? one kind is a breakfast bread, but i don't have it for breakfast. its cinnamon raisin, smells so heavenly and looks like this

i was just thinking about things that make me happy, as i was just moping as usual and being a sad sob case :P i mean, i love family so much. but for material things, and food....

yummy muesli with combinations of various dried fruits...
bananas came to mind. i love them. the thing is when i learned about the glycemic index and discovered that they were high on the scale i fliiiipped and rarely ate them. now i have them all the time. i guess i figure its not like eating pure sugar even though they contain a lot of natural stuff. sometimes i have nearly two a day if i can.

yogurt, with honey (a darker type if possible)...
honey is one of my very favourites

i love clothing. fashion. and everything related.

this movie....you know what? i've had it on my computer tab for a few months. its always there. i always have to watch a bit of it, especially if im feeling sad in any form, or scared or anxious (sort of similar? aha).

***********************************************************************

i have a question, and it might be a bit too much. but for those of you on meds, more like ssri's...its something i've taken in the past, and i might be doing it again. i am not trying to seek help from here, i know it's not safe but i just thought i'd see what other people thought about it. i've been told im not trying to help myself or putting effort into certain recovery and what not. i feel like im always trying, but its like certain fears become very strong that its all you can do just to cope, let alone try more risky things...does that make any sense? ugh im just confused. and sort of discouraged. if someone told me this would be my life, me...everything, a little while back. i'd be pretty depressed. i just feel like a total failure. because i have NO excuse. nothing. i don't need to be like this. i keep thinking about my high school. it was so tiny and i didn't enjoy many aspects, yet the small size meant a really amazing teacher-student ratio, we were all super competitive and i was just insane about work. and my average upon graduation was just so much higher than now i feel, and i just need to do well. i feel like im telling too much. some time i'll need to go through my posts and edit things...it just makes me feel scared. plus most of you are doing so well. often eating issues come with this perfectionism that i once had, but don't. so now that i feel like im failing at things, its like im not like the others, and if i have issues i should be working harder. i don't think i'm making any sense. its hard to write down what's going on in my head.

anyway...what a way to leave you all eh? aha. but i do have to go. study. go get groceries if i stop feeling so ill. maybe have some lunch. etc. i will be back i promise. but i've also been going on tumblr more, its a way to express myself and, what i love, is that you can just put these photos up, and get them from other people, share...without having to write and explain why you like them. that's what i love about it. mine it linked above. but ew i don't want to be like promoting myself on here :P

i hope you're doing well, i will make sure to comment more on posts, i do read them but...sometimes slash nearly all the time...i don't comment, which is hypocritical because i love comments on mine. but i love you all a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot...xoxoxoxox

a very belated

hey lovelies :):)

i recently realised (when i began this post on Feb twelfth...yep)...that i was close to a year old (my bloggie that is..) and thought to post on my one year anniversary. but, um i missed it? the twelfth of the month would have been it. so sad, i guess that sort of hints at something, that i haven't been that far, that i haven't grown, neither has this :( it sort of went by without my realisation (knowledge?), i mean who forgets a birthday??? ma badd. but im wishing my bloggie a very happy belated birthday, one year old :)

well...breakfast today was multigrain oats with some yummy dried mango
and cinnamon and ginger before cooking.....and the add-ins consisted of 5 almonds,
skim, blueberry-date-almond muesli, LiFe cereal + wheat germ

it resembled this slightly from last year, sans banana though (mine are green...i usually have a collection of different variations of ripeness but i failed this time)

i do hope i have a few readers, even one or two. but i haven't been reliable as a blogger, and i've tried to comment on others as much as i can. lack of any of this can't be blamed entirely on time...often i just felt not right, and didn't know what to post or comment, and was too upset (lame) to post on others, you know when you just don't know what to say?

i've just had a difficult few weeks, or month, well let's just say 2011 in general :( i try to cope with things, and find certain happy moments and ways to release and what not...

i love to watch this, elle fanning has one, and a few other actors.
i adore the black and white, and the theme of films, childhood, etc.

reading helps me to escape, not because i'm ignoring things but just to try and cope: "inspiration"

i love looking at photos, posting on tumblr (reblog reblog reblog)...and dreaming...

you know what, i'm making a pact with myself. if thats even possible as it usually involves two people. whatever. it will be the good and strong me, and the 'bad' me worsened by my fears and phobias and disordered hell-eff-bitch self.

i'm not sure if i'll be posting here, i really want to. when i come back to it i realise how i love it, it just provides this sense of like...self, being, a point really? you reflect on things you've done and either feel shitty or sort of pleased. i can't explain it well but i just like to do it. i love pictures, and i want to work on my photography, my camera isn't working well at the moment, and i might look to invest in something really great. but i'll still use the one i have, i just need to get it working, get into practice, and just take photos.

not simply of food, i like photos of food but don't enjoy taking them sometimes as it ruins the experience of eating, and i don't take lovely ones like those i find on weheartit, other blogs, tumblr :P

so i hope to be back at some point, i also need to work on a few things, sounds like a broken record but im serious this time, no excuses no anythings because if not now then, when? honestly jen..it's bad :(

i do hope you're doing well, i don't know if anyone will read this but, if so then i appreciate it more than i can describe

learning to love

hey lovelies :):)

my breakfast today, was multigrain quick oats with some extremely ripe banana, ginger, cinnamon, wheatgerm, a few almonds, tiny bit of skim milk, along with some date muesli and plain cheerios :)

looked slightly similar to this, with the additions not pictured :P

almonds

my goodness i have been awful, i wanted to post much sooner but, to be honest, just a few things were going on, i didn't feel the right to do it, and i didn't really have any photos :P i left my camera (ahh i just wrote camer and didn't notice for the longest time) at home, was a bit depressed about the whole moving things and felt that, even if it was here, i wouldn't feel "right" to take photos here, so i took some when i went home for a day or so. but, doesn't matter because its back, and im back, and im excited to write again. when the time was going by and i would look on the page and see other updates from bloggers, it would seem like this daunting task to write a post. but when you just start, things sort of come to you, and it's nice not to just worry about photos, or having the right pictures, food, etc. i hope its okay if i do some more writing and thought/every day stuff, as opposed to just food. or food-related. i don't have much of a theme but i like to include things i really love like fashion, photography, film of course (acting).

credit to weheart it, i've been eating oats with almonds, not apple but more of a dried fruit medley

i was watching aquamarine (on ytv yeaaa) and emma roberts is in it she's like a babyyy though my goodness. so young there. but i really love her style, and i've seen her in films like lymelife and its kind of a funny story, both great and i liked her in them.

i've started enjoying adding photos to tumblr. such a strange word, i'm probably not pronouncing it properly. i had one a while ago but didn't get into it, and recently went on and its sort of cathartic, its just that i have photos that i love and see and i just enjoy certain photos, if that makes sense, but just keeping them to yourself isn't the same as sharing them. and you have follwers, ahh thats odd. its really exciting when someone follows you but its pressuring right? you feel the need to keep adding more and more and sometimes i'll be on for like an hour its addicting. then i leave and sort of forget. then get caught up in it again. i swear i do other things though! like work gahh, lots of school. try to run and walk, lots of errands like grocery shopping, cleaning dishes, eating, sleeping a bit. going out a bit. i feel like i have no purpose though.

hmm so oscars, academy awards, eee, i need to see the films that are nominated, so far i've seen black swan (i won't get into that here but i was blown away), honestly that's it. ohh alice and wonderland has an artistic-type nod. i really want to see the fighter, true grit (partially because the girl nominated is like 13 or something!) and the social network, a few others. oh wait ahh how could i forget, this film was nominated in so many different categories...the king's speech. have i not mentioned it on here??? i saw it a while ago but HOLY SHIT LOVE. one of the best films i've seen in my life. everything about it, the acting (GEEEZ) and the storyline, the cinematography, the message, the music and just everything.

oh my gosh i just finished reading "The Help" by Kathryn Stockett. one of my favourite novels in the world i think. i loved it so much, everything, i was so excited then thought perhaps i'd worked myself up too much, but after like half a page i knew it was amazing, the narrative is so lovely and honestly hilarious, its very sad too but narrated by three different characters, and you can just hear them speak, especially Aibileen and when i read the first page of hers i was just laughing out loud :) i kept picturing emma stone, since they're making a film and she plays one of the women.

i just read a quote, "sometimes finishing a good book is like saying goodbye to a best friend". so true, i get attached to things. when it was over, i just thought...what now? :( im not sure if its one of those that i can return to frequently and read again. so i hope the film comes out soon :) i do own the book though, my parents gave it to me for christmas and its this gorgeous hardcover and the slip is beautiful, this yellow colour, orange almost too.

my parents are away and i haven't really been home in a while, or properly spoken with them, apart from emails and such.

i miss my rabbit bowl :( (and them too)

but c'est la vie eh? it won't be too long plus i go by to check on things, have some tea, laundry :P my brother does as well. but he'd rather not of course. though ive been eating just couscous essentially for many dinners...with some veggies and ccheese for protein. i don't know what to do. honestly. i feel like shit all the time. i look like shit and more. my stomach is messed up and im scared and unhappy. my brother comes home and he says, couscous again aren't you tired...cook some meat. but that scares me, i don't know if i'll cook it right. but i've got to figure out something.

my baby evey is here with us while my parents are on vacation for a month. that's quite nice, but of course she needs to be cared or, litterbox and food and what not :P i really love her though

i have to go do errands and work and try to figure some stuff out. stay amazing, and i hope someone's still out there...

i'll leave you with a quote, discovered on this love's blog a little while ago, by the wise audrey:

Time-Tested Beauty Tips

~audrey hepburn~

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with knowledge you’ll never walk alone.

We leave you with tradition with a future.

The tender loving care of human beings will never become obsolete.

People even more than things have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed and redeemed and redeemed.

Never throw out anybody.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you’ll find one at the end of your arm.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands: one for helping yourself, and one for helping others.

Your ‘good old days’ are still ahead of you, may you have many of them


i hope you have amazingly wonderful and magical days & more
lots of love
jen