saturday

hello lovelies :) :) hope you have exciting plans for the weekend, even if it involves just relaxing, because that's important too :P so i ate my breakfast before taking a picture. ooops.



it wasn't too exciting and i'll describe it here, a bowl of cereal with add-ins as i want to run in a bit:


banana

mixture of shredded wheat bites and shreddies

a dried apricot

a date

cinnamon

ginger

skim milk

almonds


but i have a picture of some cookie/things/dunno that i baked quickly this morning...i sort of threw together like what i had on hand, so oats, whole wheat flour, wheat germ, oat bran, dates, cinnamon, skim, olive oil aha, vanilla...maybe something else?

ahh i cannot wait four more weeks...four and a half :( i just want to go home. yet its bad to keep looking ahead and forgetting to be in the moment, i know i spoke of this before.



i love this photo, its from a book that i have on different eating for digestive issues and the pictures are lovely, i want to create this snack today :)

that's all for right now, talk to you later xox <3 loveee

dedicated to stephen

hey lovelies :) :) how is everyone? noo stevey-poo didnt die, i just can't find him. and i took lucie's advice and put water for him but he's lost.

today i had oats with banana, walnuts, almonds, wheat germ and some bran bud thingies on top.

coffee......



and i introduce.......STEPHEN :) (at least i think its him...might be dakota)



and im sorry geeez its horrible quality but this is how it kept turning out. actually this was the best out of the bunch).

im so sad because i was just about to order some tights and stuff on hue.com but they don't ship to canada????? ahh. what. ugh. i bought a pair on the weekend but i wanted a bunch and they were cheaper on the site. i hate that the ones i bought were super opaque and all but not on the but part :( anyone know of a canadian hue site? my heart ripped when i saw the words, 'we do not ship internationally at the time' i mean its not like canada's a crazy foreign place.

I just wanted to put this down before i forget, I saw a film in class (in film aesthetics) called "Warrendale", a cinema verite, or type of documentary style on young kids and teens that are somehow---through their past perhaps or simply born this way---really troubled and violent, unable to express things, etc. i don't want to put a label on it as i might be saying the wrong thing. the film was shocking and often really heartbreaking, yet moving too. i loved it. ill just post a small thing here...but it really affected me and i love those kids :( the adults and caregivers/teachers were so patient and admirable as well. of course we were meant to look at it critically so in class we discussed a variety of things but sometimes i just don't want to find negative aspects of films :P

alrighty that's all, hope you have gorgeous days ill talk to you later <3 xox loveee

amazing

hello lovelies :) :) you are all sooo lovely :) honestly i knew a few comments would possibly help and they did :) love love looove. no picture of breaky once more, but i will describe. i was going to and then i decided to multitask and was baking in the kitchen early and it was so hot because of that and everything sort of failed. but i will show another food photo okay?



banana, as i did eat some banana this morning hehe.

i had some oatbran, with banana, a few cereal things, cinnamon and stuff...and yogurt with honey and cinnamon.

i realised something so horrible last night and immediate thought of you all...stephen will die. (ladybug)...i remember explaining, before i named him, that i keep getting one or two in my place and then they die eventually as its winter out and i dont know how they got inside...and then another appears, so maybe there's a nest. and i almost cried...steveypooo. now that i named him i associate him with the name you know? so its like an actual thing. which is mean i should care about the other dead ones even though i didnt name them. and i do. but i need to save him guys what do i do????? help! i promise im not this immature, and i do have friends that are not bugs :P but i get attached to anything like living or not living and get sad when bugs die. even if they bite me. okay story here: i was at camp one year i think i was 13 and ahaha okay i felt a bite on my arm and instinctively hit it, and it was a mosquito. and then it was like half dead and i felt so horrible so i put it up to my arm where it had bit me and tried to get it to take my blood, thinking that would save it. but it died :( horrible! i was a murderer. aha no but yea i was sad.

okay so i took a photo of stephen and let him go on my hand, scared he would bite but he did not. i hardly felt him. but the photo was all blurry so ill try again. actually to be honest it might not be stephen as there are two flying around...i named one dakota so maybe thats it? hehe i just randomly named one stephen but have no idea which one is him im probably talking to both of them interchangeably. yes i spoke to them. wow im weird. like i was working on an essay last night and one was flying around like a spazzz (probably trying to get out) and i was like STEPHEN CALM DOWN. aha. i thought he was going to fly into my eye.

anywho, onto real people here. so im seeing a movie with friends this weekend but now its like a bunch of people. i wanted to see it with my close friend, but we dont see each other as much now. then she sent out a mass text so i felt a bit shafted. i know thats silly of me but then it became an event, and she was asking when everyone wanted to go and i was like :( hmm doesn't my opinion matter? whatever i just need to shut it.

okay so im sorry for the lamoo post but thats all i got :) talk to you lovelies later xox <3 bye

my ladybug lover

hello lovelies :) :) how are you doing today? its sunny here, but i dont feel sunny. for some reason i dont like how its nice out, makes me feel worse. anwho, i woke up and looked on my ceiling and said hello to my stevey-poo, then the next time i looked up he was crawling above my head so i almost freaked out...thats a little too close steven, im still a bit antsy about ladybugs near me. but i like to look at him

i dont want this post to be negative so i will try to make it a happy one :) hmm. what do you do to relax, calm down, help anxiety...i try to do yoga regularly, breathing, etc. but its not enough. any ideas?? i'd love to hear some, honestly!

i went to take a picture of my cereal this morning but after tuning on my camera it shut off, so i had to charge the batteries :( but a 'lil description:

- a few types of cereal (shreddies, organic oat squares, shredded wheat little bite sizes...maybe some more i dunno
- some skim milk
- wheat germ
- 1/2 ripe ripe ripe ripe ripe banana
- cinnamon, ginger, cinnamon :P
- walnuts

think thats it.

i really want to go home :( ugh. its just a strong feeling. and i dont feel well and i hate feeling sick all the time. i know i complain but really i also feel like shit. i dont even remember not worrying about things on a regular basis, feeling happy, not anxious. its become a constant thing and when i dont feel it its like...what is this feeling?? then it goes away quickly :( ahh oh well.

i said i'd make this a happy post, so hmm i think there are 3 ladybugs, stephen, another or maybe its just 2. i see another one on the blind. that will be a female. i think they're married, stephen and...dakota. speaking of dakota............................

tadaaaaaa :) im so farrreaking excited to see the runaways ahhhh too much excitement. hello daddy hello moooommm im your che-che-che-che-che-che-che-che cherrry bombbb :D



i will talk to you all later, and please leave a comment okay????? xoxoxox <3 love

mornin'

hello lovelies :) :) how is everyone doing today? hope your mondays were nice :P




i have a history class in a few, and then need to get some errands and such done...then another class. i tried to call my parents last night three times. they didn't pick up :( they haaaate me :P i was going to talk about the oscars as we did a little "friendly bet" on the academy awards best actor, actress, picture...i think i won by one. so i get a chocolate bar or something, though i told my dad beforehand that i didn't want to get one, so maybe ill ask for a larabar :P hehe well my dad's coming to get me and help me bring back everything to the city i live in and we'll fly back together, around april ish so maybe he can get me a snack or cool drink at the airport :) since i cannot take a water bottle through because of security and then i don't get a drink till later. bleeee okay i will stop rambling im so weird and plan things out and often they don't happen so STOP!

here are some biscotti that i made for my mom the christmas before last <3
anywho I have to go as i'm a bit late for class now, but i wanted this up before this afternoon as i love you all so much and know how dyyyying you are waiting for my posts (ahaha funny me). about stephen update, i think there are more and im so scared of waking up to a swarm of ladybugs. after lucie's comment yesterday i got excited that we might have the same stevey boy ladybug (not aha) but now im worried that i will have an infestation or something. hope not :) xox

sunny

hello lovelies :) :) did you watch the academy awards????? fun!



it is so lovely out today! i was surprised when i went for a short (like really quick) run this morning, sun was up and i don't remember it being that sunny earlier in the day. i assumed it would be like a blizzard since it was nice yesterday and usually we get the opposite the following day here...but its okay! im watching mr ladybug #3 right now...hmm needs a name, stephen :) yea. so stephen is just crawling next to the photograph on my windowsill, of my cat :) okay so i think im seeing alice this weekend sooo excited!!!!! a lot of people mentioned that they were seeing it this past weekend...for those of you who did, how was it? ohh stephen just flew onto the blinds...

class in a bit so i gotta jet, but ill talk to you all later, hope you have great days xox

countdown

hey lovelies :) :) GUESS WHAT'S TONIGHT? the academy awards yeeeeeeeeiii. so excited. sooo. hmm i dont even have a tv here so hopefully i can watch some online, if that exists :( that would be awful to miss it. i used to watch like the entire thing started at 5pm with all the segments but i think ill just watch the event mainly tonight as i have stuff to do. i feel like i haven't seen a lot of the films involved which is a bit sad. ahh okay im also very excited just for the hosts (steve martin and alec baldwin) because they are so fucking funny. anyone seen "it's complicated"? amazing, and especially with meryl streep who i adore. oscarsss

hosts

okay, moving on. ohh i received my very first wedding invitation today. for my cousins summer wedding. i've never been to one before, and she's the first of the grandchildren to be married, second to be engaged as one couple haven't been married yet. im so excited. but its also a bit scary because this means that we're getting older. i mean, she's one of the oldest cousins but i don't plan to be married for like 10 years so i hope no one's expecting anything :P hehee though my grandmother (only grandparent left) asks me often if i have a boyfriend. i don't, and i believe she's disappointed but i will have one soon Granny don't worry.

so i was planning on having an excited picture of a new pb+c my first, but the store had just 3 kinds, and i wanted a plain one...i thought i would go for the honey one but they were all best before like a few days ago :( i told the person in the store about it. just in case...

i was happier this morning but now im so homesick ahhhh but it was super gorgeous out like HOT! hope you all have lovely days. xox

march sixth

hello lovelies :) :) any exciting plans for the weekend? me not so much. studying. other things perhaps.


pjs are comfy but these
don't keep you very warm
sometimes

i actually didn't want to post that photo it seems odd. but i don't have many others to choose from as i didn't take food pics so i guess i'll have to deal with it.

im going to be a downer again but i cannot help it. i was realising yesterday after meeting with my 'person' um that my mind is so weird, and i seem to be constantly dealing with some internal thing, a bunch of anxiety isssues and stuff and its never nothing and one is always stronger than the other. maybe im full blown ed but then it subsides and im in my anxiety and fears and phobias and either way its so hard to keep going sometimes and its like what the fuck is wrong with me? am i so unstable that my mind needs to keep holding on to some type of disorder or fear or phobia?? its so so so so sooo stupid. im not usually this pathetic and reading this will be painful because i hate to be so negative, and i promise im not usually like this. or at least i didn't used to be. okay sometimes maybe i want to be in the middle of one of these disorders for something to latch onto but there are so many things going on in my mind that i DON'T want to be dealing with, all internal so its not like i have a tough life. maybe its harder sometimes that way. i'm not even making sense. and i totally don't blame you if you turn away at this point. but i just want to let you know that i'll be making an effort to keep this little love life more positive soon okay? :) because reading many of your posts actually makes me feel happier and i should not be making people read this. does anyone else have like other issues besides anything related to eds...maybe phobias and stuff? you don't have to share it if you don't want to.


phewwwwf anywho i will change the subject. oh my god okay i keep seeing ladybugs in my place. its so weird. one appears and flies for a while and eventually dies. sad i know but like i guess inside is not the best place to live. and then another one appears. i just saw one now. but i actually see two...ahhh where are they coming from? maybe there's a nest. do ladybugs have nests aha i have no idea. okay i fully just spotted another one. this is weird. 5 in here now, 3 alive and two dead. wow im such a spazzzz today ehehe sorry but yea :P

i will talk to you all later xox